Husker Finnegan

(repost from the super new cool blog that is so super and so ultra secret, you know nothing about it.)

I used to ride my bike a lot in Seattle. I did not have children on chosen weekends and I would take off early Saturday morning and come back late. I could put on 150 miles and be the happiest person in the world. One day I was riding on Lake Washington Blvd on my way to Renton, for no real reason, and I happened upon a group of slow moving cyclists. Generally speaking, when you pass slow movers you announce it by saying something like "on your left" as you pass, so as not to startle. Generally speaking I did not say anything, I came up too fast, I was wearing ear buds listening to music and I was hyper alert and watched each and every front tire to see if they were making any adjustment and once I was past them, I did not worry about what they might be doing, because that was already a fading memory.

As I passed the slow riders I switched gears and really started to move, which in bike terms probably meant I was doing 25 miles per hour, on a flat road, so not fast, but for me, a good speed. Without me knowing it, one of the slow pokes had picked up his pace and slid in behind me, inches behind my back tire, he was hunched over his handle bars and peddling with an ease that meant he was well trained, a conditioned athlete or a competitive dick. I would later learn he was all three. His name is Husker Finnegan, and he is The Irish Prince of Seattle, or at least that was one of my favorite nicknames for him. As our friendship developed from that day, nicknames became a hobby of sorts. I was almost always Bert, short for my last name. He was the Irish Prince before any ride, but once we had put miles on the bikes and pushed one another around the lake or over to Redmond or on some other adventure, then I would come up some mean and nasty name, like shithead McGee or Slow Poke Drunken Fool.

He was far from a slow poke, in fact, he could beat me on any ride any time he wanted. Most of the time he did not seem to care. I am a competitive jerk when it comes to competing. He is not. He rides and rides hard, but his will to win and to see others lose is just not that intense. He just enjoys sweating I think.

We were riding on a hot August evening and I was having trouble keeping up and I called out Husker, Husker, but he was listening to music and could not hear me. Huck I screamed and he turned his head and slowed the bike. Huck, Huck Finnegan. I started to laugh as I passed him.

The rest of that summer Huck Finnegan and I rode a lot. It was a summer of miles and miles and excess amounts of cheap Mexican food. You hardly ever recognize moments in life that are close to perfect and only now do I realize that summer was one of those rare times. We rode because it brought us peace and joy and sometimes those moments are what we seek out later in life. Peace and joy are hard to come by once complexity comes into play.

I no longer live within riding distance of Husker, he of Seattle, me thousands of miles away. He called last week. He, for the first time ever, is going to be a father. He called for my advice. I laughed and hung up the phone.

I was in a hot bath when he called back. Apparently he was serious, his wife of 14 years is pregnant. Shocking news since he is impotent and she is eggless, or so I had been told for, well, 14 years.

I should not have answered a cell phone in a hot bath, but I did. Advice I offered. I have thousands of children in millions of countries and I am skilled and irresponsible in most parenting situations, so I am an expert. Husker listened for a few minutes as I laid in the hot tub and rambled about being drunk at the birth, especially if you are in the actual birthing room. Drunk, as in super drunk and bring extra to drink during the entire birthing process. He hung up.

Disappearing posts

If you are like me, and if that is the case you need a shave and a shot of tequila, you often read back in the archives of this blog to laugh at the good old days.

If that is the case, and I can't imagine anyone has ever done that, but if that is the case, you have noticed the changes. Good for you.

If not. Then this post means nothing.

If we ever develop the ability to predict earthquakes in advance, say a day prior to the trembler, do you think these gay guys with their blow dried hair and fake smiles would be standing next to a pile of dirt and pretending to care and say things like, "soon, Peter, very soon the world will begin to shake. Back to you in the studio."

The Letters Project

The rabbi, the dream and the NA meetings

A few months ago I would go to a nearby hospital once a week to get some blood work done, or something like that, at this point, I forget. The very first week I went, I walked by a synagogue and noticed an office. I have no idea why, but I walked in, introduced myself to the rabbi as something of a lapsed Jew and sat down. It became my ritual, once a week, I would stop in, we would talk and I would go on my way to the hospital.

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The choices we make

I was in a hospital room last Friday, which was my first mistake, but let's just quickly move beyond that. There I was, in one of those horrible gown type things, waiting while wires were wired to me and tests were done to make sure my heart rate was racing and blood was flowing. Once everything was set, a nice older nurse came in to ask me some questions. That's when things got funky.

Not bad for the worst president ever

I have been thinking about what a bust President Obama is. First, he gives a great speech, and that was important because for 8 long years we had a president who spoke English as a third language, behind Texan and Goofball. So, when Barrack Obama stepped onto the stage and could read a teleprompter like no one else, a lot of people were impressed.

Then he accidentally got elected. See, he probably should not have beat Hillary Clinton. Not that I wanted Hillary Clinton to win, although in retrospect, she probably would have been a much much much better president. Heck at this point, John McCain, all brain dead and angry might have been a better president, but things happen and Barrack Obama is president.

Now, I understand that from day one the republicans have put the future of their party far in front of the future of the country, so when it came time to vote for a stimulus, they made sure nothing really would go to create jobs or help people find actual work. When it came time to bail out their banker friends, Republicans made sure that money got spent without any limits at all. When it came time to pass TARP, under the former president, they did that in a matter of minutes. Now, when it comes time to pass a budget, or a deficit spending limit bill, they hem and haw, they cry and spit and then they fuck everything up and then they blame the president.

Obama is not Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton would have beat the shit out of teabagging hypocrites and fake tanning house leaders.

Maybe what Obama needs to learn from Republicans is not so much how to lead, because god knows republicans make a terrible habit of not being such great leaders, but instead, he should learn their trick of taking credit of all things good and blaming all things bad on others.

Who could forget that republicans blamed (and continue to blame) the terror attacks of 9-11 on Bill Clinton. Imagine that. See how that works? Blame the last president for the things that happen on your watch. Brilliant really. Why can't Obama be bothered to keep that scam working? I know, we would like to think he is more honorable, but that is certainly not true. Politics is an ugly game, played by middle management losers and white guys in bad suits, these are not our best minds, these are simpletons with decent smiles. Obama needs to learn how to paint a picture. The economy sucks? Blame Bush. Two wars? Bush started them. The countries infrastructure is falling apart? Blame Reagan (why not?).

Want to know what he should be doing?

Every time he speaks, he should start with reminding everyone that Former president Bush spent literally trillions of dollars hunting Osama Bin Laden, and Obama killed him. Done. Reagan, Bush and all the other republicans have spent trillions helping corrupt "leaders" in Egypt, Libya and many other countries hold down their people and give us cheap oil, but with Obama in the White House, these tyrants have been ousted and democracy is spreading around the world. Talk about how history is happening in these countries thanks to the presidents politices and take credit for it, because if there was a republican in office right now, you know they would take credit for every good thing happening in the world.

One more thing Mr. President. Fight with the media. Right now, right this moment, these rich blow dried "reporters" are complaining that you have the audacity to take a vacation while Americans are losing their jobs. You understand that you are president of the United States, right? Hold a simple little press conference and remind these morons of that fact. Remind them that they, the blow dired press take vacations, remind them that their owners, the media moguls who hack phones take vacations and remind them, this is key, that George Bush took vacations 90 percent of his time in office. Say that, "the former president spent 90 percent of his time in Crawford Texas and no one seemed to car, so fuck you."

That said, Obama will probably be a one termer because he refuses to be a democrat. He forgot that he was elected because he was a democrat. He is failing because he is trying to be nice to the party that hates him. He should stop reading the teleprompter and remember that his days in office are limited, they always are for a president. You have to hit the ground running and never stop if you want to accomplish things. He also needs to remember that if teabagging hypocrites want to take down this country just because they can, he has to beat them with the stick that is the presidency until they bend and break, not continue to be a little wussy who does whatever it is they demand.

Homer Estes

My best friend in the entire world Homer Estes has been staying in our guest room for about three weeks. He used to live in Houston Texas, but things got "funky" and he "high tailed" it out of there. Homer and I met in third grade at Meiners Oaks Elementary School.

Miss Robinson was our teacher, she was and probably still is, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She had brown hair that curled around at her shoulders and she wore short skirts that showed just enough leg that even a young man might wonder what that all could mean. She drove a sports car and since this was Southern California, sometimes she would show up with the top down and big sunglasses on. She was magic.

Homer and I once got into a fight. Sixth grade, PE class, the teacher, an old angry and bitter former military man named McDonald laced up some super large boxing gloves and set up a ring. He chose Homer and I and off we went. For a few seconds we both bounced around the ring, skinny white Mohammad Ali moves and everything. Then we were winded, we stood close enough to swing and we began to punch, he landed this balloon pillow onto my face and I swung wildly at his head. Then our arms got tired and we both started laughing hysterically. Old McDonald, the bitter gym teacher, called us pansies and made us run laps. We mostly just walked and chatted because once we were out of his sight, McDonald could care less about us.

Homer Estes showed up about 3 weeks ago with an old Mercedes, a 66 Mercedes, filled with clothes, a futon, a CD collection, an ancient Dell laptop and some shoes. He was on the move and right now, our guest room was his hideout. Fine by me, in all the years I have known him, Homer has always been steady. In fact, he's a little boring to be honest with you, but I say that in a nice way. As I said, we became friends long before puberty, long before girlfriends and wives and betrayal and deception. We were like brothers. We still are. He has only seemed to attach himself to needy "creative" types and I am famous for dating psychopaths and farm animals.

Three weeks ago Homer just knocked on my door and we shared a bottle of wine. I am pretty sure there was a story about his road adventure, but for the life of me, I can't recall it. So, fuck it, I'll make one up.

For a while Homer has been a contractor for NASA in Houston, working on a shuttle booster system that propels stuff when other stuff needs things to happen, all very technical and incredibly boring. It is what pays the bills is what he would say after everyone at the table had started to doze off. A couple of years ago, a house in Homers neighborhood went up for sale, and the next day, it was purchased, and a week later a nice white couple moved in. Now, Homer is nothing if not a racist, but he noted the skin color because, and this is something people notice and seem to report a little more in Texas than in other states, people tend to say things like, a nice white couple moved in. Go figure. There was no mention if they were Jews or not.

Homer is a nice guy and this new couple, let's call them Tammy and Jim soon became the sort of people you wave at when you pass them on the street. Then, at least in Homers telling of the story, he and Tammy began having a wild and lurid affair. The types of sexual things they did are far beyond my imagination and again, the whole memory thing, suffice to say, to the average person, the sexual pairings and positions were disgusting and amazing.

Jim, who Homer would find out is detached to the Secret Service detail that protects former President Bush, would soon find out, not just about the affair, but the videos of Homer and Tammy doing some of the acrobatic sex that one Xtube commentator said was "appalling in its use of fruit and camera angles." I am not sure what the exact words or what sort of weapon was used when those particular words were spoken, but apparently, Jim gave Homer about 3 hours to disappear and never to be seen or heard from again.

Then the knock on my door and we had some wine.

Homer has no children, or at least any that he knows of, he likes to say, with a sly smile. I say that too sometimes, but I actually have children, so when I say it, I think I just appear irresponsible.

Homer told me that he was going to look for work. That was three weeks ago. Instead, he has set up some sort of mechanical device that appears to be powering the house. I'm not kidding. In the spare bedroom is a shoebox that has some sort of battery that a team at NASA has been developing. The batteries hold a charge for months, which makes sense, since they would be on a space ship, say, on it's way to Mars, and sometimes, there might be long times without any sun charging batteries.

So this box, which right now is hooked to a portable solar panel set up outside the bedroom window, is plugged into a wall socket, and that is filling the house with all the power we need, and probably more, so the power company may actually be sending me a check this month. What is great is the single small solar panel actually slowly charges the batteries enough that they will never run out of power, so this shoe box could power my house and probably Fat Mommas house and maybe Bitter Dianes house too.

Bitter Diane called me yesterday to complain about my obese lesbian cat. First, my cat was not always obese, she has let herself go, and I am part of the problem, because I feel sorry for her on a variety of levels and instead of getting her the treatment she needs and some meetings and that sort of environment, I am enabling her by feeding her whenever she meows. That said, she pretty new to the lesbian lifestyle too, so I found it pretty offensive that Bitter Diane would not only bring up my cats physical traits, but also her sexual preference.

So Homer has this device that could change all of mankind as we know it, reverse the way the world is powered and the power that flows to the countries that supply the world with power, if that makes sense. You would think that someone sitting on such a device would, A-be trying to replicate it into a mass market object and cashing in to the tune of billions of dollars, or, B- be able to at least get a god damned job at Ikea.

That's right, Homer could not even get a job at Ikea. If there is anything wrong with America right now, right this moment in our history, it is that right there. First, we should always be able to get a job at Ikea. What the hell happened to this country that a man with a college education and a career can not get a job selling shitty furniture to gays? Dammit Obama, what have you done?

As if not being able to get a job at Ikea was not an insult enough, Homer has no clue what to do with the solar battery device that is powering my house. He has no idea how it was made, how it was put together, how any of it works or if it will last forever. He has a few more in his car, those are the only ones he is sure even exist. If I could spell conundrum, I could use it right about now.

A breast man

It's true. While driving in Ohio yesterday I found myself starving, which is something I seem to find myself doing a lot more lately, for no real reason.

So there I was, in the beautiful countryside, and I could not for the life of me find a restaurant that was not some fast food crap palace, so I kept driving, all the while knowing I was in the midst of starving. Then I stumbled upon a fine little Mexican restaurant near Youngstown and stopped in.

Here is the deal, I can not longer eat gluton and I have to be seriously suspicious of all food that may or could have any sort of gluton product in, on or near it. True. So, I can not have, say, a burrito. Which is frustrating, because of for the first 27 years of my life, I lived on nothing more than burritos and cheap beer.

I ordered a sauteed chicken breast on rice. When it arrived it looked like it must have come from the Dolly Parton of chickens, because the breast covered the large plate. Even starving I ate about a quarter of it. Where does a breast like that actually come from? I looked it over, it was one piece of chicken. How could a single chicken even walk around with such a large breast?

Either way, it was delicious. Is there a point here? No. Well, maybe. Because I was paying attention to the other diners, who like me, had decided to avoid some fast food shit palace and eat instead at the largest breast of chicken Mexican restaurant place, I noticed that the food was in fairly large portions. What I also noticed was people ate a lot of it. I also noticed, and those of you who have read this blog before know what's coming, there were some profoundly enormous Americans eating these large portions of fairly decent Mexican food.

Portion control? Not in this place.

Which is ironic, because not just a couple hours earlier I was showing some short films to a group of marketing geniuses at one of the worlds greatest medical facilities in the world and during a short break one of these well groomed market whiz brilliant minds cornered me and we were talking and he asked me if I worked out and I said never and he said how did a man of my age keep such a flat stomach, and I believe I laughed out loud and I said, let's get back to the meeting.

Which is why, while eating one of the largest chicken breast in the history of the world, and packing it up in a take home box, I was thinking, portion control.

Iowa for Flem

As most of you probably know, Jasper Flem won the Iowa Straw Poll this past weekend. I know, the "lame stream" media tried to say the second place winner, Michelle Palin Bachmann.3 may have come close, but she lost, fair and stupid.

That said, Flem reportedly said to a member of Fox News "that Backmann chick is kinda hot."

If you ask me, and no one has, it is way to early to be worrying about who will pick up the pieces of the Obama nightmare. But since this is America and 99 percent of the populace is either unemployed or at work reading blogs on the computer while not really working, it is super important that we all focus on the hicks in Iowa and what they are doing.

That said, Iowa allows the gays to marry, while the republicans running for president can not wait to get into the white house to make sure gays can not marry, servie in the military, adopt children or exist.

Then again, Iowa is not really in America anyway.

Which brings us all back to Jasper Flem, the leader of the candidates currently running for president and a heck of a nice poker player. In reaction to the recent report that said Michelle Bachmann might be married to a man, Flem said he supports he right to chooce.

Praying the gays away

As the Republicans prepare for their first Iowa silly voting thing today, you have to hand it to the young kids who are fed up with being second class citizens.

Michelle (2012 Palin/Barbie) Bachman and her super closet case husband have been in Iowa, she campaigning, him praying he is no longer gay, or something. Below is a video of an American hero, not just because a 17 year old, a non-voter in Republican verbiage, but a hero to people who like freedom and freedom of choice, spoke up to this hate filled submissive woman and her strange and idiotic husband.

Now, I am all for prayer, heck I have spent the last few months praying all the time. What I am against is using prayer to enforce your hate. Michelle Bachmanns gay husband seems to think he can pray the gay away, some sort of therapy for people who do not like the sexuality that god gave them. I say be who you are and live with it.

The 17 year old took over the Bachmanns little silly Iowa circus did what people should always do in the face of hate, stand up, scream and fight it. It is hard not to feel like this is the sort of protest that has impact, because at the end of this short clip, the pariahs of the press have circled the young man and are seeking quotes, while the closet case Bachmann and his whacky wife disappear, as they should.

Email

"Yo-Shithead, what are you afraid of? Why you shut off the comment section? Wat sorta pussy you become anyway?"

"Is there a reason the comment second has been closed?"

"I noticed that you have removed the comments. Nothing personal, but they were the real reason I returned to your blog. Any way you could bring them back? You do know bookmarks can be deleted, right (Implied threat)?"

"Sir or Madam, I represent a majority of the readers of your blog. You have 17 minutes to reinstate your open comment policy or you and I will tussle in Federal Court. Understand? Regards, Beth Libitard, esq (the q is for whatever I want it to be for)."

Sensual depravity and dogma

I am not sure when I began to go to the store by myself. I do know that it was intoxicating, the power of choice and the freedom to spend as much time as I wanted just wandering the halls and exploring places I had never really taken the time to visit before.

I know in my teen years I would visit the store often, daily and sometimes more than once a day. I liked everything about the experience. When I started to drive, I would visit other stores, just to check them out, note the differences, but often return to my tried and true. When you have a store that is all yours, and you understand its secrets, then you know you can always return there.

When I moved away to college I thought I would lose interest in stores, because well, the need to express my independence became less necessary in college, where independence was a given. Still, I would find myself walking off campus, exploring exotic stores in the areas around campus. Some were scary, because in one direction away from the school, there was an intimidating slum, filled will all sorts of dangers and perversions. That said, the store there was fascinating. I would slink away after a midday class, head to the slums and burrow my way into the store, finding it shabby and a little stinky, like it was a store that sold used stuff, but that was not the case. The woman who manned the cash register always greeted me with a smile. I would ask about toothpaste or something, take her direction and head off. The aisles were slapped together and a mess, which in itself was comforting. Every now and then I would be bothered by a mean looking homeless person, or a dangerously drugged teen and I would promise myself never to return, but a week or two later, I was back, looking for nothing and finding everything I needed.

In the other direction from the campus there were pristine houses and a large well lit grocery store that was open 24 hours. Sometimes I would get wasted at a party on campus, stroll over to the 24 hour store, at 2 in the morning, a little buzzed and a little self conscious, and the clerks would turn the music up loud while they restocked the shelves. Sometimes we would all dance, just a spur of the moment punk rock extravaganza. Sometimes we would all just groove on the loud music and in inanity of it all.

As I aged I lost touch with the joy that a simple visit to a store can bring. I no longer look for the special surprises, choosing instead to quickly get in and get out and move on with my super important life. That is what happens, when you are young, the store is incredibly alluring and you have the time to invest in its mystery. As you get older, children and jobs and survival become much more of an issue, while stores and the time spent in them become more of a duty than a perfect afternoon.

I thought about my history with stores today, as I was luxuriating at a new found store in a beautiful old neighborhood I accidentally discovered. In the back of this converted warehouse, which is now a bit of a coffee roaster, book shop and natural food emporium, I found an old over stuffed couch, sitting alone, looking like it could use some weight. Weight is something I have plenty to share, so I sat and enjoyed the view. Hippies of all forms and shapes wandered by in the haze that only hippies seem to attain. We would smile at one another and I would drift off as they floated away, all of us in touch with something more profound than we could possibly understand.

The smell of roasting coffee, the buzz of conversations in the distance and the near absorption of the couch of much of my body left me groggy, so I slept.

Therapy is magic

My therapist has this unique policy of never letting me talk of my family or what has happened in my past. He has this philosophy that since it’s already happened, why bother going back over history, which I guess makes sense.

“The future, that is where all your problems are,” is how Dr. Meesvian puts it. Again, I guess he is right. I have asked Dr. Meesvian many times about my childhood and his answer is almost always the same, “all I know about your childhood is what you tell me, and I figure that must be tainted by lies, deception and drug abuse.”

My father was a poor dirt farmer and my mother worked for an illegal Mexican who ran an illegal burrito stand a few blocks from our apartment. She would walk down in the skimpiest dress imaginable and come home late at night smelling of cheap tequila and carrying 13 dollars in wrinkled one dollar bills. I never knew what she did because quite honestly, the illegal burrito stand was just a tad bit shady.

One day after toiling with his tomato plants until late in the evening, my dad asked me to go check on my mother, who seemed to be working late yet again. I don’t remember how old I was at the time, somewhere between 15 and 25, still in that sweet and impressionable age. I left our place and walked towards the illegal burrito shack and for a while I thought I would never get there, then a white van pulled over and a priest asked if I needed a ride. Now, while I was raised in a strictly religious family, the religion did not involve either neck collars or child abuse, but I did need a ride, so I got in.

He asked where I was going and I pointed to the illegal burrito stand that was fast approaching on the right. He asked if I had ever seen a naked man of the cloth and I opened the passenger door and left. As the door slammed shut I could hear him say something like “god be with you” and I stammered an “amen”.

I walked up to the badly lit illegal burrito stand and a high pitched voice from within the stand itself said, “you want burrito?” I said I was there to find my mother and all of a sudden all the windows shut, the lights went out and a gaggle of immigrants from countries I could not spell ran from back of the trailer.

I walked home that night, having learned a valuable lesson.

Dumb and dumber

Hey, in case you missed in GW Bush version 2 is running for president, although Sarah Palin with a penis has yet to actually announce, Ricky Perry says Jesus told him he could run, which is good enough for me.

Sarah Palin with a penis? Yikes.

Anyway, because Americans are incredibly stupid, we will elect another dumb, underachieving governor from Texas because he will Aw Shucks us into believing he will bring integrity back, or something.

Could I just cut to the chase? Electing Governor Perry will not be nearly as fun as electing governor Bush was. See, Bush was fun because while he was stupid, he was funny stupid. He would say stupid things and just stand there waiting for people to believe it and for the most part, 47 percent of Americans would. Perry will not be able to pull that off because, A- his daddy was never president and B- we have seen this act now and it does not end pretty.

So, what to do? Vote for Perry. That's what I'm doing.

Good days

Oh, I know, the stock market has dropped closet to a zillion points, the incompetent president is matched step for step with the greedy and insane congress and the Gulf of Mexico now produces pre-oiled shrimp for your cooking pleasure, and you ask yourself, can life get any better that this?

Why, yes, yes it can.

I was talking just yesterday to an old dear friend who said this to me. "You need to get a bottle of Jack Daniels, rent a decent hotel room, have a couple of drinks, do whatever makes you happy, and celebrate."

First off, this is why having long time friends is important, because they offering advice that is both perfect and semi-retarded. Although, to be honest, I decided that last night deserved some sort of celebration, so I stopped at a diner frequented by truckers and had a steak. I know, as you get older, celebrations are not what they used to be.

A couple of observations from New York City. While there is not panic in the streets, there are certainly a lot fewer tourists. There was a time when you would do a gallery crawl and all you would hear is languages that you would not understand. It was a joyous time, tanned people, in exotic summer wear, talking passionately about art and food with sexy words that were completely foreign.

Yesterday, during my latest crawl through some of the cities finer galleries, or at least the ones that remain open, I mostly walked with college students and unemployed financial industry clerks and paper pushers.

It is a strange time, across from one of my favorite galleries is a new Tesla shop, where these beautiful electric race cars are shown off for all the world to gawk at. While I was gawking, this beautiful young woman steps out of the showroom, opens the door to a low slung Tesla and steps in and without a sound, sped off. Now, I am not the type who needs the sound of a powerful engine to make me understand that a car is zooming away, but the peace and quiet the Tesla leaves the scene with is both inspiring and disquieting, all at the same time.

Say whatever you will about our ailing economy, the Apple Store on 14th was packed and people were buying. Of course, there was a large man shaving and brushing his teeth in the third floor restroom, which was a little shocking, but because Apple employees all weigh in about 100 pounds and are incredibly polite, no one said a word. Nice.

There was other good news, but I ended up driving home last night to celebrate with my babies. I will get around to it, but right now I have work to do. That may be the liet motif of what will bring the American economy back from the abyss. See the key is not to wait for the empty headed morons in Washington DC to do something dramatic or pragmatic, they hardly ever do. No, the important thing is for the people of this country to continue to create, to find new business ideas, to reach out to others and develop all sorts of ways to move forward. The people we elect to congress are at best failed middle managers, so the best we can expect from them is to stay out of the way. These are not leaders, they are clowns in cheap suits. If you want to make this country a better place, it would be wise to forget we even have a federal government and get moving on your own.

President Jesus

I forget, have we had a cowboy from Texas, who did not do well in college or private industry, but did well enough in a big state like Texas, end up running for president?

I have memory issues, is it possible that we could stumble upon a nice dumb white guy who just loves Jesus and wants to invade innocent countries? Seems like we have not had a president like this in a long long time.

Why, just this past weekend the president of Texas, or whatever they call those people, maybe Pope of Texas? Either way, we get it, you make it as the leader of the good people of Texas, you may as already have the Supreme Court name you president. So it will be done. Plus, I do love me some Texan who loves Jesus.

In a time of deep economic troubles, with two wars and infighting in Washington that means nothing of substance can get done, it's time for leadership change, so why not turn back to the time when the debt ceiling was voted on without so much as a negotiation? Heck, those were the good old days, when you could get a mortgage on your house just by asking for one, no documents, no identification, heck, no house. I miss those days and if Jesus from Texas gets elected, I am pretty sure the good old days will be here again.

Jesus 2012.

Taxing times

I was driving around yesterday, having spent hundreds of dollars I did not actually want to spend on new tires, I felt a need to put some miles on the tires, forgetting for a second the cost of fuel I was wasting on the driving. It was a perfect day to just be out and about, so I turned on the radio and opened the sunroof and enjoyed the warm afternoon.

There was an NPR program on and the host was interviewing a famed economist from Harvard who was about to go and speak the truth and you and I know full well how little anyone wants to hear the truth.

Quick tangent, I had a date last night with someone who has not seen me in a few weeks. I walk in the room, say hello and I am greeted with, "have you gained weight?" See? Sometimes we do not want to hear the truth, we like some sort of varnished version of the truth, like, "hey, you look great."

So I am driving around listening to this famed economist who has two answers for our countries economic trouble. First, he agreed with Standard and Poor's recent decision to downgrade the American credit rating. He said it will be going lower. The host was nice enough to ask if there was a solution to the countries long term debt problems and the answer was yes, yes there was.

Ready? Raise all taxes by 2/3 forever. Heck, that seems simple enough. But no one, especially the empty suits who are elected to congress would ever vote for such a tax increase, especially one for the wealthy, so that concept of actually raising the money to pay off our debts would be almost impossible. So, the host asked, seeing that it would be close to impossible to raise the taxes necessary to pay off the debts, what could we do. "Oh," the famed economist said, " we could cut all spending by 40 percent."

That was the other option, all spending, from defense to Social Security to Medicare to school lunch programs. Every federal dollar, from the road workers to the congressional pay, cut by 40 percent, immediately and forever.

Those were the only real options available to honestly deal with the countries debt. Oh sure, we will have a pretend commission here and there, making small cuts and promises of more, because that is the way our elected wussies do things. They never really do anything on their own watch, they always make cuts for the next elected group to deal with, and that never happens. Thus we keep growing our long term debt, pretending that it will never come due.

The famed economist had no dog in this race, he was just a smart guy looking at numbers. Congress and presidents always have friends to pay off and voters who don't like to feel a pinch. The problem is, generation after generation have used the same accounting tricks to push off the long term problems and those problems have now come home to roost. Our European brothers are under the same cloud and the world will soon be forced to deal. Default, 40 percent cut, a huge tax increase, there will not be a pretty and simple solution. Of course, we could raise taxes by about 30 percent across the board and cut all federal spending, every program, every dollar by 20 percent, that might work.

I know, I would rather just open the sunroof and go for a long drive too.

Comcast Customer Service online chat

Because I do not pay attention to things like billing statements, I only recently discovered that my Comcast bill has almost doubled in the last couple of months. In the modern age, you log on to the company website and chat with friendly people who may or may not understand simple English. What follow is the exact online chat I had tonight with some of Comcasts more drug addled chat people.

analyst Maricel has entered room

MaricelBBBL: Hello Matt, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Maricel. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Matt: My Issue: My bill charges have doubled over the last couple of months, without notice. I went back to January 2011, the bill was 62 dollars, now it's 110. I never authorized this, no new services have been added. This needs to be fixed.

MaricelBBBL: You have reached Comcast Billing Department. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help resolve your issue. I'm sure we can work together to get this resolved for you as soon as possible.

MaricelBBBL: My apologies for the frustration this issue has caused you with your bill that went up, Matt. I'm going to do everything I can to resolve this with you today.

Matt: OK

MaricelBBBL: I understand that you want me to check the details of the bill why it went up, am I correct?

Matt: Yes

Matt: I'd also like a credit, since I just caught this during this cycle, but it has been too high for a couple of months.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you for confirming the issue an I am sorry to hear that from you, Matt.

MaricelBBBL: Were the services on promotions when you ordered?

Matt: Not that I was made aware of.

MaricelBBBL: Okay, no problem.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you for bringing this to our attention, I'm sure we can work together to get this resolved for you as soon as possible.

MaricelBBBL: Let me check that on the account first.

MaricelBBBL: I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you. I can certainly understand your frustration, and I really appreciate the opportunity to make things right.

MaricelBBBL: No worries! I will personally take care of this for you, Matt! I am here to provide you with excellent customer service today with our issue with your bill that went up . Please be assured I will do my best to help you with your concern.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you for providing your information in the chat initiation form. Would you please verify the information below is correct?

Matt: I could not find any notice in my original paperwork, nor was I ever sent any new information that indicated there would be any price increase.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you.

Matt: yes

Matt: My account number: XXXXXXXXXX

MaricelBBBL: To protect your account I will need to verify some additional information. Would you please provide me with the account number or the last 4 digits of your social security number? Thank you .

MaricelBBBL: Thank you for giving me the account information. Please give me a minute or two for me to pull up the account. Thank you.

MaricelBBBL: You can pay your bill, access your Comcast email, Comcast Digital Voice voicemail, schedule DVR events, and browse TV listings all in one location. Visit www.comcast.net to learn more. If you have any questions after we are finished, I'll be more than happy to answer them for you.

MaricelBBBL: While you are waiting why not check out Comcast Customer Central from either Comcast.com or Comcast.net and learn more about managing your account online. If you have any questions after we are finished, I'll be more than happy to answer them for you.

MaricelBBBL: Our goal is to provide you with a consistently superior customer experience – that’s our guarantee. Learn more about the Comcast Customer Guarantee at http://www.comcast.com/corporate/Customers/CustomerGuarantee.html?fss=customer%20guarantee

Matt: I have had no problems with Comcast, except when I found about that I am being overcharged.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you.

Matt: How long will this take?

MaricelBBBL: Matt, I am sorry, the billing system is taking time to open

Matt: ok

MaricelBBBL: Matt, I am sorry but your $39.99 double play package promotions expired

Matt: and it doubled?

Matt: or tripled?

MaricelBBBL: It went back to its original rate of $90.90

MaricelBBBL: Would you like to check promotions that can be applied on your account so that the bill will be lowered?

Matt: Immediately, because to be honest, Verizon has some great offers that do not have these time limits, plus they link to my cell service.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you.

Matt: What you are saying is if I stay with comcast, my bill will be 90 a month?

MaricelBBBL: Please stay connected while I escalate you to my partner in sales department . Thank you for contacting comcast! Thank you and take care!

MaricelBBBL: That was the reason why we need to check on promotions that can be applied to the account, Matt

Matt: OK, I could not log into the Comcast site. Please check for me.

MaricelBBBL: What error message were you getting?

Matt: I could not get the regular site that lists possible bundled packages.

Matt: Have I now been pushed threw to the sales department?

MaricelBBBL: Matt, I will transfer you directly to my partner in sales

MaricelBBBL: Are you ready now?

Matt: yes, I was actually ready the first time you asked me.

Matt: verizon is 49.99 for the first year.

MaricelBBBL: Thank you,

MaricelBBBL: Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst

analyst Johanna has entered room

JohannaMBOE: Hi! Welcome to the Comcast Chat Sales Department, Matt! I really appreciate the time you are taking to contact us. I will be assisting you throughout our conversation until we finish your request. You may call me Johanna. How you are doing?

analyst Maricel has left room

analyst Maricel has left room

Matt: Super good

JohannaMBOE: I understand that you are interested in lowering your monthly bill. Is this correct?

Matt: I am interested in Comcast sticking with the original deal I signed up with, yes.

Matt: It has doubled recently.

Matt: Without warning.

JohannaMBOE: I am sorry to know that, Matt.

JohannaMBOE: Please give me 2 minutes to review your account.

Matt: OK

JohannaMBOE: Matt, I can see that your cable and internet promotion has rolled over to its regular rate. Since you are chatting to lower your bill, we can look for downgrade options for you.

JohannaMBOE: Please be advised that we cannot renew or extend a promotion to an existing service in an account.

Matt: Well, we have basic cable, barely use the phone service, and our internet is spotty at best, I can't imagine what a downgrade would look like.

Matt: Please be advised that Verizon is offering 250 channels of cable HiDef TV, Vios internet and phone service for 49 a month for a 2 year contract.

Matt: that is less than half of what I pay Comcast

Matt: with many more TV options and a higher bandwith for internet

JohannaMBOE: I understand. However, downgrading your services is the last option that we can give you to lower your monthly bill. In the meantime, please check the offers your local market has. If you are not happy with their offer, you can chat back and we will look for some downgrade options for you.

Matt: No, I may not have been clear.

Matt: What I would prefer is that Comcast does not change my billing rate, but if you can not change it back to the agreed upon rate, there are options withyour competition that are superior, at a lower cost.

JohannaMBOE: To give you an information, you can choose to downgrade your phone service to Local with More for only $24.95 per month. We also have Economy Internet 1Mbps $26.95 per month.

Matt: Can you tell me what my normal internet usage is over the last few months?

JohannaMBOE: Matt, I am sorry, I do not have an access on that. You may call the technical support department to have them check for you. Your current internet speed is 12Mbps.

Matt: By the way, just to be clear, it is sleazy business practices to raise my bundle rate without any sort of notice what-so-ever.

Matt: so the offer of 1Mbps is less than a 10th of what I have now? Really?

JohannaMBOE: Yes.

Matt: So, what I would appreciate is, a return to my agreed up, contracted rate, and a refund of the over charges onto my account.

JohannaMBOE: You can stick with your current internet plan and its going to be $45.95 per month.

Matt: Is there a supervisor you can push me towards?

Matt: because, to be honest, you are not offering me a savings, just worse service for about the same amount of money.

Matt: And your competition can beat those offers on every point.

Matt: Supervisor please.

JohannaMBOE: I understand how frustrating this might be, I apologize for the inconvenience of not getting a warning that your promotion is about to expire. I would love to process your request in getting the same service at the same rate, however, we do not renew a promotion. As expected, promotion has it end date.

JohannaMBOE: Here's what we will do. I will note your account with the option that I gave you. In the meantime, please call 1-800-9346489 and ask for the cancellation department. They will be able to give you offers for existing customers we do not have online.

Matt: Supervisor please!

JohannaMBOE: You will be able to save $15 per month in getting the Local with More Phone service $24.95 per month and Performance Internet at $45.95 per month.

JohannaMBOE: One moment please while I check a Supervisor for you.

Matt: the number you gave me does not work at this time...thanks for that

JohannaMBOE: You are welcome.

Matt: I was being sarcastic.

JohannaMBOE: Matt, can you please stay online for 2 to 3 minutes while waiting for a supervisor?

Matt: yes, of course. It's not like I have anything better to do than chat online with someone completely unwilling to help.

JohannaMBOE: Thank you for your patience in waiting, Matt.

JohannaMBOE: Matt, I will now connect you over to my supervisor.

JohannaMBOE: Would there be anything else that I can help you?

Matt: Please.

JohannaMBOE: Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst

analyst Johanna has left room

analyst Theresa has entered room

Matt: My Issue: My bill charges have doubled over the last couple of months, without notice. I went back to January 2011, the bill was 62 dollars, now it's 110. I never authorized this, no new services have been added. This needs to be fixed.

SUPTheresaC: Welcome to Comcast Chat Sales! I see you are interested in adding Comcast services. It's my pleasure to process your order and answer any questions you may have throughout our conversation.

Matt: I am interested in having my bill lowered to what it was.

SUPTheresaC: I see. let me go ahead and check it first.

SUPTheresaC: Can you provide me with the account number and the complete name of the account holder.

Matt: yes

Matt: XXXXXXXXXXX

Matt: I hope that helps.

SUPTheresaC: Thank you

Matt: Sure

SUPTheresaC: Let me look at the account and for security verification can you provide us with the last 4 of the account holder's ssn

SUPTheresaC: Matt, are you still there?

Matt: Yes, I am focused on a couple of other things.

SUPTheresaC: thank you very much.

SUPTheresaC: I can see that you have basic cable, performance internet and Unlimited phone service, correct?

Matt: yes

Matt: yes

Matt: the problem, I had a bundle price that came to about 60 per month, and now it is around 120.

SUPTheresaC: I checked and your services has already rolled off to it's regular price from a 6 month's promotion of $39.99 internet and phone and your basic cable remained the same.

Matt: Verizon is offering better televison, 250 channels, equal internet and phone service, for about 60 per month, 2 year contract.

SUPTheresaC: I see. Matt, I understand that you want to lower down your bill, correct?

Matt: yes

SUPTheresaC: As for the offer of Verizon, I can see that they have promotions that are competitive to ours in monetary terms but I can guarantee you that our services is of best quality regardless of the price.

Matt: I want Comcast to charge me the prices we agreed upon when I signed up.

SUPTheresaC: I understand that you want to save some money on your packages. However, the promotional rates can only be taken advantage once.

SUPTheresaC: We can upgrade your service but definitely it will increase your monthly rate.

Matt: I am interested in saving money....and not getting secret charges added on

SUPTheresaC: Downgrade is also applicable but it will lessen the features of your package.

Matt: No, to be clear, Verizon has offered more services at less money that I pay now. I don't want to upgrade, I want to avoid being gouged by a heartless corporation.

SUPTheresaC: Well, I have an option that can certainly suit your needs. Care to hear it?

Matt: Why yes, I can hardly wait.

SUPTheresaC: It seems like you've been with us for quite some time and I can give you the loyalty department's number where discounts are applicable. You can retain the same services but will be able to get it at a lesser price. I'm sure you won't regret calling. The number to call is: 866-565-4863 - loyalty department or you can also reach this department at 18009346489 and select option 4. It's also called retention's department. Unfortunately, they are closed over the weekend. If you want, you can give them a call by Monday between 9am-5pm.

SUPTheresaC: Rest assured that everything will be taken care of and considerably resolved.

SUPTheresaC: Are we good with the suggestion, Matt?

SUPTheresaC: I'm sure that you will change your mind from cancelling your current service once you're done with our retention's department.

SUPTheresaC: Matt?

Matt: I am speaking to customer service now, and it is frustrating...

SUPTheresaC: I understand how you feel about this but this is the only that we can get other options in lowering down your bill without any downgrades applied.

SUPTheresaC: Since you're already with our customer service, would there be anything else that I can further assist you tonight?

Matt: terrible service all the way around...

Matt: this is shameful

SUPTheresaC: I know how it feels like to have something like this and I would definitely feel the same way that you do if this ever happens to me.

Matt: I am shocked that this is the way you run your business. The guy on the phone is only able to bad mouth Verizon, not offer any savings and is more than willing to cut all services down to basically nothing, and still cost more than what I was paying.

SUPTheresaC: However, I was able to check and the system automatically corrects the package once it's promotional rate rolls off

Matt: right

Matt: see, the problem is, the system raised my rate with no warning to me, just one month it doubled.

SUPTheresaC: The package you had before for $39.99 for internet and phone is a rare package and was only offered to few location and luckily you're residing within the area.

Matt: now, I can not get any sort of deal, unless I switch to your competition.

SUPTheresaC: But no worries, once you reach our retention's department, everything will be taken cared of.

Matt: It seems absurd to me that Comcast can not work with customers in a more honest manner

SUPTheresaC: Just give our retention a call because they have codes that are applicable to your need and is possible for you to extend the promotion that you had at the very onset of your stay here with us.

Matt: Umm, that's just not true, your retentions department seemed to be manned by vicious monkeys who could only offer to cut current services and never match any sort of equitable offer in terms of service and price.

Matt: You are lying to me.

SUPTheresaC: I am not.

Matt: Retention had no ability to offer any sort of deal, just to remove services

SUPTheresaC: Did our retention department did that?

Matt: Yes, they would only remove phone and TV service to try and lower my bill.

SUPTheresaC: Because we had a lot of resolution coming from retentions.

SUPTheresaC: Wow!

SUPTheresaC: Did you call the same number that I posted, Matt?

Matt: Not as you said, possible offering to extend the promotion. although I will print that out to show to the customer service people on monday.

Matt: I called the one Johanna had posted previously.

SUPTheresaC: was that the 18009346489?

Matt: I was on the phone, while you were typing.

Matt: Yes that is the number I called. The rude person I spoke with spent much more time bad mouthing Verizon than trying to offer me any reason to stay with comcast, which was not the brightest marketing ploy I have ever experienced.

Matt: This is terribly frustrating.

SUPTheresaC: Matt, were you able to get the name of that representative?

Matt: I did not write it down, but I asked that a supervisor call me back and he assued me I would get a call back within 24 hours.

SUPTheresaC: Because that is a totally wrong customer service and I would feel terribly bad about it if I was in your place.

Matt: I do feel bad. It was highly unusual. But I am trying to resolve this and it looks like I am not going to be able to.

SUPTheresaC: Anyway, I think it would be better if you can check again with retentions during weekdays say first thing Monday because it might be just that representative because during the weekend, there are only few of them.

Matt: Seriously?

SUPTheresaC: But that doesn't give them a reason to inform you of the options that way

Matt: Well, I can call on monday, but I will also be calling other providers, you know, the ones who offer better service at less money? I am pretty sure you have seen their commercials.

SUPTheresaC: I understand. But try to call by Monday say between 9am-5-pm.

Matt: The phone guys name was Steve, I got him on the phone agan.

SUPTheresaC: I can assure you that our retentions department is not as rude as what happened to you earlier.

Matt: He said there is no retention code available to offer me...

SUPTheresaC: Now that is really weird.

Matt: He said if you have a retention code, you should use it. He said that if you are telling me that retention people have codes, that you would have access to those same codes.

Matt: He said you were wrong.

SUPTheresaC: My apologies, Matt. However, for only processes, our codes are only limited for online procedures.

Matt: Well, I am getting the run around. He has no codes, you have no codes, and I am being over charged.

Matt: This is insane.

SUPTheresaC: If you will ask me, I would highly suggest you to call again by monday because you already went through Steve earlier and he will definite tell you the same thing.

Matt: He continues.

Matt: He says you are wrong.

SUPTheresaC: But if you call and you will be able to get a different phone representative, you can then differentiate if retention can really assist you or not.

Matt: He is calling you a liar.

SUPTheresaC: What do online is just to process orders that are still available in the website and downgrade without cancellation of service as well as upgrade.

SUPTheresaC: Our access to the codes are limited compared to the access gained by local office, phone department, retentions and kiosk.

Matt: Well, I am sorry to say that I have been a Comcast customer for over two years and I have had little or no complaints, but this sort of unprofessionalism I am experiencing is beyond the pale. You shift the blame to Steve, he shifts it back to you and no one has a real solution. This is highly unprofessional.

SUPTheresaC: But I don't give my customer a runaround. I always attend to my customers to the best that I can provide, Matt.

Matt: No you do not. There is a huge difference between saying your attend to your customers and actually doing anything for your customers, because, guess what? I am a customer of yours and all you have done is shift blame.

Matt: You are the third person online I have chatted with, no one has offered me a refund of the excess charges, no one has offered to repair my charges and everyone sends me to someone else.

Matt: It is the poorest excuse for customer service, no one is responsible for anything and you shift the blame to others.

SUPTheresaC: Well, if you want, Matt. We can upgrade your package. But the next upgrade to your package is a triple play for $139.99 per month. And that will definitely increase your bill and that is not your goal in this chat, correct?

Matt: Steve offered to upgrade to triple play for whatever the sale promotion is, which I believe he said was 99 per month. This is insane. Pay more when what I want is to pay for what I have been receiving. This is the very definition of terrible service.

Matt: Are you really the supervisor? Is there someone more supervisory in charge there?

SUPTheresaC: Yes, they can do that. Because for online, we have a package grid that we follow.

SUPTheresaC: And only the $139.99 package is applicable according to the online eligibility grid.

Matt: Again, shameful customer service, right hand not knowing what left hand is offering...

SUPTheresaC: And the the only department who can bypass that are local office, retentions and phone department, Matt.

Matt: Incredible.

Matt: Well, this has been beyond frustrating.

SUPTheresaC: My apologies if we cannot process the $99.00 promotion online for you that's the reason why I suggested the retentions department because they have promotions that is beyond online department can offer.

SUPTheresaC: Considering that you want to lower your bill other than downgrade, then we are advised as well to provide the retention's department.

Matt: I see you have neglected to offer a new supervisor for me to chat with. It is getting late...I can understand your apprehension.

Matt: Since you are either drunk or incompetent, I am thinking I should call the good people at Verizon, save some money, get better service and not have to deal with run around game playing unprofessional boobs.

Matt: Have a good night.

SUPTheresaC: Matt, I understand your frustration with this is issue. And considering that the retention's department cant provide you the package that you want which is the $39.99 promotion for the phone service and internet, you can call Verizon to check on it first

Matt: Duh

SUPTheresaC: But ask them as well with the features and terms of the package so that you can get a comparison with our package.

Matt: OH I understand how you people play these games now. Not too worry, Comcast has taught me that you can not trust the contracts that major corporations sign with their customers. Verizon will be forewarned that I have learned my lesson from the best.

SUPTheresaC: Also, I still suggest for you to call our retention's department by Monday or within the weekdays to check with other representatives other than Steve so that you will know if our retention's team really cannot extend your $39.99 promotion.

SUPTheresaC: If only the codes are here in our database online, I can give it to you with supervisory access but since it's not showing here anymore, then we cannot place it online.

Matt: Yes, I agree, Steve is insane and crazy. I will let his supervisor know that you and I are in full agreement on that front.

SUPTheresaC: That's what I did before I suggested the retention's department.

Matt: Well, you are swell.

SUPTheresaC: I appreciate your trust and confidence on my statement, Matt.

Matt: I will ask one more time if I might be able to speak with a supervisor, I mean, this is this third time I am asking, so I am feeling rather lucky.

SUPTheresaC: My apologies, Matt. However, as for the sales department, I'm the last supervisor on duty.

SUPTheresaC: But if you want to get other supervisor say maybe tomorrow or next day, we will still give one.

SUPTheresaC: We love to have supervisory chats as well so that we are aware of what is happening as well to our customers.

Matt: Of course you are. Strange how that works. Well, thank you so much for pressuring me to look seriously into the wonderful and better qualities offered by the trained seals and aquatic animals that man the phones at Verizon.

Matt: In a word, you are Peachy.

Matt: Hey, are they hiring at Comcast? I mean, obviously, they don't drug test, it must be super to be able to work someplace that supplies clean needles and rolling papers in the employee lounge

SUPTheresaC: Well we have those examination and I can surely say that I'm clean.

SUPTheresaC: But we'll take note of that.

Matt: Take care my new best friend.

SUPTheresaC: You too.

SUPTheresaC: Anything else for tonight, Matt?

SUPTheresaC: Matt?

Matt: No, I really think you have done quite enough. I hope it's OK with you that I post this entire exchange on my blog.

SUPTheresaC: You have all the rights, Matt.

Matt: Great

SUPTheresaC: Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialists 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at http://www.comcastsupport.com.

SUPTheresaC: Would there be anything else for tonight, Matt?

Matt: Well, as I said, whatever it is you are shooting or smoking, I would not mind a hit of it, because it seems to make you compliant and idiotic, two traits I cherish. But seriously, chatting with you has been just a little bit better than brain cancer treatment.

SUPTheresaC: Once again, take care, and enjoy your weekend. Bye for now.

Never enough Santorum

OK, I love me some Rick Santorum. Mostly because I love that his name is Google worthy.

That said, when I saw this advertisement and it said something about Santorum getting all over Iowa, I think I screaming out, "Perfect."

You should too.

Thank you Mr. Santorum, and although you will certainly be out of the race by the time it comes to my state, for me, there will never be enough Santorum for everyone.

The unemployment rate in Traverse City is 12.10 percent

I've got this round

I get email from people who read this blog, sometimes more than others, depends on all sorts of things, vampires, content, dead animals, taking pot shots at republicans, doing pot shots with democrats, that sort of thing. I get emails.

Then I got one this weekend, informing me of a game these college boys have been playing. Seems four guys, all over the age of 21, they promise, have rented a small house in their quaint little college town and they are all working terribly boring jobs for the summer and spending nights drinking and desperately trying to pick up townies, whom they describe as a cross between some sort of zoo animal and a super model, depending on their level of intoxication.

So they all seem to get off work between 5 and 7 PM every evening, they eat crappy food and at some point in the early hours of their night, and they actually said that they do this every evening according to a series of emails, they gather in the living room. One guy sets out some shot glasses and fills them with whatever terrible alcohol is available and another opens a laptop, dials up my blog and everyone sits back. Then they wait. One person begins to read the newest post aloud and everyone waits.

Sometimes they just like the story, that's what they said. Sometimes they hate it. A lecture delivered with no humor. Mostly they wait. Sooner or later, they tell me, a mention of a Tranny will be made and the shots will be downed. It is their very own summer drinking game.

So I read these emails in disbelief. First, I had no idea that I was writing blog posts at all. Then to find out that some actually reference an underworld populated by the ever mysterious tranny, and you can just imagine my shock. Then it dawned on me that these poor college boys, with little to do in their quaint little college town, and almost daily being forced to do a shot when ever the term tranny is mentioned in my blog, well, their lives must be some sort of cheap alcoholic hell.

That said, it was just this afternoon that my car started to give me trouble as I made my way up a nearby incline. I pulled it into the local garage and the mechanic could hear me as I drove in. He yelled over the sound of my engine, "sounds like you have some tranny troubles."

"Oh?" I asked. "Tranny troubles?"

"Yep, that tranny could go any time."

That's when I noticed the dress. Seems the mechanic at my local garage was wearing a nice summer light weight jumper. That's right, my tranny mechanic was indeed, a Tranny...mechanic.

Drink up fellas.

12 year olds should vote

The trash issue

Before I started dating addicts, psychopaths and assorted intellectual bottom feeders, I was lucky enough to kiss some amazing people.

Last night I spoke with my first girlfriend. We have a shorthand and with three words we start laughing uncontrollably. I think the secrets we might keep from one another at this point, need to be kept, otherwise, there is not a lot of distance between us. There has always been a love of one another that has never wavered.

Last night was a wild ride. She is a brilliant and powerful woman and we were both just crawling into each others air space. We plan to do that again. Frequently. There should be an end product. There will be a short video explaining everything. I may have said too much. I think I have said too much. I will delete that last part.

Debt deal

More reasons to hate all elected officials, and I used the term officials much like I use the term fecal matter because I might not want to say poop.

These drama queens in scummy suits did exactly what I predicted, magically coming up with a crappy deal at the last minute. Our incompetent president will somehow spin this as a win, because he negotiated with tea party terrorists and gave them everything they wanted, and now he has a deal.

Republicans, who for an entire Bush administration could not sign off on any debt increase fast enough, held this one up till the last minute to make sure the country paid attention to their game playing. We have over 9 percent unemployment, but that is not important, what is important is cutting entitlement programs to the poor, because god knows, the tax breaks for the richest Americans must be preserved over everything else.

How sad of a day when all the waste of the last decade is laid at the feet of the elderly and diseased.

I am not a political animal. In my lifetime I have never once seen the federal government do anything that personally affected me, except cut road funding that lead to the dirtiest and most unsafe roads possible to ride a bike on. That is it. This is what happens when we elect middle managers to serve in congress. These comb-over idiots with their cheap suits and taste for young boys and prostitutes, all the while remaining true to their family values, are the worst of the worst. No real healthy people want to run for office anymore, so we are stuck with empty suits with dubious motivations.

A smart friend once told me he would never run for policial office because the pay sucks, the hours are long and the media attention would be unwanted. I asked, but what about the possibility of changing the direction of this faltering society, and he looked at me and said, how? We both were silent.

When I first moved to Seattle this hag was running for the senate with a campaign focused as a mom in tennis shoes, as if that would make her some sort of supreme intellect. She won of course and has since been re-elected. She is, by far, one of the stupidest senators in office, and look around, that is quite the accomplishment with the group currently in there now. No, this country is on a slide into the history books as another empire that bit off more than it could handle and all we can do is play the fiddle and watch it burn.

Then there is the letdown presidency of Barack Obama. Such beautiful speeches, but no one bothered to tell him he needed to follow thru. He should have hired Bill Clinton, who could not only give a speech, but he knew that getting the job was just the first 2-3 percent of the gig. The rest of passing legislation, dealing with a congress that hated you, standing up to idiots in both parties and using the bully pulpit to take your case to the public. Obama has failed almost every time out. He has allowed congress to set to goals, he is a follower and he is following a right wing group of teabaggers who could care less about this country.

I'm not pissed off about the debt deal, because much like my elected brethren, I have not yet read it, all I know is these pathetic drama queens could have punched this crappy deal out weeks ago and avoided the "we're at the brink of collapse" bullshit completely. Instead, we get a weeks worth of What If. Here is what I'd like to see. How about some smart people take over for a few years? Yes, I know, people have Bill Clinton because he liked to have sex with women who were not his wife, my lord, let's get over that. He is a smart man who could stand toe to toe with blow hards like Newt Gingrich and get them the shut up. Bring me a Bill Clinton to replace compromise Obama and I might show a slight interest in federal legislation again. Of course, no democrat will challenge the golden one, so we look at the republican gang of imbeciles, closet cases and morons.

I have to go, I packed my fiddle in the attic and I am obviously going to need it, soon.