Customer service hell

Over the past few months I seem to have telephonically traveled the world in search of the banal and idiotic customer service representatives from a variety of American based corporations. When my internet dropped to a level that made dial up seem like internet meth, I called Comcast. Numerous times I would talk to someone claiming to be named Mike, or Becky, and I would explain everything to them, how I was paying top dollar for service that an obese turtle would complain about and in the end, nothing changed.
In the midst of that mess, Verizon Wireless did some sort of tricky switch and I ended up all over their Philippine call center, begging for just one person who could understand a deranged customer. That soon ended well, if by well means I paid more for less.
Soon after I was dragged around the country on a Delta flight that began in hell and flew lower and lower until I could look out my cramped window and witness Saddam Huessien, Osama Bin Laden and my sweet departed mother playing poker, there in the lowest reaches of the hottest place in history. After contacting Delta with a scathing and hysterical letter, describing in infinite detail the idiocy and possible illegal activity their representaitves and crews engage in, I of course, heard nothing.
It should come as no surprise that in the midst of all these corporate communications gone wrong, I would get a sweet letter from my home security company, an incompetent and sublimely slow witted service that fails anytime it is tested, telling me that the rates for their fifth rate service would be increasing. I did what I have been Pavlovian trained to do at this point, I sent a scathing email to some corporate dope in Thailand.
So, sending all those emails and waiting hours for my internet to connect, my need for a new laptop became obvious. I was able to order online at the super friendly Apple online store. All went well, until nothing was delivered, ever, anyplace. So I guess, all did not go well.
Of course, having recently learned that the time difference between me sending my angry emails never correspond to the slave-like working environment of the call centers and email response industry, I called Apple direct.
I got some sort of insipid runaround and after having nothing accomplished, since FedEx seems to have run off with my package, I was finally connected to an American, in America who has American type of experiences that only someone who grew up in and lives in America could share. We did what adults can sometimes do, we communicated and problem solved. Strange how speaking the same language can lead to something getting done.
And then today everything sort of changed, or almost everything.
A month after my nightmare Delta flight, a Senior Vice President of Doing Nothing Important, wrote me a very nice letter, explaining in detail what a bonehead I am and directing me to the company website to learn how passengers always get treated.
My home security company sent me a very nice letter, offering to lower my monthly rate back to what it was when they raised it, with of course, no detail on how long that may last, but a victory must be savored.
Verizon has remained impatiently evil, but I sourced out a new replacement phone with far fewer glitches, but surprisingly some very interesting and sexy home movies, all is well.
FedEx has decided to do something right and Apple is so happy to be sending me a computer, they are graciously including a tasteless travel bag along with the shipment.
There is a lesson to be learned here, but I have not learned it because just a few seconds ago, I stopped by my bank and a teller gave me what I was sure can only be described as a snarky glance. I must inform the corporate office of this obvious infraction.