Republicans ruin my morning

Oh my, never wake up hung over and turn on your TV hoping for infomercials and preachers with sexy hair and instead find a bunch of Republican presidential candidates.
First, Rick Perry, when not stoned makes a lot of sense. He should only do early morning debates. That should become his new campaign plan. If I ran the Perry campaign, and believe me, I was asked if I would be willing to run the Perry campaign and I said no I am shopping for shoes online at Zappos (paid plug), but if I was stupid enough to take the cash offered from PerryCorp, I would say, only do morning debates, because once Perry starts drinking and doing bong hits, right around 11AM, he loses all his ability to make sense.
Ricky Santorum is funny, I like him, he is adorable and he wears nice suits. If elected president, he would make a handsome 2 dollar bill.
My mother called last night directly from Purgatory and said that she likes Ron Paul and I said, first, how was she able to call from Purgatory and she said they are allowed two calls, and she wanted to hear my voice. So we chatted a bit, I told her the bad news, that my dog was recently attacked by a great white shark, and she was shocked, as was I. She then went on to endorse Ron Paul for president because, and this is a scoop, Ron Paul is dead. I did not know that. My mother has been dead for about 7 years now, so she knows what she speaks.
As a registered Republican I liked on Huntsman and I do plan to support him for president in 2016.
Naughty Newt Gingrich is still debating, but my TV is one of those smart televisions and whenever he spoke, it muted, so I have no clue what he said.
For the life of me, Robot Mitt Romney should bow out now. First, I do believe he will win the nomination, only because he is running against flawed and hopeless idiots and criminals. That said, he will be beaten like a dead horse by the current pretty president who speaks well and looks good in a nice suit.
This country is at a crossroads and having been at a crossroads myself recently, I think I can speak for all Americans who find themselves at a crossroads, it is a very confusing place. A crossroads has all sorts of options, you can go right, or left, you can go straight, or turn around, you can go up or down, you could even go sideways, or this way, or that way, or even, if desperate, you could sit on your hands (like I did) and cry like a baby (which I did).
This country is at a crossroads, my sincere hope is that we as a country do as what Ronald Reagan suggested when people come to a crossroads,"tear down that wall."