Dear Iowa

There are a little more than three million people who live in Iowa, the vast majority are white and older. Tonight, if you elderly white people are lucky, ten percent of you will show up to caucus. A small percentage of a tiny states population will give TV empty headed pretty people something to gab about for at least 8 days.

The last time Iowa republicans actually picked a president was 2000 and thank you for helping get the worst war criminal president in history elected.

So, dear fellow Americans who happen to live in Iowa, please do us all a favor, stay home and do what you undoubtedly do almost every night of the year, and that is spend the night wishing you lived in a better state.