Matt-
I lost my job almost 16 months ago. Unemployment is due to completely run out in one month. I send resumes out all the time, every single day. There is not a job I am not applying for. I live in a middle sized city and there are advertisements, but not a single response. When I run out of money, I will not be able to afford to live in my apartment. I have no clue what to do.
Advice?
Mary (not real name)
Mary (not real name) which is beginning to sound sort of Native American to me. Mary Not Her Real Name meet Bill Dancing in his Underwear.
Many years ago I got a haircut on Capital Hill in Seattle. It really is a hill, although in other parts of the country is could certainly pass as a mountain, but with Mount Rainier looming over the skyline, it would be audacious to call it Capital Mountain, so Hill it remains.
At the time I lived in a loft in Pioneer Square. I rode my bike up Capital Hill and walked into a barber shop so a heroin addict tattoo maven could mess with my scalp. At the end of the session I just had it all buzzed off, because my new friend the tattooed heroin addict was not the best of barbers. I grabbed my bike and rode down the hill, and when I made the left onto Bellevue Way, I front tired folded into itself and then I was flipped off the bike, into the intersection, where I landed with what I would imagine was a loud thump.
I have no memory of exactly how I landed. I remember waking up, laying in the intersection, looking up at the traffic light above me. As I focused I realized where I was. A nice man in a Mercedes sports car stopped, opened his door and was walking toward me. I turned my neck and could see his faded running shoes approaching. The speaker in his open door was blaring Bob Seger singing "still the same." I laid there listening.
The man from the Mercedes knelt down, got all up in my grill and asked if I was OK. I said something and he grabbed me under my arms and dragged me out of the road. He asked me again if I was OK, and I told him I could barely hear Bob Seger anymore. He smiled and got back in his car, closed the door and drove away. I sat on the curb, my damaged bike next to me (thanks to the nice man in the Mercedes) and I tried to figure out what had happened.
After some time, I staggered to a nearby bike shop, dropped off the damaged wreckage and they were nice enough to call me a cab. I got to my loft, called a friend and told him about the bike crash and then I believe I passed out. My friend showed up some time later, dragged me to his car and brought me to the hospital to get some treatment for a couple of oozing wounds and some broken ribs.
Now, Mary, what can you take away from that story? That we must always press forward? That even in unfortunate situations, nice people who we do not know can save our lives, or at least drag us from danger? That maybe asking people to help is the first step in getting it? I hate to sound like a Chinese proverb, but when you're at the end of your rope, it might be time to find a new rope.
One more thing, no, make that two more things. First, check your resume. If you have been sending it out for every job that ever gets posted in your medium sized city, from Wal-Mart greeter to executive vice president of marketing, and you still get no response, then there is something stinky inside your resume. That and even if you fail to find work in your medium sized city, it might be time to pack it in and go visit a friend and try another city for a while. And finally, in the words of one Robert Seger:
And you're still the same
I caught up with you yesterday
Moving game to game
No one standing in your way
Turning on the charm
Long enough to get you by
You're still the same
You still aim high
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Portland is shit
I had the most romantic weekend in Portland.
I almost moved there many years ago, instead ending up in Seattle.
Portland remains one of my favorite cities.
My youngest child wants to attend college in Portland.
In Portland, mail carriers poop wherever they want.
I almost moved there many years ago, instead ending up in Seattle.
Portland remains one of my favorite cities.
My youngest child wants to attend college in Portland.
In Portland, mail carriers poop wherever they want.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Good news
I just got a call from one of my lawyers and as I was listening to her whine on about this lawsuit or that settlement, I started to wonder if other people get calls like this and if so, do they too have a dog who serves as their free lawyer?
I get asked a lot of questions via email, the most popular seems to be, what the hell happened to you, meaning me.
I almost always throw some sort of ruse in the way and avoid answering. First, because, well it is kind of open ended. I mean, are they talking about the wheelchair or the facial scars? Part B- I never ask people such questions. Finally, I often ask people the exact same question, so I guess all is fair.
Now, excuse me.
I get asked a lot of questions via email, the most popular seems to be, what the hell happened to you, meaning me.
I almost always throw some sort of ruse in the way and avoid answering. First, because, well it is kind of open ended. I mean, are they talking about the wheelchair or the facial scars? Part B- I never ask people such questions. Finally, I often ask people the exact same question, so I guess all is fair.
Now, excuse me.
I is stupit
Lately I have been teaching my elderly daughter how to drive. She is not really elderly, yet, but she is much older than I was when it came time to learn how to handle an automobile.
I could not wait to drive. When I was 15 or so, I would volunteer to go get the mail, jump in my moms car and drive 25 feet or so to the mail box, get out, get the mail, back in the car and up the driveway.
My daughter on the other hand, has waited. She waited and practiced in New York, on farm roads where the only real threat was a deer, a dog or Amish. She tried her hand at driving, found it uncomfortable or something and gave up.
Now, however, she has purchased a sturdy car, has been demanding to drive from here to there and back again and even has plans to get her license and if the driving gods work their magic, she should get her license right about the time she is moving overseas to protect our country and eat fresh pasta.
Here is what I am learning as I drive in the passenger seat. We are the stupidest country in the history of stupid. First, driving is one of those social activities that we all do, and we take it for granted that the other drivers on the street know how to drive, will respect right of way and so on. But if you pay attention, your realize that the entire driving experience is built upon just how blindingly stupid everyone has become.
See, in a modern society where people can read and understand operating a 2500 pound vehicle, we should not need stop signs at ever corner. But in stupidland, we must have them at every corner, otherwise the stupids will plow through intersections like, well, like there was no reason to stop. See, the stupids rule.
The stupids are requiring so much signage and rules because they are so fucking stupid that they are not smart enough to be social animals with an understanding of how to deal with others in social situations. In a better world, we would come to an unmarked intersection, slow down, and seeing no pedestrians or other traffic, we would slink right through. Instead, of course, we have lights and signs and police, plenty of police, always at the ready to write stupid tickets to stupid people who will pay the fine, albeit with a sense if stupid indignation.
Stupid people rule this country. Stupid republicans would vote for another stupid republican even if it was Hitler running, just because he was republican. Don't think democrats are smarter, because the vast majority will vote democrat even if my lesbian lawyer dog Beth Libitard Esq was on the ballot. Stupids vote, that's why so many stupids get elected.
Sure, there are smart people in this country, but not many and the ones who are smart are probably smart in one thing, like say, knowing what the answer is when someone asks what 5 times 3 is. Or something smart like that. I had a smart friend once, but he could not drive. Go figure.
Here's the problem as I see it. At some point we decided that we really believed that line that "all men are created equal." See, if you think about it, we really all are CREATED equal, that is, a man and woman did the hetro nasty and created a baby, and for the vast amount of history, that is how babies were created, all pretty much in the same fashion. Once the whole creating a baby part is done, then we are no longer equal. Some people had a mother who, for 9 months, did nothing but drink copious amounts of alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Is that baby as equal to the granola chewing hippy woman, who would not even drink coffee while pregnant? Or the pregnant woman who continues to go to yoga and stay fit and strong, while the obese woman who got pregnant I don't know how, and continues to eat processed garbage and plop out an obese child at some point. Are those all equal?
No, they are not. Created equally, but after that is is education, diet, exercise, genetics and environment that really make people stupid, smart and all sorts of other fun things. So, our government, in the infinite wisdom of idiocy, has lowered all the levels of society to the stupidest. Driving is certainly the prime example. In a better world, drivers would be cautious and courteous. Instead, we have to make laws on every aspect because stupid people are unable to be cautious, courteous or even friendly. So, it become illegal to throw cigarettes out a window. Seems to make sense, except stupid people still do it, so they sometimes get a ticket.
It's a vicious cycle.
As a passenger I was trying to explain why there are stop signs at damn close to every intersection in our neighborhood. As a driver I just drive and pay little attention to such things, but you really do notice how the government has had to step in at every juncture to demand stupid people pay attention. They tell us how fast we can drive, where we can park, when we should slow, stop or yield. Really, I am old enough to know these things and the vast majority of drivers know them too, but again, we are not talking about vast majorities, we are talking about training the stupids to be responsible.
See, all those kids born of the drinking/drugging parents? They will never have the ability to think for themselves, thank you Jack Daniels and Phillip Morris. They will always need rules and regulations, because stupids are just incapable of responsibility. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the stupids as much as anyone, heck until a few months ago, I dated one, but the problem with stupids is that they demand so much attention. If the stupids just grazed in fields all day, staying to themselves and not bothering anyone, no one would care. Instead, they drive among us, probably uninsured and almost certainly listening to loud music or Rush Limbaugh, brainlessly breezing through life without a care in the world, an open beer in the front seat and a smoldering meth lab in the trunk.
We are here at this point in history, nothing we can do about it.
I could not wait to drive. When I was 15 or so, I would volunteer to go get the mail, jump in my moms car and drive 25 feet or so to the mail box, get out, get the mail, back in the car and up the driveway.
My daughter on the other hand, has waited. She waited and practiced in New York, on farm roads where the only real threat was a deer, a dog or Amish. She tried her hand at driving, found it uncomfortable or something and gave up.
Now, however, she has purchased a sturdy car, has been demanding to drive from here to there and back again and even has plans to get her license and if the driving gods work their magic, she should get her license right about the time she is moving overseas to protect our country and eat fresh pasta.
Here is what I am learning as I drive in the passenger seat. We are the stupidest country in the history of stupid. First, driving is one of those social activities that we all do, and we take it for granted that the other drivers on the street know how to drive, will respect right of way and so on. But if you pay attention, your realize that the entire driving experience is built upon just how blindingly stupid everyone has become.
See, in a modern society where people can read and understand operating a 2500 pound vehicle, we should not need stop signs at ever corner. But in stupidland, we must have them at every corner, otherwise the stupids will plow through intersections like, well, like there was no reason to stop. See, the stupids rule.
The stupids are requiring so much signage and rules because they are so fucking stupid that they are not smart enough to be social animals with an understanding of how to deal with others in social situations. In a better world, we would come to an unmarked intersection, slow down, and seeing no pedestrians or other traffic, we would slink right through. Instead, of course, we have lights and signs and police, plenty of police, always at the ready to write stupid tickets to stupid people who will pay the fine, albeit with a sense if stupid indignation.
Stupid people rule this country. Stupid republicans would vote for another stupid republican even if it was Hitler running, just because he was republican. Don't think democrats are smarter, because the vast majority will vote democrat even if my lesbian lawyer dog Beth Libitard Esq was on the ballot. Stupids vote, that's why so many stupids get elected.
Sure, there are smart people in this country, but not many and the ones who are smart are probably smart in one thing, like say, knowing what the answer is when someone asks what 5 times 3 is. Or something smart like that. I had a smart friend once, but he could not drive. Go figure.
Here's the problem as I see it. At some point we decided that we really believed that line that "all men are created equal." See, if you think about it, we really all are CREATED equal, that is, a man and woman did the hetro nasty and created a baby, and for the vast amount of history, that is how babies were created, all pretty much in the same fashion. Once the whole creating a baby part is done, then we are no longer equal. Some people had a mother who, for 9 months, did nothing but drink copious amounts of alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Is that baby as equal to the granola chewing hippy woman, who would not even drink coffee while pregnant? Or the pregnant woman who continues to go to yoga and stay fit and strong, while the obese woman who got pregnant I don't know how, and continues to eat processed garbage and plop out an obese child at some point. Are those all equal?
No, they are not. Created equally, but after that is is education, diet, exercise, genetics and environment that really make people stupid, smart and all sorts of other fun things. So, our government, in the infinite wisdom of idiocy, has lowered all the levels of society to the stupidest. Driving is certainly the prime example. In a better world, drivers would be cautious and courteous. Instead, we have to make laws on every aspect because stupid people are unable to be cautious, courteous or even friendly. So, it become illegal to throw cigarettes out a window. Seems to make sense, except stupid people still do it, so they sometimes get a ticket.
It's a vicious cycle.
As a passenger I was trying to explain why there are stop signs at damn close to every intersection in our neighborhood. As a driver I just drive and pay little attention to such things, but you really do notice how the government has had to step in at every juncture to demand stupid people pay attention. They tell us how fast we can drive, where we can park, when we should slow, stop or yield. Really, I am old enough to know these things and the vast majority of drivers know them too, but again, we are not talking about vast majorities, we are talking about training the stupids to be responsible.
See, all those kids born of the drinking/drugging parents? They will never have the ability to think for themselves, thank you Jack Daniels and Phillip Morris. They will always need rules and regulations, because stupids are just incapable of responsibility. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the stupids as much as anyone, heck until a few months ago, I dated one, but the problem with stupids is that they demand so much attention. If the stupids just grazed in fields all day, staying to themselves and not bothering anyone, no one would care. Instead, they drive among us, probably uninsured and almost certainly listening to loud music or Rush Limbaugh, brainlessly breezing through life without a care in the world, an open beer in the front seat and a smoldering meth lab in the trunk.
We are here at this point in history, nothing we can do about it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Birthday wish
Got this via email:
Subject: birthday
I am tapping with sticks
on a plastic spackle bucket
humming your name
and wishing for you
a bird in a tree
a dream of music from outer space
a feeling of love
and nothing to prove
for your birthday
xxx
RW
Subject: birthday
I am tapping with sticks
on a plastic spackle bucket
humming your name
and wishing for you
a bird in a tree
a dream of music from outer space
a feeling of love
and nothing to prove
for your birthday
xxx
RW
From the comments
I had some comments read to me yesterday while I ate a very bad Mexican food type lunch.
I have only had to edit comments once or twice and I keep hearing from readers that they do not want them edited, so I don't. All I would suggest is that you keep it as clean as possible, because you and I do not know who reads this blog and it could be younger people who do not need to read dick jokes and naughty naughty words.
If you must use naughty naughty words, send those directly to me.
I have only had to edit comments once or twice and I keep hearing from readers that they do not want them edited, so I don't. All I would suggest is that you keep it as clean as possible, because you and I do not know who reads this blog and it could be younger people who do not need to read dick jokes and naughty naughty words.
If you must use naughty naughty words, send those directly to me.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
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