Fields

No step

Watermelon grows

Headline of the day

Cummington Fair: "If you come once, you'll come again."

Sun flowers

The congress of chicken coops

Recently we had to “remove” a couple of old hens from our gaggle of chickens because they had become mean and awful. A quick history.

Last year we had a few chickens and once they got comfortable in the new chicken condo, they all started laying eggs, which was their sole purpose in our life. Sorry, but thats farm life. After a year together a couple of the older chickens, using seniority as a justification for taking control of the flock, we started to notice something insane and equally abusive.

The old ladies, who we started to call Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan, mostly because they both seem mean spirited and vengeful, would take over the entryway to the coop whenever they wanted and controlled who could use the egg laying areas. We noticed as the takeover continued that McConnell and Ryan would arbitrally not allow entry to the coop somedays, just to prove their power. During this time, the stress and bitterness felt from the other chickens caused a vast change in laying. We started to have days when we would get no eggs, or one egg that appeared to just be perfunctory, but nothing substantial. It’s as if the ladies went into the coop and voted to defund Obamacare again, while parks fell into disrepair and bridges fell into rivers.

So, realizing something must be done, we removed McConnell and Ryan from their positions of power and made sure they could never again return to ruining the working arrangement of the coop. With the two old geezer chickens now out of the picture, miraculously we once again started seeing daily eggs and the chickens are working together, free ranging and laughing at inside chicken jokes.

There is a lesson to be learned here. When you remove the old, out of touch, bitter and power crazy chickens, the rest of the flock can actually do what we all want them to do.

At one

The Trump reach around

Last year my dead dog signed up to receive email from the Trump Campaign, because she is a right wing nut case and also because she likes clowns.

Periodically she received emails, but as Trump became the obvious (and dangerous) GOP nominee, she would often reply with terse and insulting comments directed at the obviously under qualified, moronic, orange faced, tiny fingered vulgarian. No matter what she wrote in reply to his mass emails, she never heard back. Until this morning.

First, she got this email from the Trump campaign:

"Dear Beth,

Make sure to get your tickets to join Donald J. Trump and team in Fairfield, CT tomorrow, August 13th, for a Donald J. Trump for President Rally! Details about the event are below:

Saturday, August 13th: Fairfield, CT
William H. Pitt Center at the Campus of Sacred Heart University
5151 Park Ave
Fairfield, CT 06825
Doors Open: 4:30 PM
Event Begins: 7:30 PM
Register for tickets by clicking here.
Please limit personal items and arrive early to expedite entrance into the venue - please note, NO homemade signs, banners, professional cameras with a detachable lens, tripods, monopods, selfie sticks, back packs or large bags will be permitted into the venue.

We hope to see you there!

Sincerely,

Team Trump"

To which she replied:

"Dumb Donny, you're a con man and an idiot."

Usually, that would be it. No reply, my dead dog feeling somewhat superior in her twitter like insult to an oblivious blow hard. Then a new email, in reply to my dogs message, was received.

"Good Morning,

We respect your opinion and we are sorry to receive your letter. Mr. Trump is fighting for every vote. We believe the information you have been provided about Mr. Trump’s views is not correct, and we encourage you to visit our website, www.DonaldJTrump.com for more information on Mr. Trump’s policy positions and his plan to boost incomes, rebuild our military, protect against terrorism, and to fight for you and all Americans against the special interests.

Sincerely,
Team Trump"

So my dog, who once successfully sued the United States Postal Service for supporting Lance Armstrong, replied as only a Harvard educated Australian Shepard could:

"That does not change the fact that Trump is a moronic bigot, multi-married, racist, bankrupt con man who is fooling low information rubes, but continues to lose in the polls because the vast majority of Americans will not fall for his con.
Good day to you."

She does not expect another reply, but because she's an optimist at heart, she secretly hopes Ivanka gives her a shoutout.

Logic of distance

Garden bowling ball

Imperfect

Week day

Mystery in rock

Mystery in rock

3 lights

Our circular understanding

Love 2

Soccer

https://youtu.be/2j80tCzDZgU

Table with iris

NYC street art

Blooming

The garden view

Personal growth

Front door

Todays most important headline

FBI RACES FOR BACKDOOR EXIT

Spirits

Today's most important headline

Your Sex Toys Could Be Vulnerable To Cyberattack

Rascally rabbit

I never should have fed the ragged little bunny that I saw shivering a couple of months back, slinking in a corner of our garden shed. He was so frail and weak, I could have put him out of his misery with a shovel and without a second thought.

I didn’t do that. Instead, I dug unto the chicken food and put a bowl down. “Here you go boy, have some food,” I said, placing the bowl on the hard ground and walking out, into the snowy field, making my way to the chicken coop. It was the dead of winter and the ladies had lost some of their passion for egg laying. That didn’t bother me, I don’t much like eggs. There were two eggs and I made sure their water had not froze and then I made my way back to the house.

The next day the rangy rabbit was nestled in the same corner, looking at me apprehensively, but I saw a routine developing. I filled his little bowl, looked at him and said, “you’re looking much better today.”

There were three eggs and the water was not frozen. That was my winter morning ritual for another ten days. Then, after more than a week of feeding the cornered rabbit and making sure the chickens had food and water, that special morning, the morning that I will always remember as the time I looked at my life and thought I had peace, a sense of place and people around who I loved deeply and they seemed to love me. I made my way to the shed, it had snowed the night before and I was wearing uncomfortable snow boots. I slid into the shed on a thin sheet of ice, frozen under the new snow, and the rabbit was laying on his side in the corner, relaxing in the cold gravel. I said, “good morning handsome, let me get your breakfast.”

“Any way you could change things up, say add some lettuce or kale?” He said.

I don’t do nearly the same drugs I did when a talking rabbit would have made sense. I had a cup of coffee and a yogurt for breakfast, nothing unusual. I stood still there for a few seconds. I looked at the wall, then at the window, the snow had left lovely little drifts in the edges. I smiled, then remembered the vocal request from the rabbit. 

“I’m sorry,” I began, “did you say something?”

“Yes, well, it was a request, and really, I don’t want to be rude. I mean, seriously, I was dying and you were like a god to me. You fed and nourished me, and believe me, I will find a way to pay you back.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” I said, slightly cynically. 

“Seriously, you’d be surprised the skills I have.”

“I’m shocked you speak.”

“I was not sure when to speak up, so to speak,” the rabbit said. 

“Oh, I’m cool with you talking and I can bring you some sort of salad mix. Anything else?” 

“The chickens think you’re a moron.”

“Honestly?” I asked, bewildered, because my interactions with the chickens had always been respectful. 

“Yeah, they pegged you months ago, when you fell in the mud.”

“They saw that?”

“Apparently, yeah, and they started to notice how you would spill their food, and sometimes drop the water and have to go back and refill it. Things like that gives a chicken ideas.”

“Chickens have ideas?”

“No,” the rabbit began, “now that I think about it, they may be projecting a little bit, because between you and me, those birds are complete idiots.”

“I think so too. I mean, who poops and then just walks right into it?”

“I know, right? I’m all about the pellets.”

I left that day, with the promise to bring more leafy vegetables. Over the past couple of months the rabbit and I have really began to get to know one another. He’s actually a complicated rabbit, his family lives at a local college and they are all, well, elitist. He has a half brother named Rafael, which is rare in rabbit life, most don’t have names, a fact I found annoying. 

One morning I asked the rabbit if he had a name and he explained how the vast majority of rabbits just call one another rabbit. I was fine with calling him rabbit, until he told me about his half brother Rafael, which made me long for a fun name I could refer to him as. I offered up Stew.

“Stew,” he asked, incredulously.

“It’s a fine name really.”

“How long did you think it would take me to figure out “rabbit Stew”?”

I actually had not thought of that. I poured out some organic kale and fresh South American carrots into his dish and left the shed, ashamed.

Seventeen

Singing towards the empty field

Whenever I have any sort of medical issue, I run it by my college sweetheart, Dr. Dawn Coyote. Of course, in college she was my favorite weed dealer, before we became entangled. That did not last long enough, at least for me, but decisions were made and we made a friendship that was always better than what could have been.

I was recently in a terrible horse accident and I called Dr. Dawn Coyote for a second opinion. “What sort of horse accident are we talking about here,” she asked, with just the slightest bit of incredulity you can imagine.

“Regular horse accident, that sort of thing,” I said. 

“O….K…..” She mumbled. “What are the injuries?”

“Broken fibula and two ribs,” I moaned into my cellphone, as I was still laid up in the emergency room. 

“So what’s your issue?”

“Well, medically, I’m not sure what to do about those broken ribs, but legally, I mean if I were hit by a car, then I would sue the driver.”

“So medically, there’s not much we do for broken ribs. We don’t even rap them anymore. Some pain medication and you have to just man-up,” Dr. Coyote said, matter of factly.

“Man-up you say?” I asked.

“Yes, medically speaking, you don’t want to waste too much time taking pain medication. Just deal with the pain. Man-the-fuck-up. Now, I am not an attorney, but my understanding has always been that if you are hit by a car, generally speaking, the car driver is at fault. Was this horse driving a car?”

“That would be funny. No, the horse in question was standing in a field.”

“As a horse is want to do.”

“Obviously. So, one thing led to another and here I am, in what I am sure is going to be a very expensive medical experience”

“Don’t you have Obamacare?”

“Fuck that, I can’t afford Obamacare.”

“And yet there you are, in an expensive emergency room.”

“Free morphine.”

“Oh honey, you are in for a surprise about that free morphine,” she said, as the free morphine put me into a nice slumber. 

Too sick to pray

Murka

A word from President Romney

Live on TV is every reason why this country made the best decision in history four years ago by not electing a magic underpants wearing robot. Whatever advice he offers, the smart thing is to do the opposite.

Got Drumpf?

If you find yourself alone in a voting booth today, and you feel it's your duty to vote for Donald J. Drumpf, please leave that booth this very minute, get in your car and drive at least three states away.

Thank you. 

Habitual ritual

Best New York Times headline of the day

The FIFA Longshots: Prince Ali, Monsieur Champagne and Mr. Sexwale

Wish you were there

Today's ride

Tea

Tea cup in winter

In the wind

Sports teams

The secret map

Why Trump is still crazy

It's become painfully obvious that the republican party really does not take itself seriously and no one with a functional brain does either.

That said, Don J Trump will probably still in, because in the end not even right wing gun licking crazy people will vote for a pudgy Canadian and a dimwitted Florida hack.

So Donny remains the man who will lose to whomever is running against him in November. The democrats are in an enviable position. A 7 year record of achievement for the current president. Wars ended, debt under control, a dead Osama, a functioning auto industry, a housing market not being crushed, investors swimming in Wall Street cash and more people with healthcare.

Republicans sell fear and hate, democrats generally sell not being republican.

Bring on the show.

Oh Iowa

Elderly uninformed white people in Iowa remind everyone they are not to be trusted.

Becky's magic

If you are interested in purchasing some art, click here.

Dear Iowa

There are a little more than three million people who live in Iowa, the vast majority are white and older. Tonight, if you elderly white people are lucky, ten percent of you will show up to caucus. A small percentage of a tiny states population will give TV empty headed pretty people something to gab about for at least 8 days.

The last time Iowa republicans actually picked a president was 2000 and thank you for helping get the worst war criminal president in history elected.

So, dear fellow Americans who happen to live in Iowa, please do us all a favor, stay home and do what you undoubtedly do almost every night of the year, and that is spend the night wishing you lived in a better state. 

Thanks Obama

Paint

The real thugs

Faces

Yes, these sorts of paintings are available for sale. Click.

All the people I know

A new series of paintings. This is one of ten, each depicting people I know. There are painted works for sale here. 

I am now Bob Abernathy, local TV news anchor

I was in a smaller city in one of those states you can never find on a map and I started to notice complete strangers would stop and look at me, distinctly, as if they wanted to say something. Some would smile, others just nodded and kept doing whatever they were doing in a decent sized midwestern city.

Then as I was leaving I happened to be sitting in the gate 5 waiting area at the completely adequate airport and this cute happy young woman came and asked if she could take a "selfie" with me. No one in my entire life had ever asked me that particular question, and at my age, with my experience, I have been asked what I thought was all of the remaining questions.

So I stood up to pose for her selfie and she said, "I thought you'd be taller." Three times in my life women have told me they thought I'd be shorter, but this was a first. I asked her what she meant by her comment and she said, "you're Bob Abernathy, the news guy." I did not bother to tell her I was not Bob Abernathy. We posed, she took a photo and soon a few others, having watched her, came up and asked the same question. I was all for it. One teenager asked if I would sign his magazine. I asked his name, Ramon, and wrote, "Ramon, the force is strong with you, best, Bob Abernathy, local news anchor."

My favorite city in the world

Spread my ashes here please.

Learn something new everyday

Today I learned that in some states in America, during the winter, there might be snow.

Baby sticker in Amsterdam

Thank you

It's so sweet of you people to not only waste time reading this blog and reading the incredibly boring posts, but most importantly, thank you for clicking the ads that show up under these posts because that actually allows me to pay for my private jet, my fur coat and all the love letters I respond to from one V. Putin, Russia.

Palin remains painfully stupid, trump is jealous

www.DonaldJTrump.com   - JANUARY 19TH, 2016 -  Sarah Palin's Endorsement   Dear Beth,   I am proud to receive Sarah Palin's endorsement. Sarah Palin's support is a testament to my message to Make America Great Again and I am excited to share this news with you:   Palin Praises Trump's Leadership with Endorsement in Iowa   Best Wishes,    Donald J. Trump          Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. info@donaldtrump.com       Visit our unsubscribe page to remove yourself from further emails. 725 5th Avenue New York, NY 10022