A perfect example

Everyone keeps talking about jobs. There are no jobs, people can not find work, all the good jobs have been shipped overseas. I have heard it all before. If you ask me, and my experience is limited, the issue is not jobs, it's the idiots who apply for jobs.

See, earlier this week I began a search for a second camera operator for a film I will be shooting in Los Angeles next week. I had literally tons of responses. Having done this sort of thing many times before, I made it clear in my ad what the pay would be, what the hours would be and what the expectations would be. I also required that any serious candidate must attach an updated resume and a phone number where they could be reached today, as today would be the day I spent finding the person to fill the job.

Sounds simple enough.

Since I have done this before, the most important thing is to add requirements like attaching a resume, because the people who can not follow that simple direction will not work out no matter how many skills, cameras and years of professional experiences they have. So I can eliminate roughly 50 percent of all applicants via the lack of a resume. Another 20 percent had no way to contact them other than return email, they too would not be considered. A few more were either in college or art school and had little or no experience. This is not a training position, I have tried that before and met some fine people, but not a single one of them worked out, so lesson learned.

After dumping roughly 75 percent of the applicants right off the bat, I still had about 30 resumes I would have to go through, which is more than I was comfortable with, so I had to come up with another way to get rid of some of these people. Grammar and typos always seem like a good way to judge people, because quite honestly, a resume is their way of introducing themselves to a possible employer and if they can not take the time to spell check and read over their own resume, they should not expect me to do it for them. I lost another 10 resumes by being a spelling Nazi.

I printed out the rest, read through all of them yesterday and into the night, making notes on the resumes and highlighting the parts that I thought would be interesting or something to bring up during our phone interviews. Because I am on the East Coast and the job is in Los Angeles, I had to wait until noon to begin calling. Here are some examples of how those calls went, and for those of you who are always bitching about a lack of work, buy a mirror.

"Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"Who this?"

"Did you just say, who this?"

"Yeah, who this?"

"You serious?"

"You Hector?"

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"Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"I apply for a lot of jobs, can you tell me which one this is?"

"I need a camera operator for a documentary film I am shooting in Venice?"

"In Italy?"

"Don't you live in Los Angeles?"

"Yeah."

"Is there a Venice near Los Angeles?"

"Yeah."

"Doesn't it make sense that someone would hire a person to work in Venice, and it would be the Venice near Los Angeles."

"You a smart ass?"

"You a dumb ass?"

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"Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"Hey, thanks for getting back at me."

"Well, I am looking at your resume. You have a lot of work on a lot of films."

"Mostly as a PA, so I know how to get coffee."

"But you know how to work a digital video camera?"

"What type?"

"Digital video."

"Like, who makes it?"

"The camera?"

"Yeah."

"I probably won't know until Monday. I am renting the second camera."

"Well, I probably wouldn't know if I am familiar with the camera until you know what type it is."

"Point made. Are you available all day Monday?"

"No, I work Monday."

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"Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"Hola."

"Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"Si."

""Hi, I got your resume when you applied for the second camera position for a film I am shooting next week."

"Marta, The car es een tha garage."

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If you will excuse me, I have at least 15 more phone calls to make. I also just placed the ad in the Pashwar Craigslist, mostly because I am seriously doubting I will find an American who is qualified, interested and available for work next week. Strange times.