Early morning hate

The last couple of mornings I have been forced to wake early for some very important business type meetings and while having my coffee and rather boring gluten free cereal I have accidentally turned on the excessively large flat screen TV and watched some C-Span as I regretfully ate my tasteless but healthy breakfast.

If you are like me you do not ever get the pleasure of watching early morning C-Span so let me tell you what you are missing. Racism and hatred, that's what you are missing, that and a dull white man in a cheap suit who does not seem to know how to hang up on callers. C=Span has a strict hiring policy, it can only hire bland hosts who dress like JC Penny mannequins to host all of their shows, personality not required.

Yesterday I was sipping coffee and wondering why gluten free cereal tastes an awful lot like dog food when a caller from somewhere in America began a rant about the "fiscal cliff" blaming everything on "the entitlement society." This is when Boring Suit Man asked him exactly what the caller meant by entitlement society, which I believe in retrospect was exactly what the caller was hoping for, because he began a 30 second rant that went something like this.

"You can't have people sucking off the government tit all the time. People are getting welfare, living in Section 8 housing, getting free healthcare, government buses take them to doctors appointments, their food is paid for, so is their gas and electric. What you have here is an entire generation raised to think that they don't have to do nothing, they can sit at home and watch TV and just keep making kids and do nothing to make this country better and all these niggers have to do..."

The bad suit wearing guys draw dropped when the n-word was tossed out. That's what happened. Oh, you can say what you want about free housing and healthcare, but you throw the n-word out and the cheap suit loses his shit. How does a powerless sissy man lose his shit on C-Span? He told the caller that that "sort of language is never appropriate and that he is forbidden to ever call C-Span again." So there.

Wow, I thought, drinking my coffee and eating my terrible tasting cereal. First, racism is right there, early in the morning, spoon fed to you on C-Span. Wow. Then I thought, do the silly people at C-Span really think that the racist and hate filled neanderthals who make such phone calls will take the ban of no more calls punishment seriously? We shall see.

This morning, another early morning meeting, more terrible cereal, a sip of bitter coffee and a taste of C-Span and I could leave recharged to do battle with some marketing folks who seem to hate me. There I was, assured inside my head that yesterdays racist rant was a one-off, a rare goof up that could only happen on a live call in show on C-Span that probably no one else was watching. This morning, another boring guy in a decent suit this time was taking calls and again talking about this financial cliff, wondering how the Republicans would deal with the presidents latest offer. This time, a call from a man somewhere in the Midwest. He started off somewhat rational, saying Texas was at fault because George Bush was from Texas and George Bush started all those expensive wars and the largest military base was in Texas and just as the host was about to cut the caller off, the brilliance of C-Span was again laid out for everyone to hear.

"It's not just Texas though, see it's also Virginia, cause they get all the tax dollars to spend paying off all the military contractors like Haliburton. Plus Delaware, where the Vice President is from and the home of all the credit card companies. That's where all the money is, the credit companies are stealing everyone's money and you know the Jews are going to take our money and send it to Israel and..."

Again, the host cut the caller off, a little perturbed, but this time he did not chastise the caller, nor did he tell him never to call again. I am not sure what C-Span has in the way of standards and practices, but I do know this, you rail against a caller using the n-word, you get a lifetime ban, but you rail agains money changers using the j-word, you just get politely tossed off and that's about it. I am fine with that. I had a meeting to go to.

What I do know is this, I am going to start waking up earlier, C-Span rocks.

To be 16 again

Well, I am an optimist. When you're number one at anything, everyone is after you, and if you're number two, chasing number one can be a tiresome pursuit. But when you're number 16, like the United States is right now (according The Economist) then life is damn fine, because there are plenty of crappier countries down the list (hello Nigeria) and there are some really great countries in front of you, the likes of which America will never surpass.

Oh, well, 16 is not such a bad place to be.

That's right, using all sorts of numbers and statistics, The Economist has ranked the best countries to be born in for the year 2013 and the dear old United States is 16, tied with Germany. If you are like me you have to be asking yourself how could this happen? It's not like we have the worst education system in the world, although we do have one of the worst in the industrialized world, but certainly not as bad as Uganda. Of course, we have what Republicans like to call the "best healthcare system in the world" which is a lie, but they say it so often, it often sounds real. No, we do not have the best healthcare system in the world, but it sounds nice, much like, America is the best country in the world to have a baby in. Which is, of course not true, unless you completely discount Sweden, Singapore, Norway and the list, while not quite endless is about 15 countries longer than one might imagine.

Get the point? While the elected blowhards in Washington DC are trying to look stupid and petty and continue to lie about what a great country they are flushing down the international toilet, there are actually metrics that prove how far down that proverbial toilet we have already been flushed, and it's kind of far. Semi-senile senators waddle the streets demanding depends and tax cuts for the super wealthy all the while cutting all the programs that could have kept us just barely in front of Kuwait on the list of best places for baby having in 2013.

I know, we as Americans are brain washed from a very young age to believe we are the best country in the world and when studies show that's not true and when facts prove that's not always the case and when The Economist posts stories showing exactly how bad it is getting, the very least we should do is run out to Costco and buy a crate of Twinkies and sit back and watch some Jerry Springer and wonder how all of this could have happened. For me? I blame Obama. Why not? It most certainly is not my fault.

Todays favorite headline

Kate Middleton bangs

Financial cliff diving

Personally, I have always been something of a cliff diver, so I say, bring on this fiscal cliff and let’s go for it.

First, am I the only one who see’s our elected members of congress as these gelatinous slow moving idiots, the sorts of self important imbeciles that seek public office because their low self esteem would never allow them to continue their career as pedophilia ice cream delivery drivers back home?

When I was in college I would wait until the very last minute to finish a super important paper, no matter how much warning I had prior to the deadline. This is not how smart people do things, this is how irresponsible boneheads like me do things. This is also how congress does almost everything. This silly little “fiscal cliff” drama they have concocted is something they have not only created, it is something they could have dealt with months ago and something they could end now, tomorrow or any day. Trust me though, they will drag it out until the very last second because they are drama queen boneheads.

Not only are the vast majority of our members of congress boneheads, they are cartoon character boneheads. They appear to be self important, holding press conferences and hosting meetings, discussing super important affairs of the state and talking, always talking as if every word out of their jittery jowls is the most important word ever uttered.

If you step back for just a second you realize these are the close genetic links from the Roman empire senate, these fat lazy shitheads are the cousins of those swine who brought down the empire we like to laugh at. Think about it, Roman senators sat around in their plush chambers, offering favors to friends, sex to hot boys and wine to anyone who wanted a sip and spoke ill of the emperor to anyone who would listen. Sounds an awful lot like John McCain.

So, everyone keeps asking me, what the hell is going to happen. I know, you know, we all know what will happen. The country will plummet off the fiscal cliff on January First and everyone with a finger will point it at the pasty white guy in the other party. Taxes will increase immediately. Soon after, all the badly dressed idiots we so fondly call senators and congressmen will meet and miraculously come to some sort of serious, and I mean super serious, conclusion. See, when the fiscal cliff is overtaken, guess what the vast right wing nuts get to do? Once the taxes rise on January first, those republicans will once again get to hold hands and, wait for it, vote to lower taxes for everyone. That’s right, one week after being unable to find a compromise, the elected shitheads will somehow find it in their cold cold hearts to lower the taxes that just automatically rose.

Amazing how that works. Everyone will be happy. The democrats get to raise taxes on the wealthy, the republicans get to cut taxes for the wealthy, the people get to watch our elected shitheads prance around and make silly faces in front of expensive cameras and all the while, nothing really gets done.

As a somewhat professional cliff diver, all I can say is, watch out below, because sometimes, when you dive off a cliff, the water can be a lot more shallow than it appeared just seconds before. I know this, because personally, I have broken my nose no less than 7 times.

Winter of his disco

My friend Karl Tivey is dying, but then, when you think about it, who isn’t? It’s a marvel more people aren’t really. In fact, if I were a betting man, I’d put a thousand on everyone of us doing exactly what Karl is in the midst of, although not nearly as sexily.

Karl came to stay for the holidays and while he was napping on my couch I grabbed his bag of medications and went to the magic google machine and did some research. Karl picked up the HIV back when it was deadly, but back then he was not so smart as to seek immediate treatment. His immune system is kaput. If he were to hear you sneeze he would turn and walk away, he is both smart and paranoid, which means we get along just fine.

As he slept I did my research and realized that my friend was probably doing more harm that good by ingesting the chemicals he has been using to treat his disease. I did not want to just impose my opinion on my friend, so I waited. During dinner I coached the subject in the most subtle manner I knew.

“You know those medicines you take are toxic, right?” I said, simply.

“Yeah, I’m not stupid. Pass the rice.”

Karl explained that he had stopped by my house for a couple of weeks to stop taking the medications. He was going to do it cold turkey and he thought my house would be as good of a place as any. He was probably right, cold turkey is a phrase often used around this joint, and not just to describe an unusually delicious thanksgiving dinner served three hours late because of a JetBlue mishap.

Since Karl has been here I have found it only appropriate to wear my French maids outfit. Karl is having massive migraine headaches, giving up toxic pharmaceuticals without consulting a specialist will do that to you, and I am serving as his nurse. I waddle around offering pudding and a green juice cocktail enhanced with just a touch of homemade tequila. Karl spends most of his days in the guest room, windows covered, as dark as possible, his head pounding, no sounds allowed at all.

We miss the summer and the spring, the floating leaves of fall. The air in his room is cold, which is what he requested. I don’t know why. It is now winter in my heart, hearing and watching my friend suffer as he prepares for some sort of expedition I have no clue of how it might end. I think of the spring bulbs my lover and I planted and I whisper in Karls ear that he has to return to watch them bloom.

Soldier on

Don't ask, don't tell

Best dinner ever

Another holiday has come and gone and nothing says holiday inquisition like a table filled with food and questions about parenting like I was subject to yesterday.

Here is how it played out and if you are familiar with Nuremburg or the Hague or any number of bogus trials you already know how sitting in front of a bunch of opinionated and angry people can lead to uncomfortable silences and ruined pumpkin pie eating. So it probably was at the dinner table with Hitler and so it was at Thanksgiving when my 17 or so children decided, some with their mouths full, that I was the worst father in history.

Now, imagine my surprise, because there have been some terrible fathers in history and mind you Donald Trump still is alive.

No, these children, some of which sprang from my very loins, took it upon themselves to claim that I, their diminutive father, was part abusive jerk and part verbally assaulting Neanderthal. I have no shame when admitting I was not a perfect father, heck, I was the father who accidentally left two young children at a “coffee shop” in Amsterdam for two weeks while I got stoned and enjoy “art” with a beautiful European super model. I was the “father” who took the kids on a Volkswagon bus tour of the west coast, which included nude beaches in Washington State, Oregon and at least 7 beaches in California. I may have also been the father who sold one or two of my children into white salvery to the failed Romney campaign.

So, without admitting guilt, something I learned to do from not more than 4 lawyers, I can say (this was cleared by my non-Jewish lawyer) that I was indeed not the best father, but that did not protect me from the abuse I received while serving these “children” a dinner of tofurkey and steak. I sat at the head of the table and listened for hours as child after child listed grievance after grievance, something about leaving them alone for months at a time, feeding them nothing by hot baby formula and cocaine and for my Native American son Geronimo he even claimed that I stole his room and allowed industrialists to ruin it with mining, timber harvesting and oil production. To this charge I, of course said, “cry me a river.”

All in all, it was the best thanksgiving ever.

53 percent are laughing

With the vote counting drawing to a close, Mitt Romney is set to end up as 'Mr 47 percent' - the proportion of Americans he infamously branded as 'victims' and 'dependent on the state'.
According to Dave Wasserman of the non-partisan Cook Political Report, with new tallies from Maryland coming in, President Barack Obama has now crossed the threshold of 64 million votes, bringing Romney's national percentage down to 47.56 percent.
Once the counts in the Democratic strongholds of California and New York are completed, it is a virtual certainty that Romney will dip below 47.5 percent meaning that his overall percentage will be round down to 47.

Finally, the election is over, Seamus

Karl Rove got around to calling the election this morning, finally. We all wait on pins and needles for the modern day Jabba to announce who wins and who loses and this election was like all the rest, we wait until super smart Karl makes his announcement and I, like you, stood naked in front of my big screen, looking at Fox News this morning at Karl and the gang announced that some how, completely unexpectedly, the Kenyan Muslim had once again stolen yet another election and this got me thinking. Karl is really not that smart.

Which really got me thinking. My lesbian dog used to date Seamus Romney, back in the day and once, when Seamus and Beth had spent an afternoon on the beach, sniffing one anothers butts and eating garbage, I called out to her, I called, Beth and she looked up at me with that same look of wonder and entitlement that most Obama voters get when they look at the president, a look of, “OK, I hear you, but what sort of treats do you have for me if you expect me to walk through the sand all the way up to your air conditioned hummer.”

So there I was, sitting in my air conditioned hummer, listening to Aerosmith and smoking crystal meth with Tumbleweed Romney when one of those massive Mercedes Benz four wheel drive super macho truck like monsters pulls up and the passenger window slowly rolls down and Ann Romney drunkenly lollygags out and screams, “Tumble, you an Seamus tie yerselves on top a the car, we in a hurry.” With that she took a swig of what looked like moonshine and the window slid back up.

A near naked Tumbleweed ran over to the beach like a trained robot, pulled Seamus off my dog and ran to the Mercedes, pulled the rope he and I had used not 10 minutes before out of his pocket, jumped on the roof and proceeded to tie the both of them up in a series of spectacular knots, the likes of which could never be fabricated again, if payment was not offered, of that I am sure.

The Mercedes roared to life and that was the end of the Romney campaign. Sadly, it was also the end of Seamus too, because as Mitt made a wild turn onto the freeway, in a true act of love, lust and hunger, Seamus broke free, jumped off the speeding Mercedes in an attempt to reunite with his lesbian lover Beth, and he was immediately hit by an oncoming Haliburton toxic waste spewing milk truck. So it goes.

Beth and I, we were fine, untouched really. In fact, as some sort of holiday gesture to the under employed, republican and otherwise illiterate – we are offering the sad but true stories associated with Beth Libitard, former disgraced CIA director, current concubine of one lesbian MSNBC hostess and future Secretary of State. That book is here. Enjoy.

Denver never smelled so sticky

Who didn't see this coming?

As of Saturday November 10, 2012, citizens from 15 States have petitioned the Obama Administration for withdrawal from the United States of America in order to create its own government.

States following this action include: Louisiana, Texas, Montana, North Dakota, Indiana, Mississippi, Kentucky, North Carolina, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, Colorado, Oregon and New York. These States have requested that the Obama Administration grant a peaceful withdrawal from the United States.

These citizen generated petitions were filed just days after the 2012 presidential election.

Louisiana was the first State to file a petition a day after the election by a Michael E. from Slidell, Louisiana. Texas was the next State to follow by a Micah H. from Arlington, Texas.

The government allows one month from the day the petition is submitted to obtain 25,000 signatures in order for the Obama administration to consider the request.

The Texas petition reads as follows:

The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government’s neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it’s citizens’ standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.

If I may, I would like to recommend a name for the new country. How about, The Illiterate States of Klu Klux Klanistan?

Why Romney lost the election

You may have noticed that earlier this week the American people just said no to former Massachusetts governor and Magic Underpants wearing Mormon curse chanting all around fun guy Mitt Romney during what was advertised as some sort of election.

Since that time everyone of Karl Roves chins has come up with a different excuse for the presidents re-election, from voter fraud to misspent wealth to over 390 billion dollars spent on high class donuts.

If you ask me it all comes back to Winter in Iowa. It comes back to me. I am sorry to say this, but back then I was following the inept and insane republican hopefuls around the barren and boring cornfields of the once proud state of Iowa as these craven white people went begging for acceptance and a vote. During the primaries these "candidates" will do almost anything to get attention and at some point I ended up speaking via cellphone to none other than Willard Mitt Romney, who did everything he could to cast a secret Mormon curse on me.

Sure, I may have dated Tumbleweed Romney, even got him drunk, all of which is against some scary and sacred Mormon rule of some sort, but if Tom Cruise can do it, so can Tumbleweed, at least that's what I told Tumbleweed.

Either way, Mitt was upset and during our conversation, which follows, he did everything he could to toss a curse of Mormon hell right onto my lap. Of course, having had Mormon curses tossed my way numerous times, I did what any right thinking American would do, I tossed them right back, which probably cost the sweet natured and always likable former Mr. Utah the election. For that I am kind of sorry.

Here is the chapter from "Dancing With Mannequins and Idiots, One Lone Reporters On the Ground Coverage of the Republican Primary Race 2012."


“Ishkabbibble?” I asked. “Is that what you said?”

Mitt Romney, the handsome former governor and possible robot (suspected) on the other end of a long distance phone call replied, “I just think we have a bad connection, what was the question again?”

“Well, it seems that everyone keeps bringing up the Mormon issue and I was…”

“Ishkabbibble.”

“Yeah, see, there it is again.”

“Not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Well, I asked you about Mormons.”

“Look, I’ve addressed this countless times, it really isn’t an issue anymore, either people are going to get over the whole Mormon thing, or they are not.”

“Right, and I guess my point is”

“Ishkabbibble.”

“Yeah, there it is. What is that you keep saying?”

“Didn’t catch your question. Ask again.”

“Where did you say you were today?”

“We left Iowa City this morning, now we’re approaching Splendid, town of I’d say 500 people. Good people, like most of the people we meet in Iowa, and heck, around this great country.”

“I’m sure that’s true sir.”

“You should join us sometime.”

“Is that an invitation to join your campaign on the bus Governor Romney?”

“God no, you said you were a Jew right?”

“No, I did not say that.”

“Ishkabbibble. Wait a second, I read that. Right.”

“Read it?”

“Ishkabbibble. I had it somewhere. What was the question?”

“You keep saying Ishkabbibble. What does that mean?”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. I can tell you this, the good people of Iowa are more interested in jobs and cutting wasteful spending in Washington DC than they are about silly negative campaign tricks. That’s what I keep hearing.”

“I’m sure that’s the case. But I keep hearing you wear magic underwear.”

“Ishkabbibble.”

“Yes, of course. How do you plan to create jobs if elected presi…”

“Ishkabbibble. The key is listening to the people. Of course, we have to cut taxes and once we cut taxes, we will know how to cut things, so we may as well cut the regulations that are really slowing job growth, you know what this country needs more than anything right now?”

“Ishkabbibble?”

“What’s that? No, what this country needs is less Obamacare and more Romney Magic.”

“Is that a new campaign theme?”

“Don’t know yet, we were just throwing it around in the bus, what do you think?”

“I like it.”

“So other than continually running for president, what do you do for a living?”

“Is that a joke question?”

“No. Well, kind of.”

“Ishkabbibble. Here’s the thing, Matt, is that you’re name?”

“Ishkabbibble, yeah, that is. But you can call me, Ishkabbibble.”

“That’s funny.”

Right here, right at this very second over a bad phone connection as the Mitt Romney for President 2012 bus was driving down some God forsaken lonely highway in a terrible rural area of Iowa, a state not known for much of anything, this is when affable Fred McMurray like robot Mitt Romney dropped his nice guy persona. All of a sudden, right there at that instant, it was as if nice guy Fred McMurray handed the phone to 1970’s Clint Eastwood in full Dirty Harry persona, I get this.

“Hey Matt, you listen, and you listen good. You must think it’s all about asking these stupid fucking questions and trying to make me sound like some sort of elite pompous pussy, which is all you liberal wankers do anyway. Then you keep pointing out my little speech defect, that Ishkabbibble I say every now and then. But what you don’t understand, what a punk like you could never understand is that I am a proud Mormon, and yes I am wearing magic underwear, and what you might not comprehend is that those magic underwear you like to make fun of, Ishkabbibble, well, they do indeed give me a power, and one of those powers is to cast curses. Did you just snicker? Listen to me punk. I say Ishkabbibble three, well, now make that 2 more times and you end up spending all of eternity in Mormon hell. So, giggle away sissy boy. Cause what you just have to be asking yourself right now is did old Mitt count how many Ishkabbibble’s he already said, or might you already be damned to eternal Mormon hell.”

“Ishkabbibble, let me just say this. Ishkabbibble. As you can imagine. Ishkabbibble. I too understand how much fun it is to wear kinky undies, right now I am wearing a pair of my lawyers Victorias Secret edible, yet earth friendly, athletic wear undies. Ishkabbibble. Now, at some point, while you were rambling on about your campaign or your kids or something about how pretty your hair is, I Googled Ishkabbibble, and realized you were, well, putting some sort of Mormon hex on me Ishkabbibble – even though Jews don’t get all hung up on silly religious games, well, other religions silly religious games. Ishkabbibble. The point is, I Googled it, and just by chance, I discovered that I can cancel out your obnoxious hex and send it right back at you, Ishkabbibble, just by repeating the number of Ishkabbibble’s enough times. Ishkabbibble. Catch my drift? By the way, Wikipedia describes Mormon Hell as Donny and Marie singing Chrismas carols 24-7. My lord, that really is hell.”

“Oh, that’s getting Mormon Hell Provo style on your ass. We take that shit seriously, Ishkabbibble.”

“Well governor, Ishkabbibble, thank you again for the interview. Ishkabbibble.”

“Ishkabbibble. Oh, and keep in mind, if elected, there is no way I would name another Jew to the Supreme Court.”

“I never gave it a thought. Ishkabbibble”

“Ishkabbibble.”

With that the phone from the Romney bus went dead and Robot Romney rode off into the cold wilds of a desolate and barren state that no one really can find on a map. While Robot Romney smiles and sends out evil curses to unsuspecting, and might I add innocent interviewers, he continues his feckless and hateful campaign. I did recheck the latest on Mormon Hell and apparently you can have as many wives as you want. Which is, of course, just another version of hell for some of us.

Electronica review

After months and months of election coverage, not here mind you, but allowing others to pretend that an elderly rich white guy could spend a fortune to take back the White House, it's now time to get back to the real purpose of this blog, reviewing electronic products.

Microsoft was nice enough to send me a shitty new Surface, a tablet-like piece of shit product the Redmond based crap company has pushed out to the populace like a Boston based mega-rich boring republican tried to do with a crappy useless tablet like brick. Surface sucks worse than Tumbleweed Romney does after a diet Coke and a hit of some legal marijuana. Microsoft has not released a good product in 50 years. How they are still in business is beyond me.

That said, I begged the nerds at Apple for a Iphone 5 to test out and they were stupid enough to allow me to test it out and I tried, but it is such a light little slippery mess, I almost immediately dropped it and ran over it with my Fiat 500 sporty little car. The Fiat 500 is a wonder, great gas mileage, fun to drive, easy to park and illegal for me to drive, although my non-jew attorney assures me that soon enough I too should be able to drive again. That said, the Apple Iphone 5 can not withstand the drive-over of a Fiat 500 which is not really asking a lot, so for me, the Iphone 5 is a major fail.

Samsung asked me to review the Galaxy 3, which is some sort of tablet/phone/sex device. How could I resist? First, for a tablet, it is too small, for a phone, too big and for a sex device, I could not figure out how to make it vibrate for more than a few seconds, so, fail/fail/fail.

Next up, a new toaster. Now, toasters should not ever be confused for sex toys, but after trying to play with a Galaxy 3 for 7 days, I was somewhat desperate, so the toaster was it. After 3 days in the hospital, I can report, the Target Toaster is a miracle worker, give it a shot, just don't plug it in.

Shallow morons...

I love it when clowns and banal morons talk about people being shallow. I do not have cable television, so I never get the joy of waking to any Fox News programs, but this clip from this morning sure did make me laugh.

Stoned and gay married

I don't know about you, but after yesterdays super fabulous election, I purchased a ticket to Seattle, where I plan to smoke a shitload of pot and gay marry my boyfriend.

That's right, the good people of Washington State have decided people should get baked and get gay married. Oh, I am sure you, like me, are saying, yeah, but that will be sometime if the far off future when lawyers and other lawyer type people will fuck everything up.

No, actually, in December you can legally get baked and get all sorts of gay married. 3 Day waiting period after December 6th for a gay wedding, no waiting to get all high.

See you in Seattle for Hannukah, which starts on December 8th this year. Wow.

How I voted for Mitt Romney

Final political post of 2011

Nate Silver, a Jewish stat freak wanking at the New York Times has predicted the election for president will go for Obama. It's early, but like most Americans, I could not bring myself to vote for the zombie in magic underwear. That said, many people have called with the same questions today, is Nate Silver a witch. The answer is here.

Legal hoo haa

Vote for the white guy

For Mitt, the end is near

The stupids will vote for Romney