Dancing with an appliance

I found myself alone last night and in the mood for a sexy dance. What is one to do? I asked my lesbian lawyer, but she and her “partner” and let me stop right here and say how much I hate the word partner. I have never had a partner in my life.

Let me trace back on the various romantic interests I have had in my life. I have had wonderful lovers, I have had a person or two of interest, I have had a stalker who started out fun and ended up scary, I have had sexual encounters that should have remained that but grew into something more complicated, but certainly not a partner, I had a marriage, but that was not a partner, I even had a complicated relationship with a stick for a while, but we were not partners, we were recreational abstractions.

Partners? You know who has partners? Lesbians. That’s right I said it and my lesbian attorney can sue me if she wants, but I am sick and tired of lesbian attorneys stealing words that “normal” people need to use in regular normal people conversation. Partner? I wonder if my lesbian attorney continues to excel at the law firm Feinberg, Wienstein, Feinstein and Shmerg and they ask her to join their esteemed ranks, will she become, what a lover? A buddy? No, she will be a Partner. Dammit, lesbians unite and stop stealing words that are necessary in the business world.

I was in need of a serious dance last night and me, being without my partner, dammit, my fiancé – me being alone, I had to search high and low for a dance partner. Eureka I said when I saw my 100 year old Eureka Vacuum cleaner sitting, dusty in the corner of the empty living room, because god knows, not a single one of my numerous children would recognize it, nor would they know how to engage it in any of its variety of uses. Not my children. Sadly, neither would I, which is why our floors look a little like a rough and abused area of Homs Syria right about now.

That said, the Eureka moment did lead to a very nice dance. The vacuum was nice enough to let me lead and lead I did. The video was shot by my lesbian lawyer, so don’t expect much, but suffice to say, it should never be shown in public.

When a dance in required, a person should dance though. Dance is important to a well rounded life. Unlike, say, bitter lesbian lawyers.