Monday, August 17, 2009

Bike to wherever

The article linked above is all about what it would take to get Americans to bike to work. For about ten years now I have been biking a lot of places, although to be honest, since a little tiny accident in 2005 I spend less time on the road biking and more time in my studio biking, more later.

I'll answer the question though. 20 dollars. It will take 20 dollars to get Americans to bike to work. That and hovering bikes that fly on command.

First, 20 dollars is the magic figure for a gallon of gas where the world will change dramatically and forever. Until then, people will continue to justify everything. "Oh, I just have to drive to the corner grocery store, just in case they have a sale on toilet paper."

We are a super power in name only. The world is falling apart, the world economy is leading the way, and while the world dies, we eat. Americans are the fattest country in the history of the world. Now, think about that for just a second. We are fat, fat unlike any other culture in the history of the world. You may think, like I did, that there just had to be some fat culture somewhere in history, even if you are stupid enough to believe we have only inhabited this marble for 5000 years. Surely the Incas or someone loved the porcine. Right? Maybe, but not the the vast numbers we have managed to put together. Maybe the Incas lusted after one fatty and all the other people were jealous, after all, for many centuries it took a shitload of money to get fat.

Now it takes the dollar menu at Burger King.

Fat is everywhere. You can not throw your empty 40 ounce bottle of Coke classic without hitting an obese human. How did this happen? I would like to blame television, well, Fox News is probably partially responsible, mostly because the people who watch Fox News have lost touch with reality, so eating ten pizzas in one sitting seems like normal behavior after a while.

What really brought about this fat epidemic? There is a lot of conjecture, and I am more than willing to conject. First off, parents are fat. I see many many fat parents, waddling around playgrounds and sitting poolside, slurping iced mochas and the like. The tons of blubbery humans at a recent picnic area I found myself in was disgusting on a variety of levels.

I come from a fat family. My dad loved his beer, possibly more than his children, but why complain? He had the classic beer gut, and he seemed almost proud of it. Men can not get pregnant, but I think many like the look. Mens egos are often so off kilter, they actually think that having some huge gut adds to their attraction. I am sure, just judging by the number of huge couples I see, that someone is finding the whales attractive, maybe its their lovely personalities, who knows.

Strange thing, most of my friends are not fat. In fact, now that I think about it, none are. Here is another interesting fact, almost all ride bikes, some more competitively than others. Ten years ago, when I was going through a rather fun and sexy divorce, I started riding, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is my understanding of the complexities of the dating world. So I rode and rode hard. I rode almost every day. Sometimes I would ride over 100 miles a day. After a few years of this, I was buff and in great shape. Sure, I crashed a couple of times, but nothing too serious and I would never miss more than a few days with injuries.

Biking changed my life. It is one of those touchstones that one finds when they look back on their life. You can see the marriages and the birth of children, jobs lost and found, affairs found and lost, books read and forgotten and through it all, we find the places in our past that actually meant something. Bike has meant something to me, almost every time I have been on a cycle. Imagine that, what else can one say that means something every time you do it? I would like to say making love to a lover, but to be honest, that has not always been the case.

No, biking was that self powered form of transportation that not only got me from point A to point B, but also made me happy and healthy. The same could never be said for a car, no matter how far the top goes down or the speed you can attain. I have been addicted to a few things in my life and nothing compares to the high you get from a long ride. Nothing.

So, again, when will Americans leave their cars and begin riding bikes to work, to shop, to live? 20 dollars a gallon may force it. I would like to think that given the chance many people would remember the freedom a bike gave them as a child. Often a bike is our first real taste of parentless independence. Maybe that would get some of these hefty people to leave behind the comfort of air conditioning and ride for a few hours.

See, I was once one of the fatties, fast on my way to diabetes, heart disease and insulating myself with an extra 30 pounds or so. I am not a psychiatrist nor to I prescribe to much of their pablum, but this much I think I understand, if you ask a fat person why they have gained so much weight, you will often hear a story of love gone wrong, betrayal on a variety of levels or just plain self hatred.

A good long bike ride would be the start of turning all that around.

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