Getting the business

I got the most interesting email a couple of days ago. Basically it asked if I owned a business and did I work with, lets call this person Moma Kitty.

They asked some questions about background and such, like "was Moma Kitty a good employee? Can Moma Kitty be trusted? Would you hire Moma Kitty again?"

At first I could not stop laughing. See, Moma Kitty is super fun to be around, and very sweet and personable. Moma Kitty also has problems that I find kind of cute, like eating money and being irresponsible when it comes to birth control.

So, how to answer an email about Moma Kitty. You know when you are trying to say something that you think is obvious, but you want to make sure people who might not think it is obvious will still get it? I was in that position. There was a phone number attached to the email. So I called it.

"We are just trying to get an understanding about Moma Kitty, and while you were not named on Moma Kitties resume, we found your name during a Google search."

"What would you like to know?"

"Well, did you and Moma Kitty work together?"

"Yes."

"How did that go?"

"Well, have you met Moma Kitty?"

"We are reviewing her background, she has applied for a job with us."

"What have you found?"

"We find that there are gaps in Moma Kitties resume that need some answers."

"I wonder if Moma Kitty was in jail or something, that would explain those gaps in her resume."

"Are you saying Moma Kitty was in jail?"

"Not at all, I am just saying, sometimes, when there are gaps in a resume, that person was in jail, for theft, or bank fraud, or maybe just because they got swept up at a brothel."

"I'm confused, did Moma Kitty serve jail time?"

"Not yet, well, let me be clear, not that I am aware of."

"I see. So, back to the initial question, did you work with Moma Kitty?"

"I did."

"Given the opportunity to work with Moma Kitty again, and knowing what you may know now about Moma Kitty..."

"You mean the prison time?"

"You said you were unaware if Moma Kitty had served in prison."

"That much is true, yes."

"Still confused, to the best of your knowledge, has Moma Kitty been convicted of a crime?"

"Convicted? That is a good question."

"I see. So, know what you presume to know about Moma Kitty, would you work with her again?"

"I guess that depends, would this be factory work, like standing side by side for long periods of time, doing repetitive work and chatting and being forced, basically, to listen to Moma Kitties lies?"

"I'm going to interrupt here, are you saying Moma Kitty is not truthful?"

"No, I was trying to define the sort of job I could imagine myself doing with Moma Kitty."

"Let's just say it was an office job."

"OK."

"Well, would you work with Moma Kitty in an office setting?"

"Depends I guess. Would she be in charge? Would she be in a position to sexually harass me?"

"Does Moma Kitty have a history of sexual harassment?"

"Define harassment, cause I know the meaning of sexual."

"I think we can both agree that harassment in the workplace is a no no."

"Well, then, I would not work with Moma Kitty in an office is she was either in a position of power, or had access to the company financial accounts."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I will not go into details, except to say that Moma Kitty, in my experience, has a history of bad investments."

"I'm lost here. Would you hire Moma Kitty if you had a job opening?"

"Never."

"Never? That's pretty strong."

"It is."

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"Let me just say this about Moma Kitty. She is super sexy, and smart, and likes other kitties."

"I'm lost. Are we talking about Moma Kitty?"

"Yes, I thought we were talking about Moma Kitty."

"Well, look, I am just trying to find out why there are 3-4 years of mystery in Moma Kitties resume and on a Google search I find she and you linked."

"Yes, truth be told, Moma Kitty and I were linked."

"And?"

"And I think I am going to end this phone call, right here, right now."