Jealous much?

We accidentally had a bunch of people join us for thanksgiving yesterday, actually that is not true. Plus, we broke some American rules so today we have been sitting here pretending to clean our guns, but in all actuality we are preparing for a visit from the Feds. That is what happens when you do not serve Turkey on thanksgiving. It does, I've seen it on the news.

Anyway, let me get to the key thing for todays post, because I am exhausted from staying out all night, I slept at Best Buy so I could buy me a giant screen TV set. For the past 50 years we have had the same TV set, a small black and white with no picture and very little sound. It only works on Tuesday afternoons and sometimes not even then.

So we had an early dinner, sometime around 11 AM and my daughter and I set our motorhome in front of the entrance at Corn-o-Copia, a store that only sells items made from butter, which makes the name of the store a little misleading and for that, I believe it will soon go out of business. That said, we did not feel guilty parking in front of the stores doors. We recently purchased this 85 foot motorhome on Ebay for 17 dollars from an out of work union worker in Detroit. People are always complaining about the terrible times in Detroit, but you really have to look at the bright side of all things and soon enough, you too will have a brand new 85 foot motorhome all to yourself.

Before we get to the adventure that is America on Black Friday, let me tell you about our dinner. See, this year, unlike last year, it was just me and this girl. Last year it was me and a pilot and some girls. Oh my, that sounds like a porn movie. Last year it was anything but a porn movie, but it did involve a super sexy pilot and some girls and a turkey. This year, a roasted chicken and my youngest daughter, who for the sake of this story we will call Beth. The key aspect of this story, and I am almost done, so put your syringe down for just a second, we made mashed potatoes.

You are thinking, mashed potatoes? Seems like I have had mashed potatoes myself. That may be true, blog reader, but you have never had mashed potatoes this good, because yesterday Beth and I made the best mashed potatoes in the history of mankind. Accidentally.

Here is what happened. I put the roasting chicken in the pot, surrounded it with some pepper and potatoes and sausage and onion. Slid it into the over and every 15 minutes I brushed it with a mixture of butter and garlic. After a couple of hours the chicken was cooked, the potatoes were soft and we pulled the entire mess from the oven. In the meantime, Beth had boiled some potatoes as a way to make her own version of mashed potatoes. While removing the chicken from the roaster, I tasted one of the potatoes that had cooked in the broth of the chicken and it was what I would imagine a coke head tastes the first time they get that first high from cocaine. I believe I screamed out, "Beth, or whatever I am calling you today, put aside those potatoes, I have created something devine."

I had too, by accident. The garlic butter, the onion, the sausage and the potatoes has somehow mixed in perfect harmony into something so perfect, so utterly amazing that we immediately threw away the chicken, the salad, the pork loin and the gold bricks and sat on the floor of the kitchen and ate like starving pigs all the mashed potatoes we could muster. It was sublime.

It was in a series of idiotic words, the best thanksgiving in the history of all thanksgivings.

We left the mess on the floor, drove our outrageously large motorhome to the Corn-o-copia parking lot and parked. Then we fell asleep and woke up about 15 minutes ago, missing all opportunity to purchase any sort of electronic device, from TV sets to yapping battery operated dogs.

Still, we ate what can only be considered the best mashed potatoes in the history of all mankind, something you and all your friends can not say.