My lesbian dog is nominated for a Grammy

I have been ghost writing a fairly well known professional fly fisherman's life story, for a fee of course. The book, which I call “Dumpsters Overflow” is really one of those lovely stories where a nice guy finds a way to do fun things for a living.

Which got me thinking, my lesbian attorney is up for a Grammy Award this year and she called from Beverly Hills last night, obviously a little tipsy and slurring her words, which are generally slurred anyway, but last night, she was particularly hard to understand.

“Obummercare is ruining California,” she began, immediately, without me even saying hello.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“Is me, Beth, Ima kina drunk.”

“Obvious…”

“An I’m pissed off about Obummercare.”

“Yeah, I got that too.”

“Unner pressure to perform at all the Crammy Events.”

“Did you say Crammy events?”

“Yeah, all week there’s these Crammy events and I was asked to…”

“You did say Crammy.”

“Yeah, Crammy events are scheduled all week.”

“It’s Grammy, Grammy events.”

“I know. Anyway, I was at Ringo Starrs party and these plastic surgery women kept asking me about my nomination.”

“I had no idea you were nominated for a Grammy.”

“Crammy gives awards for all kinds a shit.”

“I’d imagine.”

“‘There’s No Smoking Gun Here,’ it was a series of poems I wrote and recorded while I was in Tuscaloosa.”

“You wrote a book of poems and called it ‘There’s no smoking gun here?“

“Yeah, it was number one of Amazon for 17 weeks.”

“Seriously?

“Yeah, what do you think I do when I am not suing multi-national corporations over workers wrongs?”

“Don’t you mean workers rights?”

“Who cares about workers rights?” She asked, almost drunkenly outraged.

“Someone must.”

“Libbraerals,” she slurred. 

And she hung up the phone. Or the phone went dead, either way, the conversation with my lesbian attorney disappeared. Which was probably for the best. I was knee deep in a chapter of “Dumpsters Overflow” that dealt with the authors first brush with fame when he was fishing on a small lake in California and he rescued Dan Blocker, one of the actors from Bonanza, from drowning. 

I looked at the darkness of my blank phone for a second, and then back to the screen where “Dumpsters Overflow” was glowing and I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.