As some of you know, here at this blog, we have a strict no edit policy towards the comments. Which often means that the comments may have naughty words, or bad grammar or other intellectually insulting aspects to them that piss some of you off.
Oh well.
To be honest, I hardly ever read the comments, except when ordered to by my dear friend Becky from the heart of the wilderness. Sometimes she will email me and say "someone thinks your dog should run for president." A couple of times she has actually called, which is a lot of work for Becky from the Wilderness, because she has neither a conventional phone, nor a cell phone. She has one of those hippy solar generated phones, that only works at noon, on a sunny day and hardly ever allows for both speaking and listening. She will call and I will hear her faint voice, and she will say, "someone in the comments said you are a fat turd." Usually, her voice will fade, the line will go dead and if I do call back, I get a Grateful Dead song and a computer generated voice that says the voice mail box I am trying to reach has not been set up.
So, other than the comments being factually accurate on occasion, sometimes, especially lately, probably because of the heat of summer, people have been playing a new game called, Who Gets to be FIRST. Now, I have never played this game, but I am guessing the object of the game is to be the very first person on any sort of blog to post the first response. I know, I know, big deal, right? Still, I am getting frantic calls from Becky from the Wilderness, saying that there is a gaggle of nimrods (her words, not mine) trying to just be the first commentator, without so much as an actual comment.
This is what has become of this once great nation. And on this, the Fourth of July BoozeFest Weekend. I am, obviously, already drunk as possible, so I will avoid actually answering Becky from the Wilderness's trouble with First Responders, but I will say this, Max Gentleman has got to stop emailing me.
Lucky me I do not need "organic Cialis" - but Max Gentleman sends me these emails once a day, like clock work. Now, Max, I appreciate your interest in my wang, but as far as I am concerned, my body is my temple, or brothel, depends on the time of day, either way, your services are not needed, but again, the offer is sweet, but unnecessary.
Where was I?
Hah. First. Hey fuckwad, if you twitter and tell people to check this shit out,what the fuck do you expect? Quit crying and take it like a man, or have you already done that this morning? LOL. Fuck you.
ReplyDeleteFIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I make is as first?
ReplyDeleteFirst.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I hate the Twitter twats. Hell, at this point, I'm not even second. Just for the record, if you have nothing to say but "first" does that really count as a post?
ReplyDeleteNo such thing as "organic cialis". That is just spam mail, from Max Gentleman, silly.
ReplyDeleteOh, and stupid idea to call out the First Responders, look above.
Original post was uploaded at 9:10 AM. First comment, 9:31. Which means,had I been paying attention, I could have been the first comment.
ReplyDeleteInstead, I am something like 15.
You do not add new posts on a predictable basis. I just check this blog at work and read it religiously at lunch. How will I ever get to be the FIRST commentator? Damn you. Keep a schedule for your posts, otherwise, I can never beat the out of work, Twitter following herd of numb nuts and other assorted losers.
Previous, quit whining pussy. Follow on twitter. Whats so difficult? Why you think the world revolves around your boring schedule. I have an idea, shit on a plate and eat it for lunch.
ReplyDeleteFirst? Am I first? I wanna be first? Please let me first? See, my hand waving in the air? Pick me, I wanna be first.
ReplyDeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteIf the fat ass in charge of this blog did not want comments, he/she could close down the comments or moderate and delete. As it stands, it's all free speech. You don't like it, don't read it, or post a response. As for the FIRST people, they are everywhere, they are about 5 years old and have tiny dicks, Get over it complainers.
ReplyDeleteDude, the "fat ass in charge" is a man. Can you even read? This your first time on this thrill ride? Get a fucking grip.
ReplyDeleteRight on about posting Matt, let the kids post FIRST any time, it's all good. No one cares.
And even though the previous poster is obvious brain challenged, he/she is right, first posters all have micro penises.
Matt, please post a new post so I can be first. Really, about anything, the burial of your dead dog, your mom and you shooting up the CEO of barneys, anything will do. I am the only on in our office today, one screen on my desk is on your blog and updates on the minute. So, all you FIRST children out there, I will be number one. Right Matt? One post, hell even a sucky music video would work. Do this for me. It is hot and muggy here in Chicago and all I want to kick off a 3 day weekend is being numero uno on your blog. I know, I have no life.
ReplyDeleteQueer me.
ReplyDeleteI get spam mail for natural boner pills too, which is very strange, since I have a fully functional vagina.
ReplyDeleteHappy Fourth of July.
ReplyDeleteAnyway you can post something new before my lunch hour?
ReplyDeleteOh, I am sure that will get a response.
ReplyDeleteThe comments are far and above the best part of this blog.
ReplyDelete