Gun show

I happened into a gun show this weekend, a first for me. As much as I adore and love weapons of all types, I have never spent a lot of time at gun shows because I don't really like the people who love and cherish weapons.

Then again, I had been judging the book by its cover all these years, because this past weekend, there I was, wandering among the gun nuts and the regular plain old zealots and I noticed that they really were not that different from you or I when it came right down to it. I was feckless and zombielike, because for me, this many men in coveralls and faux baseball caps, chewing tobacco and doing their best to be excessively macho? Kinda screamed super gay to me, which is why I developed a new game at the gun show. Mostly because, after a few minutes admiring other mens well oiled guns, I was bored.

Really, when at a gun show, there is not much to do if you are not madly in love with all things big and hard and explosive. Which is why I developed my new game, which I called, "get people at the gun show to say gay things."

I was looking at an older shot gun and this heavy set gentleman with a large belly and an unkempt beard was explaining the virtues of a quick release and a hairpin trigger. I told him I did not understand how the mechanism worked to make the bullet shoot (pretending to be an idiot, I was) and he said I needed to "cock it back." That was enough for me, and I was off to another table.

A nice young man in a Emile Zarchio T-Shirt and custom Zelini shorts was selling people pistol cleaning equipment and he had a little headset on and a small speaker at the edge of his table. I stood right in front of the table and was almost smiling as he said, "so the key is to put a dab of lube on the end of the brush and swirl it as you stick it in the pistols cylinder."

Exactly.

A fat man in a leather jacket asked me if I was interested in a hand gun. What sort of hand gun I asked back and he opened up a brief case. There were three in there, all a little more lethal than the next. I started to put my hand into the briefcase and he pulled away and said, "no touching the merchandise, these jewels are only for serious professionals."

I think I left the gun show a lot happier than when I went in. In fact, I think a lot of people did, but I'd imagine, we all found our happiness from different places.