This is how people communicate via Skype

What follows is a recent SKYPE conversation with someone who just started sending me random messages.

mat
hello my name continues to not be lutgarda gonzalez munoz, i am not now, nor have I recently been an online prostitute, although if the current economic conditions continue, it will certainly be in my future plans.

Peter
OKay, dude...Are you back in Pittsburgh?

mat
that much is true

Peter
Mmm, I too have been pondering the sex trade.

mat
except my, not sure what you Americans call it...or armenians, or jews, or what have you.
5 dollah I show you my stinky

Peter
There seems to be such a stasis in private capital, I am having a tough time figuring out how else to get the last of my funding done!
Your memos from the road in CA and Seattle were quite entertaining.

mat
I was never a star trek fan, when you say stasis, does that mean you kill when you shoot your lazer, or stun?
when you mix tequila, pot and sex, I always get my happy on.

Peter
Means that the folks with cash seem encased in carbonite....or at least that's where the cash resides.
So, having random encounters on the road , eh?

mat
And still you speak like Luke Skywalker. I have an idea, lets talk about 5 dollah for a quick view of my stinky.

Peter
My ex-wife Becky (edited), whom you met when we came to Seattle, started stripping every time she had a shot of tequila.
quite reliably

mat
only one on the road, two in hotels, a couple at a friends place, one in a ferry terminal, a few on the planes, 2 or more in a whore house in San Juan Capistrano frequented by the ghost of a former president and a pilot named Shecky.
As it says in the bible, ply the wench with tequila and call the baby the messiah

Peter
SHECKY, EH? I THINK THE BOY HAS HAD A FEW OF MY FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES...THE SLUT!
damn holie books

mat
again, fly united is what the Southwest pilots always seem to say.

Peter
yikes
and yet they eject short skirts

mat
listen, as you know, I am quite busy, with my finger in this dyke and my entire hand in that one, so while I enjoy this completely non-sexual dialog, I just dragged my lazy ass off a cycle and I am sweating like a luke warm israeli pilot about to stop by a strip club in Palestine. I am sure you understand.
What?

Peter
oh okay...

mat
My harem only churns out sons, thousands of them, all bred to be warriors and servants.
and dish washers.

Peter
aah.

mat
and Calvin Klein models.
And you name is?

Peter
It's Peter, dude.

mat
I once knew a transvestite with that name, are you her/him? How is your ding dong, doing ding?

Peter
It's spiffyy. Talked to Margo Flontzmarkhammerstein (edit) the other day and we had a momentary cnv. about you

mat
Sir, Madam, as you can see, my time on this pay as you go contraption has run its course.

Peter
Well, Matty (sadly, unedited), I won't keep you from your masturbatory regimen, I know that constant practice is important.

mat
It pains me that you do not know what you are talking about. My guess, early onset Alzheimers.

Peter
Next time you head to Boston, let me know and I'll drive in from Brattleboro and join you for a nosh.

mat
As it says in the bible, practice does make, no that can't be right.

Peter
Albany works as well.

mat
I would never go to boston, it is a city of bandits, drug addicts and porn addicted lesbians. Actually, now that I think about it, I will be there this weekend.