Spiritual hoo haa

So I made it back to what has become my home, but feels more and more like an art filled prison (more on that later).

When I left on this job and friend visiting adventure I had no clue that it would be this all encompassing journey of not only connections and love but also forcing myself to hear troubling truths about me. If there is one thing I think I avoid like the plague, and for the love of jesus I have not done enough to avoid that either, I avoid hugging people. Upon landing in LA over a week ago and making my way to San Juan Capistrano by way of a sleek and super charged Audi, I hugged an old friend and a new one and all of a sudden it was on. I was going to hug people on this trip whether they appreciated it or not.

Hugging does not break bones or transfer disease, at least that's what I have been told. I have tended to not hug because for the most part of indicated a closeness that was often not existant. The worst experience I have ever had with hugging was a few years ago with this terrible woman in Seattle who had some sort of need to mindlessly hug people no matter how uncomfortable it made them. When she would approach me in her toad-like manner I would stand still, my arms to my side and she would encompass me with her arms, making me a pea in her pod. It was sad and strange and I hated it.

My week of travel and wild times involved me being the one hugging and it was a wild connection. I am lucky to have friends that have lasted almost 40 years, maybe more. As a side note, one of the moments that always seems to bring clarity is when I realize that the psychotics I have dated never seem to have any long term friends, which now has become a standard question on a first date. That and when was the last time you were employed.

I will spend a couple of days trying to cover some of the key points in this space, not because I am a self indulgent narcissist, although that too became a liet motif of this short trip, but that I think there is much to be gained from confronting demons and beating the shit out of them and also from just getting on with things.

It's kind of interesting that about a year ago I discarded Sketchy the addict from our life here and it was such a non-event that I had failed to inform some of my closest friends. On a couple of occasions this past week I was asked about Sketchy and every time I would say, long gone and that was always followed by my friend saying, to the effect, "I never liked Sketchy." This is a strange thing, when friends hate your date but do not tell you. My problem has always been that I do indeed answer that question. People would call me and ask, "so what do you think of Becky?" And I would almost always answer honestly, with something like, I hope she takes birth control, or is she a robot, or something like does she speak? Or infrequently, she is cool, marry her.

Which is the exact way I feel about a friends fiance. In fact, I adore her. She is smart and fun and sexy and she smiles, she smiles a lot which I am not sure if that's the most important thing people can do with their life, but it certainly is one of them. There is confidence in a smile, and also some sort of inner communication leaking out in happiness. She smiles and the world is a better place. We had one of those times together where for whatever reason, the world slowed down just a bit and we connected. Hopefully she will marry my friend and we will all grow old following one another's adventures. Otherwise I will just stalk her from a distance.

So, if you are like the thousands upon thousands who hang on every word on this blog for insight and spiritual hoo haa, hang tight, because last week was nothing if not a roller coaster ride on the happy side of almost everything.