Comcast, the worst company in the universe

For over a year I have been trying in every possible manner to get the goofballs at Comcast to actually deliver what they promise, a high speed internet (for which we pay an exceptional amount of money). Instead, I have had what can only be called a master level course on everything that is wrong with large corporations who outsource their customer service to distant lands and never have any plan of delivering the services they promise.

Since January 2013 we have been basically begging Comcast to deliver the high speed internet they are more than happy to charge us for, but seemingly intent on never delivering. Where we live, the only option for higher that dial up service is Comcast, so we are doomed. When we realized that the speeds never met the Comcast promise, we began a dangerous dance with the crummy corporation. 

At least once a month we have welcomed a Comcast technician into our house, and every time we have received the news that something was found that contributed to the lack of real internet speeds. Not once have these “fixes” actually led to the promoted speeds that Comcast is constantly bragging about. 

The best thing about this terrible company is that they have outsourced their customer service phone service, so when you call, you almost always get someone who barely speaks English, but they consistently say, “Hello, my name is Barbie and I am here to make sure we have a solution to your problem.”

Of course, Barbie is never really named Barbie and Comcast has no plan to solve any problem, unless it is a billing issue and then that particular problem is always solved in seconds.

What I have learned over the past 13 months is no matter what the issue, the long distance customer service agent (Barbie) will never solve anything. He/she will promise to get to the bottom of this, then pretend to send this issue to a higher authority and that will be it. When you get finished being beaten down by this stupidity and decide in your best health to discontinue calling this far off land of customer service centers, Comcast will think they have miraculously actually solved an issue. 

That of course is never true. My sense is Comcast is like a bad dog who constantly poops on your best rug and after a month or two of this, you either give on training, or throw out the rug, either way the badly trained dog wins. 

Recently I called Comcast again and asked that somehow they actually figure out a way to deliver their promised speeds. I was told that this was news to them that my speeds remain terrible, since I had not called in 2 months. Instead of actually doing anything to fix the issue, the Barbie of this conversation recommended that I call whenever I experience slow service. I then explained to Barbie that I would be calling every day if that was the only way to get it fixed and Barbie said, “that may actually get your internet repaired.”

So I have added the Comcast customer service number to my favorites and everyday at lunch I call and speak with the latest Barbie and I complain about the slow internet speeds and he/she says that this will be a priority and everything will work out. I am pretty sure nothing will ever come of these phone calls, but at least one Barbie told me that if I ever make it to China we should meet for coffee, so there’s that.