For the first time in two decades I do not have any of my two dozen or so children around for Halloween this year to torment or disown or do whatever I usually do for Halloween so I guess I will just practice on strangers tonight when I answer the door.
"Hello slightly overweight child, you do realize that eating another piece of candy will almost certainly push you right into diabetic overload, right?"
"Good day Zombie girl, what a cute costume, did you say trick or treat? Well, for you I have quite the treat. You get my cat. His name is Raltraz and he has a bladder infection. Good day. I said Good Day young lady, now leave."
"Oh hello small child. Here is some candy. Your costume makes you look like a doctor, can you tell me what these bumps mean?"
"Trick or treat? What in the hell does that mean anyway?"
"Candy? I'm all out of candy, but you have a bag of candy right there hanging off your arm and I'll damn well take what I want."
"No, I am not wearing a costume, what sort of terrible parent do you have that would teach you to talk like that?"
"Wait a second, I gave you that cat, you can't give me my own cat back, that's not how Halloween works."
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