More hate for Al Gore

Like most people I have been hating Al Gore for many years and this winter, I have a new level of hatred brewing.

First things first, I started hating Gore a long time ago. He was vice president, he was smart and sometimes funny. He seemed like a nice guy who honestly liked his life. He was raised in Washington DC, private schools, drivers, special social occasions and on and on. A nice life, he served in the Army, which is impossible to find from the same sort of upbringing in a Republican household. All in all, a perfect person to run for president.

Then he ran in 2000 after spending 8 years serving with an impossibly successful Southern Democrat and well known womanizer. Gore seemed like a shoe in, he was running against a semi-retarded imbecile and no one expected the election to be close. It was this assumption that allowed the stoner hippies to ruin everything. See, Gore took the stoner hippie vote for granted.

One night, pre-election, I was at an artist friends house in Seattle. The wine and marijuana was flowing freely and at some point I was trying to escape by sneaking out the front door and making my way to my bike, but instead I got caught up in a political debate with a stoned hippy. He was arguing that the only logical vote was for Ralph Nader, himself something of a stoned hippy.

I argued that any vote not for Gore would be wasted and could possibly throw the election for the idiot from Texas. A month or so later, after a haphazardly recounted election in Florida, Gore was out and my new hatred for his incompetent electioneering and his sense of entitlement was just begin to fester. It grew over the years, but this winter, do you hear me Al? This winter, I am pissed.

See, last year we purchased an older house in a sketchy neighborhood in Pittsburgh. Everyone warned us, it gets cold and we should be prepared. So, instead of doing a lot of updating and fancy rehab stuff, we invested in a great new furnace. See, when we moved in, there was an ancient furnace and when the gas man came to inspect the house he warned me that the furnace would cost me thousands of dollars a month to heat this old house. I was worried, thousands for hear it a lot of money. So, we purchased a new furnace and had it installed by an angry alcoholic with thick fingers and the smell of cigarettes and rejection all over him.

Then winter came. Light snow, some cold days, but mostly days like today, sunny, spring like and comfortable. I am not sure the furnace even was used today. This is mid-January for gods sake.

Al Gore, I blame you.

Like so many other dimwits, I believed you. Global warming this, the end of times that, rapture next Tuesday. You said it, I bought it, lock, stock and furnace. I could be gliding around on expensive imported tile floors and cooking exotic meals in a kitchen designed by a gay Italian homosexual. Instead, I am pleasantly warm, and pissed.

Al Gore, you screwed me up in 2000, and like the vast majority of the worlds inhabitants, I suffered through 8 years of cartoon politics and still, part of me believed you and even more, most of me believed the drunken, chain smoking heating installer. Now, to heat this leaky old house costs me about seven dollars a month and my pride, since the tile and gay kitchen are nothing but a badly written article in Rehab Monthly.

Thanks again Al.