Finally, the election is over, Seamus

Karl Rove got around to calling the election this morning, finally. We all wait on pins and needles for the modern day Jabba to announce who wins and who loses and this election was like all the rest, we wait until super smart Karl makes his announcement and I, like you, stood naked in front of my big screen, looking at Fox News this morning at Karl and the gang announced that some how, completely unexpectedly, the Kenyan Muslim had once again stolen yet another election and this got me thinking. Karl is really not that smart.

Which really got me thinking. My lesbian dog used to date Seamus Romney, back in the day and once, when Seamus and Beth had spent an afternoon on the beach, sniffing one anothers butts and eating garbage, I called out to her, I called, Beth and she looked up at me with that same look of wonder and entitlement that most Obama voters get when they look at the president, a look of, “OK, I hear you, but what sort of treats do you have for me if you expect me to walk through the sand all the way up to your air conditioned hummer.”

So there I was, sitting in my air conditioned hummer, listening to Aerosmith and smoking crystal meth with Tumbleweed Romney when one of those massive Mercedes Benz four wheel drive super macho truck like monsters pulls up and the passenger window slowly rolls down and Ann Romney drunkenly lollygags out and screams, “Tumble, you an Seamus tie yerselves on top a the car, we in a hurry.” With that she took a swig of what looked like moonshine and the window slid back up.

A near naked Tumbleweed ran over to the beach like a trained robot, pulled Seamus off my dog and ran to the Mercedes, pulled the rope he and I had used not 10 minutes before out of his pocket, jumped on the roof and proceeded to tie the both of them up in a series of spectacular knots, the likes of which could never be fabricated again, if payment was not offered, of that I am sure.

The Mercedes roared to life and that was the end of the Romney campaign. Sadly, it was also the end of Seamus too, because as Mitt made a wild turn onto the freeway, in a true act of love, lust and hunger, Seamus broke free, jumped off the speeding Mercedes in an attempt to reunite with his lesbian lover Beth, and he was immediately hit by an oncoming Haliburton toxic waste spewing milk truck. So it goes.

Beth and I, we were fine, untouched really. In fact, as some sort of holiday gesture to the under employed, republican and otherwise illiterate – we are offering the sad but true stories associated with Beth Libitard, former disgraced CIA director, current concubine of one lesbian MSNBC hostess and future Secretary of State. That book is here. Enjoy.