An ode to mysterious women

On this, National Coming Out Day, it really should not be shocking, nay, for friends, and especially close friends, this will neither not be a surprise, but more a confirmation of a long held belief.

First, I have never had issues with anything gay. I like Michelle Bachmanns “husband” and I think that the fact that our First Lady went out to dinner to celebrate some sort of gay engagement thing, I’m all for it. Gay, if it’s gay, I am all for it. Except in prison, if I am in prison, all of a sudden I am all gangsta.

Seriously. I was serving 10 to life for a crime I basically refuse to talk about, but if you google Spiritual Jesuit Priests who are Excessively Grim you will get the complete confession that ended up clearing me completely. That said, all the while I was in cell block C, I was seriously “gangsta”.

All levity aside, a lot of people have asked me the same question lately, why don’t you write more about the bible? I was in the grocery store yesterday and this skinny little elderly woman came up to me carrying a banana in a rather menacing manner and said, “I read your blog and I don’t like the way you make fun of Christians.”

I told her I never make fun of Christians and asked if her banana was organic and being elderly and malnourished her mind blanked just long enough for me to escape.

Early this morning Professor TMI showed up in full outdoor winter bike gear and demanded I join in a long cold ride. I too have winter bike gear, so I did. I would like to say it was glorious or life affirming, but sadly, it was cold. When I say cold, I mean so cold that the drug dealers just mumbled “A-370” or whatever it is they mumble for whatever it is they were selling.

Here is something people walking do not factor in about insane cyclists. We are creating our own wind chill factor. The faster we ride, the colder we get, at least the parts of our bodies not protected by super modern fabrics that heat the body in even the coldest of weather. Professor TMI is a real cyclist, I am not. I like to ride, sometimes I like to ride hard, but professor TMI rides hard and fast, all the time, in the coldest of weather, in the hottest of weather, hard riding is all the good professor will ride. I just try and keep up.

A couple hours riding the local hills in the 30 degree cold has made me happy to be back in the warmth of my office. There was something important that I was going to share and I seem to have lost that thought completely, allowing myself instead to just blather on, hoping against all hope that it would come back, but I doubt that it will. Oh, there it is.

Yes, my cat is a lesbian. She came out this morning. It was unpleasant because I had kind of thought that she and my lesbian lawyer dog had a thing going on for quite some time, but I thought she was just a Lesbian Until Graduation, something I had only heard about on MSNBC and had not witnessed myself.

Now, I guess I still have not witnessed it, because there she was this morning, laying on the dining room table, smoking a cigarette and reading Gertrude Stein’s autobiography and looking at me like I was the enemy. I knew that meant only one thing.