I just wanted to write and let you know I forgive you. I know you want to be a Supreme Court justice. Heck, I want to become a Supreme Court justice myself and to be honest, I was a bit shocked that Vice Chancellor Obama did not select me as his choice. Mind you, I did lobby, but apparently I am not closeted enough, or whatever it is that he uses to make his choices.
Bottom line, you will be grilled by congress and I will be grilling burgers. Life goes on, or so the kids say.
I am writing you today to tell you up front that I forgive you. I expect you to get some serious questions thrown your way this week, some, will focus on your job as the head of Harvard, or whatever it was you did there. Some may be about your job at the White House under Bill Clinton. I'm sorry, did I say you worked in the White House under Bill Clinton? My lord, sloppy me. OK, you worked in the White House during the Clinton Administration.
Just to be honest, I would have worked under Bill Clinton.
Anyway, you are going to be asked a bunch of important questions by little men, men with issues. But you have to be nice, be sweet, deferential. And here is the important part, you have to lie your ass off. Honestly, I have no idea how you stand on issues from Abortion to campaign finance reform, and to be even more honest, I could care less. If you want this job, you will have to lie. When I say lie, I also mean you can not under any circumstance tell the truth.
Let's pretend for a second that you are all in favor of a woman's right to choose to end her pregnancy. OK, many people share this belief, but if a senator asks you a question about abortion, you must answer something to the effect that the supreme court has ruled on this and you refuse to comment on court rulings that you had no part in.
Brilliant.
Say you get asked about police brutality, now this is tricky and you have to dance on this one, and many others that deal with macho posturing, all the while appearing fair and balanced (oh for the record, use "fair and balanced as often as possible, it will be seen as secret code to the idiots who watch and believe Fox News). So, let's just pretend that you are asked about police beating protesters. First, ask the senator what sort of protest. This should illicit a laugh, and if the senator continues and says something about an international event that police use force to control protesters, say something like, "that would require a lot more information, what sort of protests, what sort of meeting, what sort of violence are the police trying to end..."
See what I am saying? I believe the word is obfuscate. Do not answer anything. Now, in the event that you have to answer something, feel free to lie. Feel free to say you would never vote on something, or you could never vote to change current law, or you would ever vote to change the scope of a law passed by congress. Laa dee dah, whatever, lie away honey, because here is the deal, you do whatever it takes to get to the court, then do whatever you want. Simple, right?
Go back and watch the recent supreme court nomination hearings before the senate. Liars all, my lord, those justices lied about everything. I did not know it until recently, but this started with Clarence Thomas, who lied about every single thing he testified to, from his views on women's rights to his actual name, which is not Clarence Thomas, but instead his birth name was Osteo Perulat, born to a prostitute and her over bearing pimp. Shocking, I know.
So go ahead, say whatever you want, because the bottom line is that everyone lies to the senate, and the best news, no one cares. No one will be watching the senate hearings, or fewer will watch than are currently watching the World Cup, which means, no one. The senators already know how they will vote, all the democrats will find you fabulous, even if you admit to being a serial killer, some republicans will be outraged and vote no, some republicans will bite their lip, say that while they disagree with some of the views you have, all in all, you seem like a nice lady. In the end, you will be on the court before the new term gets underway in October.
I just want you to know, I forgive you and I hope you and your long term partner have found a nice place in Washington to call home, after all, it's a lifetime appointment.
From the Associated Press:
"Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan pledged at her Senate confirmation hearing on Monday to show the "evenhandedness and impartiality" the Constitution demands if she is confirmed, and to offer proper deference to Congress and the laws it makes.
The court must ensure that "our government never oversteps its proper bounds or violates the rights of individuals," she said before a rapt Judiciary Committee and a nationwide television audience on the opening day of her hearing. "But the court must also recognize the limits on itself and respect the choices made by the American people."
The 50-year-old solicitor general and former Harvard Law School dean appeared on track for confirmation before the high court opens a new term in October as she delivered a brief statement at the end of a day of senatorial speechmaking.
Kagan stopped by the Oval Office of the White House to receive best wishes from President Barack Obama on her way to the hearing. A few moments and little more than a mile distant, she strode with a smile into the committee room and took her place at the witness table — where senatorial ritual then required her to sit for hours while lawmakers delivered prepared speeches from an elevated dais across the room.
Finally, at mid-afternoon, it was her turn. "I will listen hard, to every party before the court and to each of my colleagues. I will work hard. And I will do my best to consider every case impartially, modestly, with commitment to principle and in accordance with law," she said.
Kagan faces hours of questioning, both friendly and otherwise, when the panel meets on Tuesday, a grilling that she has spent hours preparing for under the tutelage of White House advisers."
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