Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Ipad fatties
I just happened to walk into an Apple store yesterday and there it was, this delicious new computing device, the Apple Ipad, or something.
I like Apple products. Recently my fat friend called to chide me on the Ipad. He is a friend and he is fat, so I call him my fat friend. Do I call him that to his face? No, mostly because he has a name, and secondly, I am pretty sure he knows he is my friend and I am certain he knows he is fat.
So fatty mcfatso calls to, I know really I should stop making fun of him. So my rotund friend calls and starts in about the Ipad. I could care less about the Ipad I say, I just recently purchased a brand spanking new MacBook pro, with a huge hard drive that I will never been able to fill up in my lifetime. Pigman had to keep going. I am never quite sure of his fat attitude and what makes him such a loud mouth, but there he was, asking if I was going to sleep out at an Apple store, or was I ordering online.
Hey Mr. Round-Ball, here is the thing, I am not going to buy one. Simple.
Well, I will buy one, because as I stated earlier, I accidentally walked into an Apple store yesterday and got my hands on an Ipad. Now, I would never tell fatty mcangry that I liked it, but I did. It's very cool, fund to play with and will someday offer useful stuff. That day was not yesterday. The losers and assorted Mac followers who had to have an Ipad yesterday are, well, losers and followers. Anyone who purchased an Iphone knows the Apple strategy, make a cool looking product and get it out to the sheep, but in the meantime, refine said product so in about a year it will actually be useful.
My new Iphone is great.
My new Ipad has not even been designed yet. I am patient. Unlike my fat friend, who has issues with control, issues with diet and issues with jealousy.
Why do we remain friends you might ask? I like him, it has nothing to do with his giant gut, still wears pants that are about 10 sizes too small and hardly ever gets my jokes. He is on the verge of not seeing his penis, or at least, that's my guess. I worry about fat people who can not see their sex organs. I like to know whats going on down there and can not imagine having to guess.
Anyway, no Ipad.
I like Apple products. Recently my fat friend called to chide me on the Ipad. He is a friend and he is fat, so I call him my fat friend. Do I call him that to his face? No, mostly because he has a name, and secondly, I am pretty sure he knows he is my friend and I am certain he knows he is fat.
So fatty mcfatso calls to, I know really I should stop making fun of him. So my rotund friend calls and starts in about the Ipad. I could care less about the Ipad I say, I just recently purchased a brand spanking new MacBook pro, with a huge hard drive that I will never been able to fill up in my lifetime. Pigman had to keep going. I am never quite sure of his fat attitude and what makes him such a loud mouth, but there he was, asking if I was going to sleep out at an Apple store, or was I ordering online.
Hey Mr. Round-Ball, here is the thing, I am not going to buy one. Simple.
Well, I will buy one, because as I stated earlier, I accidentally walked into an Apple store yesterday and got my hands on an Ipad. Now, I would never tell fatty mcangry that I liked it, but I did. It's very cool, fund to play with and will someday offer useful stuff. That day was not yesterday. The losers and assorted Mac followers who had to have an Ipad yesterday are, well, losers and followers. Anyone who purchased an Iphone knows the Apple strategy, make a cool looking product and get it out to the sheep, but in the meantime, refine said product so in about a year it will actually be useful.
My new Iphone is great.
My new Ipad has not even been designed yet. I am patient. Unlike my fat friend, who has issues with control, issues with diet and issues with jealousy.
Why do we remain friends you might ask? I like him, it has nothing to do with his giant gut, still wears pants that are about 10 sizes too small and hardly ever gets my jokes. He is on the verge of not seeing his penis, or at least, that's my guess. I worry about fat people who can not see their sex organs. I like to know whats going on down there and can not imagine having to guess.
Anyway, no Ipad.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Making the world safe for pedophiles
Ahh the Catholic church has finally come up with the perfect Easter gift. You know, I always worry about what to give my catholic friends around this time of the year. It's so hard when you run out of bunny related items. A chocolate bunny is so passe, and eggs, in any form seem so silly. Really, not a lot of people even eat eggs, and those that do are not proclaiming any religious superiority.
So, the New York Times has been digging into the dirty laundry of the Pope and his friends. Seems like for a long time the "church" has been allowing priests to score some boy action and the worst that could happen is the offending priests would be shuffled off to a new parish, where young boys would be plentiful and the cycle could continue until, well, until the offending priest was sent to hell for eternity, right?
So apparently the pope turn the other cheek, or something, and pretended that all these pedophiles in white collars were just, you know, doing gods work. I mean, the pope has a pretty busy schedule, what with dressing in robes and wearing all these gay jewels and sometimes getting totally high and watching priests abuse boys.
Now we are all wondering what we can get our friends this easter without making fun of the pope and his herd of pedophile priests. I have no suggestions. Oh, wait, a t-shirt, people love to get t-shirts. How about, "my priest abused all my friends and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?"
Friday, April 2, 2010
Great generation
I have never been a big believer that the generation that won World War 2 was anything super special. They did what they had to do and when I have come in contact with these people, more often than not, they downplayed their role in keeping the world safe from Nazi insanity.
Lately I have had the joy of meeting a couple of men from that generation, men who served and went to war, men who came back, worked, saved, raised families and are now ailing. There is something profoundly different from these men. I am not quite sure what it is, but hearing how they came home, got married and often times worked for 30-40 years sounds strangely unfamiliar.
My first question is how we got here, where we are today? I know a lot of men who are just wimpy, and not wimpy like running from bar fights, but just no serious backbone, no dedication to the country, the world, making a better life for themselves and families. No, the more modern man seems focused more on themselves. Now, here is the tricky part, because I do not think that the generation from World War 2 actually sat down and plotted how to be considered the greatest generation, no I believe they just did what was expected.
Expectations are a funny thing. I was talking to a co-worker about this yesterday and she said how strange it would be to have a single job with a single company for 30 years. Strange because we all figure we can shop our services around and go to the company that suits our fancy. When that company does not work out, we move on. She said she expected to have about 20 jobs in the next 30 years, and looking back over my life, that seems about right.
It is not the job stability that is different. There is a fundamental attitude in modern man/woman. First, our generation, those from the Greatest Generation, are way more selfish and expect more perks just because we are, I am not sure, Americans, educated, spoiled?
I listen to these older men, talking about their lives, and in some ways they are kind of boring. Spending 30 years working in a factory, never moving past a fairly menial position, just does not seem like a life well lived to me. Here is the twist, so much of this was done to dedicate one life to make the lives of their children better. Imagine that, looking back at your working life and seeing that you may not have made the money you would have liked, or the vacations you wanted, or fill in the blank. What you do get to see is how better your childrens life is in the long run. Dedicating your life for the betterment of your childrens life? That is also seemingly unheard of in many of my compatriots.
That to me is the difference. The greatest generation came home and went to work. My generation and those around mine, are spoiled, selfish and unfocused, but mostly we did not grow up, we did not dedicate our lives to anything more important that ourselves. Our focus on our needs, our wants and our own future may have seemed smart for a while, but looking at the people who really paved the way for our economy and our country, I am left feeling like many of us have wasted out lives. Ironic, because when I hear about people spending 30-40 years toiling at jobs that seem boring, I thought they had wasted their lives.
Lately I have had the joy of meeting a couple of men from that generation, men who served and went to war, men who came back, worked, saved, raised families and are now ailing. There is something profoundly different from these men. I am not quite sure what it is, but hearing how they came home, got married and often times worked for 30-40 years sounds strangely unfamiliar.
My first question is how we got here, where we are today? I know a lot of men who are just wimpy, and not wimpy like running from bar fights, but just no serious backbone, no dedication to the country, the world, making a better life for themselves and families. No, the more modern man seems focused more on themselves. Now, here is the tricky part, because I do not think that the generation from World War 2 actually sat down and plotted how to be considered the greatest generation, no I believe they just did what was expected.
Expectations are a funny thing. I was talking to a co-worker about this yesterday and she said how strange it would be to have a single job with a single company for 30 years. Strange because we all figure we can shop our services around and go to the company that suits our fancy. When that company does not work out, we move on. She said she expected to have about 20 jobs in the next 30 years, and looking back over my life, that seems about right.
It is not the job stability that is different. There is a fundamental attitude in modern man/woman. First, our generation, those from the Greatest Generation, are way more selfish and expect more perks just because we are, I am not sure, Americans, educated, spoiled?
I listen to these older men, talking about their lives, and in some ways they are kind of boring. Spending 30 years working in a factory, never moving past a fairly menial position, just does not seem like a life well lived to me. Here is the twist, so much of this was done to dedicate one life to make the lives of their children better. Imagine that, looking back at your working life and seeing that you may not have made the money you would have liked, or the vacations you wanted, or fill in the blank. What you do get to see is how better your childrens life is in the long run. Dedicating your life for the betterment of your childrens life? That is also seemingly unheard of in many of my compatriots.
That to me is the difference. The greatest generation came home and went to work. My generation and those around mine, are spoiled, selfish and unfocused, but mostly we did not grow up, we did not dedicate our lives to anything more important that ourselves. Our focus on our needs, our wants and our own future may have seemed smart for a while, but looking at the people who really paved the way for our economy and our country, I am left feeling like many of us have wasted out lives. Ironic, because when I hear about people spending 30-40 years toiling at jobs that seem boring, I thought they had wasted their lives.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
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