The email stream

I get emails from people who refuse to post on the comments section. Emails galore. Here are some of them, with proper responses.

"Hi, I read some of your posts and I think you suck..."

Keep it in the comments stupid fuck.

"I am writing about what you said about transvestites. I can understand that you might THINK people who are different than you might be unwanted in an elevator, but to post it in a public blog? Classless..."

Try the comments, and some more makeup.

"Thank you for your recent submission..."

Enough said.

"I have not read all of your posts, but it seems to me you may be running out of steam, are you planning to continue? Do you take posts from other people? How would one go about writing for your blog?"

Move on.

"My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5+ years, and when we started to date, she was into everything and I will let you imagine what I mean by everything, but trust me, we were into it. After a year or so we seemed to kind of get into a regular thing, losing some of the more exotic stuff and finding a pattern that fit us well. I would say we were having sex 5-7 times a week, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. After year 3 a little less became the norm and after 5 years, we are down to about once a week, if that. We both work, have social lives, and both of us have enough stress to make the once a week venture more chore than sexual release. Can you offer any advice that would help us reconnect?"

I will need video to really help you out, send it to the same address.

"The price of gas has increased since Obama was elected. Unemployment is double digits. Wars continue, as does the American torture program. Taxes are about to increase for everyone, health care reform is not working, the rich get richer, the poor have less. When I voted for change, I thought it would be change for the better, but what we have is a darker shade of Bush. Are you proud to have supported this intellectual idiot?"

Darker shade of Bush, I will need video.

"I went to YouTube and saw some of the videos you claim to have done. A couple seemed really good..."

I never claimed anything.

"Have you ever wondered why you get email instead of comments?"

I get both, I delete comments often, just because. Email, I respond to privately, until I am tired, then I post them with pithy replies.

"We used to go out, many years ago, in Los Angeles. For a while we shared a house on Lookout Mountain. One night I came home drunk and we had a fist fight, the next day you drove away and disappeared. I think about you sometimes and read your blog and...."

I will continue to think stalking is sexy, until someone cuts me up with a chainsaw.

"Thank you."

You're welcome.