Friday, May 31, 2013
Best headline in history?
From the Bainbridge Island Review - Island man's alleged break-in of sex store started with mannequin kidnapping
Thursday, May 30, 2013
My bitch
I learned many things this week and one of the more important lessons was that my highly educated, out and proud lesbian dog has no problem with being called a bitch.
We were at her “vet” and the female doctor said something like, “so your dog is a bitch?” Of course, I silently pointed to my dog, who hears everything but often pretends to be deaf, and I quietly (almost a whisper really) said, “you do know she’s right there on the table, right?”
The doctor gave me a strange look and said, “I doubt she cares.”
“Yeah, well I have to live with her, we’ll see about having her feelings hurt later, I’m sure.”
We were at the vets office because my lovely and sweet dog has taken to licking herself almost non-stop, which in some cultures would be considered a fine day, but for those of us living with this “bitch” it can get tiresome.
So we brought our little princess to the doctor and wouldn’t you know it, she actually refused to show the doctor the behavior we all find so shockingly disgusting.
I described what my dog spends the 2 hours she is generally awake doing and the doctor gave us a lot of reasons why my sweet bitch might be captivated by that particular region with so much passion. She read off a list of two or three possible reasons about my logs complete focus on her nether region and not a single one contained the words “because she enjoys it.”
So, they did a battery of tests, we’d have to wait a few days for results, but soon enough we were back in the car, heading home with the bitch in the back seat, licking away like there was no tomorrow.
We were at her “vet” and the female doctor said something like, “so your dog is a bitch?” Of course, I silently pointed to my dog, who hears everything but often pretends to be deaf, and I quietly (almost a whisper really) said, “you do know she’s right there on the table, right?”
The doctor gave me a strange look and said, “I doubt she cares.”
“Yeah, well I have to live with her, we’ll see about having her feelings hurt later, I’m sure.”
We were at the vets office because my lovely and sweet dog has taken to licking herself almost non-stop, which in some cultures would be considered a fine day, but for those of us living with this “bitch” it can get tiresome.
So we brought our little princess to the doctor and wouldn’t you know it, she actually refused to show the doctor the behavior we all find so shockingly disgusting.
I described what my dog spends the 2 hours she is generally awake doing and the doctor gave us a lot of reasons why my sweet bitch might be captivated by that particular region with so much passion. She read off a list of two or three possible reasons about my logs complete focus on her nether region and not a single one contained the words “because she enjoys it.”
So, they did a battery of tests, we’d have to wait a few days for results, but soon enough we were back in the car, heading home with the bitch in the back seat, licking away like there was no tomorrow.
More troubling actual headlines
Ann Romney Opens Up.. Bush Fight.. ASSAD: I'VE GOT NEW MISSILES.. Rick Scott Blow.. Rubio On Edge.. Bachmann Struggle.. The Real Cost Of Anti-Gay 'Conversion' Therapy.. Anderson Cooper Tears Into Michele Bachmann.. Does EVERYONE Lie About Sex?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
Real, actual headlines
Bob Dole Slams Congress Gridlock: 'Almost Unreal'- TRUMP 2016? Donald Reportedly Mulls Another Run - TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE
Report: White House Fed Early Obamacare Info To Wall Street - Texas Makes Big Anti-Obamacare Move - Obama Visits Town Devastated By Tornado
Cardinal Admits Abuse Cover-Up To Protect Church - Ben Affleck Receives Big Honor - Weird Phenomenon Observed For First Time
Thousands In France Protest Against Gay Marriage - Lesbian Drama Wins Top Honor At Cannes
Report: White House Fed Early Obamacare Info To Wall Street - Texas Makes Big Anti-Obamacare Move - Obama Visits Town Devastated By Tornado
Cardinal Admits Abuse Cover-Up To Protect Church - Ben Affleck Receives Big Honor - Weird Phenomenon Observed For First Time
Thousands In France Protest Against Gay Marriage - Lesbian Drama Wins Top Honor At Cannes
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Again with the t-shirts
Yesterday the postal carrier left me one of those little pinkish notes telling me that I would have received a package if I had been home and answered my door. Instead, it offered me the opportunity to find time in my incredibly busy schedule, to stop by the post office and pay up.
It just happens that today I found myself in need of a bike ride, because last week while prepping for a bike ride, I actually fell over my bike and pulled a muscle in an uncomfortable place. Today it felt like time to test out my still sore muscles, so I strapped a lock on the back of the bike, got in some ugly baggy bike shorts and rode down to the post office.
There was a large, obviously stupid woman arguing with the clerk as I stood in line. I caught bits and pieces of her animated conversation. Something had been lost, something she wanted back, she would not be bothered to fill out any paperwork. As she later meandered past me to the front door she continued to speak to herself, muttering something about “all this is about is bullshit.”
I paid the 45 cents that was due on my package and as the clerk rang up the bill I could see it was a small little package, just large enough for a single t-shirt.
Since the beginning of time, my friend Bill and I have been exchanging t-shirts. Here is a link to something about that.
Basically we send each other interesting t-shirts from our various endeavors. He sends me shirts from terrible crime scenes in dangerous cities, I send him a shirt I was lucky enough to steal from an Amsterdam super model (long story).
I smiled broadly when I saw his return address on the package and the clerk asked me what was so funny. “Nothing,” I sort of stammered, “it’s just the package, it’s part of a long running history with a good friend.” He shook his head and gave me exact change from two quarters.
Without opening the package, I strapped it and the lock to my bike and took off for downtown to ride the streets and stretch my legs. I have to ride up a couple of steep hills to get home and as I reached the top of the first one, an elderly midget with gray hair and a bottle of something in his hand made eye contact with me as I started to peddle a bit quicker. I must have held my glance for a bit too long because as I was side by side with him he said, “what the fuck are you staring at?” I was already clearly past him and all I could think of was “what could possibly be in that bottle?”
The package contained a dark blue shirt with the large company logo right across the chest “RENEGADE Brewing Company.” A very good attempt from my friend to take the lead in interesting or obtuse shirts. He may have just barely grabbed the title for now, but I have been collecting shirts for a month or so. He will receive them this week and again I will take a commanding lead on a competition that is now easily 20 years old.
It just happens that today I found myself in need of a bike ride, because last week while prepping for a bike ride, I actually fell over my bike and pulled a muscle in an uncomfortable place. Today it felt like time to test out my still sore muscles, so I strapped a lock on the back of the bike, got in some ugly baggy bike shorts and rode down to the post office.
There was a large, obviously stupid woman arguing with the clerk as I stood in line. I caught bits and pieces of her animated conversation. Something had been lost, something she wanted back, she would not be bothered to fill out any paperwork. As she later meandered past me to the front door she continued to speak to herself, muttering something about “all this is about is bullshit.”
I paid the 45 cents that was due on my package and as the clerk rang up the bill I could see it was a small little package, just large enough for a single t-shirt.
Since the beginning of time, my friend Bill and I have been exchanging t-shirts. Here is a link to something about that.
Basically we send each other interesting t-shirts from our various endeavors. He sends me shirts from terrible crime scenes in dangerous cities, I send him a shirt I was lucky enough to steal from an Amsterdam super model (long story).
I smiled broadly when I saw his return address on the package and the clerk asked me what was so funny. “Nothing,” I sort of stammered, “it’s just the package, it’s part of a long running history with a good friend.” He shook his head and gave me exact change from two quarters.
Without opening the package, I strapped it and the lock to my bike and took off for downtown to ride the streets and stretch my legs. I have to ride up a couple of steep hills to get home and as I reached the top of the first one, an elderly midget with gray hair and a bottle of something in his hand made eye contact with me as I started to peddle a bit quicker. I must have held my glance for a bit too long because as I was side by side with him he said, “what the fuck are you staring at?” I was already clearly past him and all I could think of was “what could possibly be in that bottle?”
The package contained a dark blue shirt with the large company logo right across the chest “RENEGADE Brewing Company.” A very good attempt from my friend to take the lead in interesting or obtuse shirts. He may have just barely grabbed the title for now, but I have been collecting shirts for a month or so. He will receive them this week and again I will take a commanding lead on a competition that is now easily 20 years old.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Comcast is fun to chat with
For about 5 months I have had slow or terrible internet connectivity with Comcast. Just yesterday a slow technician stopped by to repair the problem once and for all.
Since he left our service has only gotten slower, as if that were possible. Calling Comcast is a dangerous and often times insulting possibility. So I used the online “chat” option to see if I could get resolution. Here is that conversation:
“analyst Lester has entered room
Lester: Hello Matt, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Lester. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Matt: My Issue: After months of slow internet, a Comcast worker stopped by yesterday and replaced the modem. Speed is worse. Even sending this is slow.
Lester: A pleasure to have you on chat today, Matt.
Lester: I understand that you’re having issues with your internet service. I appreciate the opportunity to assist you with your concern today.
Matt: thanks. any help would be this side of amazing.
Lester: To begin with, for security purposes, can you please provide your account number or the last 4 digits of your socials.
Matt: ****
Matt: hello?
Lester: Thank you. I have run some tests here on your account, and I can see that you are receiving weak signals.
Matt: I know I am. Less than 18 hours after a Comcast visit.
Matt: After months of slow service.
Lester: I can see here that you have had a previous ticket regarding this same issue. As this is a repeat issue, and from the history of your connection, I will be creating a request to have this issue escalated and to have a tech come over to determine and resolve this issue for you.
Matt: A “Tech” was here yesterday
Matt: And in February
Matt: This is getting to be kind of silly.
Matt: I have been paying for high speed and we never have high speed.
Lester: Yes, and as the issue has not been resolved, we will need to have a follow up to determine the cause of this issue.
Lester: Its possible the that problem is with your outside or in-house connections, we will be having our tier 2 tech check the connection from our local office to your location.
Lester: Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Matt: I waited a week for the last technician to come, pretend to repair, replace the modem and it is even worse.
Matt: I am not a Comcast technician, I would have no clue where the problem is. I’m pretty sure that is a Comcast issue. But you keep sending technicians who have done nothing but slow down my internet speed.
Lester: I understand, which is why we would be escalating this issue to our tier 2 tech team.
Matt: Oh, what is a tier 2 tech team? And why have you sent me Tier whatever techs to resolve an issue that is now 5 months old?
Matt: How long does the 2 tech team take to respond?
Lester: Our tier 2 team would be able to run comprehensive tests on our lines from the local server connection upto your home connection. From what I can see here, we have not heard back from you after the contact and appointment on February, so the issue has been tagged as resolved and closed.
Matt: Not the case at all. We have always had inconsistent speeds, always had drop in service and always had trouble connecting. Many times we have called, but even patient people can only wait on the phone as your service techs must be incredibly busy…
Lester: Our tier 2 team should be able to come out within the next 24-48 hours. Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Lester: I understand, and once again, we truly apologize for the inconveniece. Rest assured that we will be doing our best to resolve this issue for you once and for all, as soon as possible.
Matt: OK.
Lester: Thank you for patiently waiting Matt. I have now submitted the escalation request to our tier 2 team, and they should be doing the tests for your service on 05/23, and they will be coming over to your house to do further testing within 1230-230pm, will this schedule work with you?
Matt: No that will not work, morning works.
Lester: I see. That would be the soonest time that we can have our tier 2 team come over for that day, the next morning slot available would be on 05/24, will that be alright?
Matt: Sure, the 24th works. Of course it’s a little insane that comcast sent a technician here yesterday, after having me wait a week for that, and now, a day later, I still have crappy service and you want to send another tech to figure out what yesterdays technician was unable to resolve. Does this make any sense to you?
Lester: I understand. It does happen at times that the first technician has apparently resolved the issue, only for the issue to recur a few hours after the appointment.
Lester: This usually happens when the issue is connection-related, as it is now, as the connection tests can show fluctuations during the testing itself, which may lead the tech to see that the issue has been resolved. This is precisely the reason why we have our tier 2 escalation team, for us to be able to resolve issues that we have been unable to resolve the frist time around.
Matt: Of course.
Lester: Once again, we truly apologize for the inconvenience Matt. Rest assured that we should be able to resolve your issue once and for all.
Matt: It just seems, after months of poor service, this tier two team would have already been working to resolve this issue.
Matt: When will this tier two team be here on Friday?
Lester: They should be there around 8-10am.
Matt: Perfect.
Lester: Your reference number for this escalation ticket is: ************
Lester: It has been a pleasure assisting you with your concern today Matt. Will there be anything else that I can assist you with?
Matt: Yes, last week, the technician agreed that I should receive a refund of some sort for this terrible service, and she said the billing department would handle that and forwarded my call to the billing people. When talking with the billing department, they said the only people who could discount/refund/credit my account was the technicians…and of course, I was forwarded back to the technicians, only to have my call dropped. I called back, spoke with the technician people who told me, shockingly, the billing department would be responsible for any sort of credit. Imagine my surprise to be forwarded back and forth. So, yes, Lester, please go ahead and credit my account for 5 months of terrible internet connections please.
Lester: Yes, I was actually able to see notations of your previous contacts regarding the credit request. I can see here that a credit request has already been submitted to our Internal Billing team, I will be submitting a follow up request to have one of our local agents check the status of your credit request. Can we reliably contact you at *********** for more information and/or updates regarding this request?
Lester: Are you still there?
Matt: Yes, that would be swell.
Matt: Of course, no one at Comcast had told me anything about this request.
Lester: Thank you. You can expect a call from one of local representatives within the next 24-48 hours to provide you updates regarding this credit request.
Matt: Thanks!
Matt: Good day to you sir.
Lester: You are most welcome.
Lester: If you need future assistance, we are available 24 hours a days and 7 days a week. Thank you for choosing Comcast for your entertainment needs. We appreciate your business and value you as a customer! Our goal is to provide you with a consistently superior customer experience – that’s our guarantee. Learn more about the Comcast Customer Guarantee at http://www.comcast.com/corporate/Customers/CustomerGuarantee.html?fss=customer%20guarantee . You may now click the “Exit Chat” or the X button to properly close the chat.
Matt: Well, I must copy this chat, because I love posting my Comcast chats on my blog, because people seem to love reading these amazing chats.
Matt: Thank you again for your help.
Lester: Our tier 2 team should be able to come out within the next 24-48 hours. Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Matt: I said, Good Day To You Sir.
The analyst has left and your issue has been closed.
Lester: Analyst has closed chat and left the room
Since he left our service has only gotten slower, as if that were possible. Calling Comcast is a dangerous and often times insulting possibility. So I used the online “chat” option to see if I could get resolution. Here is that conversation:
“analyst Lester has entered room
Lester: Hello Matt, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Lester. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Matt: My Issue: After months of slow internet, a Comcast worker stopped by yesterday and replaced the modem. Speed is worse. Even sending this is slow.
Lester: A pleasure to have you on chat today, Matt.
Lester: I understand that you’re having issues with your internet service. I appreciate the opportunity to assist you with your concern today.
Matt: thanks. any help would be this side of amazing.
Lester: To begin with, for security purposes, can you please provide your account number or the last 4 digits of your socials.
Matt: ****
Matt: hello?
Lester: Thank you. I have run some tests here on your account, and I can see that you are receiving weak signals.
Matt: I know I am. Less than 18 hours after a Comcast visit.
Matt: After months of slow service.
Lester: I can see here that you have had a previous ticket regarding this same issue. As this is a repeat issue, and from the history of your connection, I will be creating a request to have this issue escalated and to have a tech come over to determine and resolve this issue for you.
Matt: A “Tech” was here yesterday
Matt: And in February
Matt: This is getting to be kind of silly.
Matt: I have been paying for high speed and we never have high speed.
Lester: Yes, and as the issue has not been resolved, we will need to have a follow up to determine the cause of this issue.
Lester: Its possible the that problem is with your outside or in-house connections, we will be having our tier 2 tech check the connection from our local office to your location.
Lester: Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Matt: I waited a week for the last technician to come, pretend to repair, replace the modem and it is even worse.
Matt: I am not a Comcast technician, I would have no clue where the problem is. I’m pretty sure that is a Comcast issue. But you keep sending technicians who have done nothing but slow down my internet speed.
Lester: I understand, which is why we would be escalating this issue to our tier 2 tech team.
Matt: Oh, what is a tier 2 tech team? And why have you sent me Tier whatever techs to resolve an issue that is now 5 months old?
Matt: How long does the 2 tech team take to respond?
Lester: Our tier 2 team would be able to run comprehensive tests on our lines from the local server connection upto your home connection. From what I can see here, we have not heard back from you after the contact and appointment on February, so the issue has been tagged as resolved and closed.
Matt: Not the case at all. We have always had inconsistent speeds, always had drop in service and always had trouble connecting. Many times we have called, but even patient people can only wait on the phone as your service techs must be incredibly busy…
Lester: Our tier 2 team should be able to come out within the next 24-48 hours. Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Lester: I understand, and once again, we truly apologize for the inconveniece. Rest assured that we will be doing our best to resolve this issue for you once and for all, as soon as possible.
Matt: OK.
Lester: Thank you for patiently waiting Matt. I have now submitted the escalation request to our tier 2 team, and they should be doing the tests for your service on 05/23, and they will be coming over to your house to do further testing within 1230-230pm, will this schedule work with you?
Matt: No that will not work, morning works.
Lester: I see. That would be the soonest time that we can have our tier 2 team come over for that day, the next morning slot available would be on 05/24, will that be alright?
Matt: Sure, the 24th works. Of course it’s a little insane that comcast sent a technician here yesterday, after having me wait a week for that, and now, a day later, I still have crappy service and you want to send another tech to figure out what yesterdays technician was unable to resolve. Does this make any sense to you?
Lester: I understand. It does happen at times that the first technician has apparently resolved the issue, only for the issue to recur a few hours after the appointment.
Lester: This usually happens when the issue is connection-related, as it is now, as the connection tests can show fluctuations during the testing itself, which may lead the tech to see that the issue has been resolved. This is precisely the reason why we have our tier 2 escalation team, for us to be able to resolve issues that we have been unable to resolve the frist time around.
Matt: Of course.
Lester: Once again, we truly apologize for the inconvenience Matt. Rest assured that we should be able to resolve your issue once and for all.
Matt: It just seems, after months of poor service, this tier two team would have already been working to resolve this issue.
Matt: When will this tier two team be here on Friday?
Lester: They should be there around 8-10am.
Matt: Perfect.
Lester: Your reference number for this escalation ticket is: ************
Lester: It has been a pleasure assisting you with your concern today Matt. Will there be anything else that I can assist you with?
Matt: Yes, last week, the technician agreed that I should receive a refund of some sort for this terrible service, and she said the billing department would handle that and forwarded my call to the billing people. When talking with the billing department, they said the only people who could discount/refund/credit my account was the technicians…and of course, I was forwarded back to the technicians, only to have my call dropped. I called back, spoke with the technician people who told me, shockingly, the billing department would be responsible for any sort of credit. Imagine my surprise to be forwarded back and forth. So, yes, Lester, please go ahead and credit my account for 5 months of terrible internet connections please.
Lester: Yes, I was actually able to see notations of your previous contacts regarding the credit request. I can see here that a credit request has already been submitted to our Internal Billing team, I will be submitting a follow up request to have one of our local agents check the status of your credit request. Can we reliably contact you at *********** for more information and/or updates regarding this request?
Lester: Are you still there?
Matt: Yes, that would be swell.
Matt: Of course, no one at Comcast had told me anything about this request.
Lester: Thank you. You can expect a call from one of local representatives within the next 24-48 hours to provide you updates regarding this credit request.
Matt: Thanks!
Matt: Good day to you sir.
Lester: You are most welcome.
Lester: If you need future assistance, we are available 24 hours a days and 7 days a week. Thank you for choosing Comcast for your entertainment needs. We appreciate your business and value you as a customer! Our goal is to provide you with a consistently superior customer experience – that’s our guarantee. Learn more about the Comcast Customer Guarantee at http://www.comcast.com/corporate/Customers/CustomerGuarantee.html?fss=customer%20guarantee . You may now click the “Exit Chat” or the X button to properly close the chat.
Matt: Well, I must copy this chat, because I love posting my Comcast chats on my blog, because people seem to love reading these amazing chats.
Matt: Thank you again for your help.
Lester: Our tier 2 team should be able to come out within the next 24-48 hours. Please allow me a few minutes to complete the process.
Matt: I said, Good Day To You Sir.
The analyst has left and your issue has been closed.
Lester: Analyst has closed chat and left the room
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Sticker season
Last year Mergatroid Books gave away thousands of stickers as part of a contest to see who could stick them someplace interesting (the White House), send it the digital picture and win a great prize.
The contest continues. If you would like some stickers to compete to win a new Ipad, email us and we will tell you exactly what you need to know. email? madfacts@yahoo.com.
Here is what this years sticker looks like.
The contest continues. If you would like some stickers to compete to win a new Ipad, email us and we will tell you exactly what you need to know. email? madfacts@yahoo.com.
Here is what this years sticker looks like.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
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