Gay fish

We have one of those fish that eats other fish, I am not sure what the official name is, I believe it is something like Chewbacha, but I may be wrong. I get confused a lot lately because I accidentally watched a Tom Cruise movie recently and now I want to kill myself.

The point being, this Chewbacha fish is a natural killer and for years we have motored up to our local pet store and purchased ten to fifteen perfectly healthy goldfish and one by one we would offer it up to the Chewbacha fish in a morning ritual that was both sadistic and entertaining. The ever growing Chewbacha fish would pretend to not be interested at first, for about a second, allowing the neurotic and distant goldfish to at once realize it was in a much larger home and also a pretty nice place and then, without warning or provocation, it would be eaten.

Just like that.

This went on daily for the better part of 3 years. The Chewbacha fish, again, I am not clear on that being its official, you know, biological name, has grown from fairly meaningless kind of small awkward killer, to a more sublime, rather larger and dominating presence in my daughters bedroom. Of course, this would be the daughter who has moved thousands of miles away for fear of her very life from the now completely threatening Chewbacha fish, leaving me, a self proclaimed sissy to feed and care for this grumpy bully.

Which has made the giant Chewbacha fishes recent change all the more dramatic. In the last month or so, I have introduced not one and not 10, but maybe 7 medium sized gold fish into the deadly Chewbacha fish’s aquarium. He has befriended most of them, one committed suicide once it realized it was in an aquarium with a giant gold fish eating Chewbacha fish and another seemed to die from either early onset Alzheimers or just plain stupidity because he drowned.

Anyway, the dreaded Chewbacha fish is now shockingly an avowed vegetarian. I know, who would have seen that coming, right?

So, here is my dilemma. I have never really much enjoyed the Giant and deadly exploits of the Chewbacha fish, although watching it slither up behind a completely compliant goldfish, open its wildly flexible mouth and engulf it in one quick gulp is always fun, since the Chewbacha has stopped doing that, he is boring. Although, to be honest, he is not half as boring as the goldfish. I don’t want to insult anyone, but goldfish are gay. There, I said it.

So, if the giant Chewbacha does not soon leave vegetarianism behind and go one some sort of cannibalistic rampage, or the idiotic gay goldfish can’t find it amongst themselves to put together a plan to both capture, kill and eat the giant Chewbacha fish in a very entertaining manner, I am going to have to find a way to get rid of all of these fish myself.

I guess that’s my true dilemma. Then again, Sushi is not a complicated meal.