The final auto

Yesterday I accidentally purchased the last car I would ever buy. Maybe I wrote that wrong, and since I am incredibly lazy and writing this on this website as opposed to some sort of writing program that easily allows editing, I will just leave it as it is.

Of course over the last year or so the Fiat company seems to have tried to kill me numerous times, but like some sort of super hero, I have survived, often writing about my experience in bitter and hilarious ways, somewhere on this blog, but again, I am too lazy to provide links. If you want to find them, you will have to go in search.

Instead of holding a grudge, like a real man, I pussied out and fell madly in love with the Fiat 500. Now some therapists, at least five of mine, have said it is not healthy to fall in love with inanimate objects. The vast majority of therapists worldwide are married to inflatable Antonio Banderas love dolls, (that’s a fact) so really, who are they to judge?

Anyway, yesterday I found myself magically in a Fiat dealership and I asked if I could trade in the car I disliked for the one I kind of loved. We went for a test drive and somehow we ended up in a large empty church parking lot and the salesman said to me, as I sat behind the steering wheel, the engine quietly idling, “go ahead, give it a little track test.” So I pounded my foot the the floor and opened up the gas and we were frolicking around the church parking lot, doing figure eights at 40 miles per hour, I was doing sharp turns, trying my best to get the little car up on two wheels, but as I gassed it into a sharp turn, the sporty Fiat would just dig in and motor into it, hugging the curve, grabbing the pavement, no slide, no lift and accelerating out of the turn with a lot more power than you would imagine. The salesman was a little breathless and said I should take it easy and I reminded him that this was my test drive and we did a few more maneuvers.

We ended up back at the dealership, where the nice finance guy offered me more than my beaten down and incredibly dirty car was worth and a monthly payment that was much less than I have been paying for the beaten down and dirty car that I never really liked. Deal – done.

Today my daughter and I had a lot of errands to run and that’s what we did, with her driving and me doing a lot of radio manipulation. This Fiat, baring any accidents or other unexpected mishaps, will be the last car I ever buy.