Elevator friendships

Oh, look, a new series of posts. First, I believe I have apologized for not posting as much as I should, but I have been guest posting in another business blog and my fingers are sore, although that last bit of information is completely unrelated to my posts.

Yesterday I was in a large building with small elevators and a happy women entered about the same time as I did. Generally speaking, I do not converse on elevators because, really, what is there to talk about? "Oh, I see you are going to 32, I am going to 45, how about that?"

Anyway, I am constantly trying to better myself, so I decided that for the next year or so, I would try and engage people in conversation and then share the results with you.

So, there I was, heading to the 45th floor, going to visit one of my favorite receptionists of all time because about a year ago I told her I was actually George Clooney and she either pretended to believe me, or she actually did believe me, either way, it was good for both of us.

The elevator was moving quickly, and I wanted to engage this woman, whom I recognized as pregnant, because I have a sixth sense about this sort of thing, having impregnated upwards of 700 billion women in my short but productive life. So, once we were done with the breaking of ice, I said, "by the way, congrats on the baby."

So, lesson one when trying to engage in conversation with a strange in a small, quick moving enclosed space. Do not ever, and I mean, EVER, mention to a fat person that you think their fat is a pregnancy. In fact, maybe what I learned is do not engage a fat person in an elevator, but what I am sure I learned was, a woman in an elevator does not want a smart ass commenting on her recent weight gain, ever. Did I mention, ever? Good.

More simplistic conversations to come. Until then, keep in mind, when you tell a large woman that she appears pregnant, you may have about 20 floors remaining with the most distressing silence in the world facing you. That and an evil look over a shoulder as she waddles out at an earlier floor than you.