The happiest time of the year

A complete stranger stopped me yesterday and said "what's your plan for Turkey Day?"

I must have looked at him like he was speaking Russian, because he repeated it, except he exchanged turkey day with Thanksgiving and all was well. I explained that my tiny little babies have all flown the coop, except one, and she hates me with such passion that we have decided to follow the judges orders and spend all holidays apart.

"Thanksgiving? Is that this week?" I responded to the stranger, because quite honestly, I had no clue. Really, who cares about this holiday anymore? I have been camping out in front of Best Buy for a week now, my internet connect comes via the Starbucks a block away and when there are more than three caffeine heads (that's what me and the other Occupy BestBuy protesters call them, using the WiFi and then we have no service, which is why I have been unable to post incisive and important blog posts for over a month now, that and I broke three of my typing fingers when I was surfing in Southern Malaysia last month while searching for the Loch Ness Monster, found it by the way, not nearly the "monster" everyone talked about. Tasty though.

Where was I? Yes, thanksgiving. Let me tell you this, as a confirmed Native American, and that is true, my ancestors came to America by way of Kansas, so we go way back, and I can tell you, we hold those abuses by the "whiter" men close to our collective hearts. That is why we do not celebrate thanksgiving, it is the white mans holiday. It is the holiday where the white man came and took away our gold, or something like that. That and Valentines Day, god do I hate valentines day. Valentines day, Thanksgiving, Christmas (do not get me started on Christmas). All of these fake holidays, most started by Amazon.Com sometime back in the early 90's to increase sales of Beastie Boy albums back them people sold Albums like cheap bags of weed, speaking of cheap bags of weed, the only way the Occupy BestBuy protesters seem to be able to make money is selling these cheap bags of weed, but because they do not have actual weed, they have been selling some sort of fish food they have been buying in bulk from the Holiday Fish Mart that is next to Best Buy. I have not said anything because they are sharing their profits. In fact, now that I have internet access via the Starbucks machine, and now that I am wired via the Starbucks coffee, I can tell you this, I hate most made up consumerist holidays mostly because they are made up consumerist holidays.

It would not be so bad if this country was not in a giant cesspool of debt and deceit right now. Oh, did you miss the lame attempt by the Super Important Congressional Committee of Incompetent Idiots (SHITHEADS) who were supposed to find ways to cut the debt? Yes, they met for months and at the very last minute, they did what all members of congress are able to do on deadline, nothing. Well, I think they agreed not to burn any flags, which is always good.

This remains a great time to be alive, mostly because the other choices are not so great, death. But look at it this way, my great great grandfather, who was a Native American from Kansas and made his way from the great plains to the west coast via wagon train and could only use dial up to get on the internet never dreamed of flying to the state of Palestine, or even imagined a state of Palestine for that matter and if he did, he would have wondered where the Jews were living, he was that kind of guy, then again, he only had dial up, because he was in a wagon train for gods sake. Now, he is long gone, as are most of my Native American family members, which is why I am spending Thanksgiving with my lesbian lawyer, doing exactly what we did last year, completing a tunnel into the federal reserve and stealing this countries supply of gold bricks. It's the American Way.