Financial cliff diving

Personally, I have always been something of a cliff diver, so I say, bring on this fiscal cliff and let’s go for it.

First, am I the only one who see’s our elected members of congress as these gelatinous slow moving idiots, the sorts of self important imbeciles that seek public office because their low self esteem would never allow them to continue their career as pedophilia ice cream delivery drivers back home?

When I was in college I would wait until the very last minute to finish a super important paper, no matter how much warning I had prior to the deadline. This is not how smart people do things, this is how irresponsible boneheads like me do things. This is also how congress does almost everything. This silly little “fiscal cliff” drama they have concocted is something they have not only created, it is something they could have dealt with months ago and something they could end now, tomorrow or any day. Trust me though, they will drag it out until the very last second because they are drama queen boneheads.

Not only are the vast majority of our members of congress boneheads, they are cartoon character boneheads. They appear to be self important, holding press conferences and hosting meetings, discussing super important affairs of the state and talking, always talking as if every word out of their jittery jowls is the most important word ever uttered.

If you step back for just a second you realize these are the close genetic links from the Roman empire senate, these fat lazy shitheads are the cousins of those swine who brought down the empire we like to laugh at. Think about it, Roman senators sat around in their plush chambers, offering favors to friends, sex to hot boys and wine to anyone who wanted a sip and spoke ill of the emperor to anyone who would listen. Sounds an awful lot like John McCain.

So, everyone keeps asking me, what the hell is going to happen. I know, you know, we all know what will happen. The country will plummet off the fiscal cliff on January First and everyone with a finger will point it at the pasty white guy in the other party. Taxes will increase immediately. Soon after, all the badly dressed idiots we so fondly call senators and congressmen will meet and miraculously come to some sort of serious, and I mean super serious, conclusion. See, when the fiscal cliff is overtaken, guess what the vast right wing nuts get to do? Once the taxes rise on January first, those republicans will once again get to hold hands and, wait for it, vote to lower taxes for everyone. That’s right, one week after being unable to find a compromise, the elected shitheads will somehow find it in their cold cold hearts to lower the taxes that just automatically rose.

Amazing how that works. Everyone will be happy. The democrats get to raise taxes on the wealthy, the republicans get to cut taxes for the wealthy, the people get to watch our elected shitheads prance around and make silly faces in front of expensive cameras and all the while, nothing really gets done.

As a somewhat professional cliff diver, all I can say is, watch out below, because sometimes, when you dive off a cliff, the water can be a lot more shallow than it appeared just seconds before. I know this, because personally, I have broken my nose no less than 7 times.