Debt collectors

Why, just right now I am being visited by our Chinese overlords and I have to say, they are much nicer than I imagined.

See, in college I loaned a "friend" 20 dollars. A couple of days later, I saw him at a party and I said "hey "friend" you have that 20 I lent you." He was all drunk and stuff and I believe he told me to stuff it, because this was a long time ago, before rap and short dresses ruined the country and people said terrible things to one another. I imagine if the same thing happened now I would approach my so-called friend and request my 20 dollars and he would say, "was up, you want me to glock in your ass?"

Times change. The point is, of course, often times when you loan people money out of the goodness of your heart and then they force you to become some sort of shyster just to get the money back that they were kind enough to loan you. Does that make sense? Because over months of be begging and cajoling, I never did get that 20 dollars back.

Now, if you follow the global politics like I do, and chances are you have a happy and productive life, so why bother, right? But I do, and I can tell you this, China was nice enough to lend up a few TRILLION dollars and my sense is, pretty soon, they want it back, and while we may still be stupid drunk frat boys at a party, the threat of a glock in their tiny little Chinese asses is not really going to bother them, much.

Where was I? Oh, our Chinese overlords have sent some of their lovely children, oh hang on a second.

Dear Chinese Overlords,
Special Bulletin.
From-American caring for your young and wonderful children.
First, they remain safe and well fed, and in some cases, insanely well fed.
I am just stopping this blog post to thank you and keep me and my children in mind when you take over our once powerful country.
In our decadence we have lost our souls, that much is obvious.
So please be kind to those of us who, with supreme kindness and complete respect, took tim eout of our not so busy schedules to care and feed you super smart and productive children.
Thank you.

Now, again, where was I?

Oh, yes, well, the Chinese have sent spies, I mean children, to visit and we have a house full right now as I write this. I am hiding in my bedroom, a good two floors above the mayhem.

For what it's worth, I have to say, the Chinese appear to be good people and when they do come to collect their trillions of debt and all we have to offer is a couple of trailers in West Virginia and Lindsay Lohan, and then in their anger they take over everything, from TV news shows on Fox to the Ford Motor Company.

I for one will welcome it. Do you hear me my all powerful overlords? I said, I will welcome it when your well dressed debt collectors come and take the country. I have no special tie to America, in fact, in many ways, I am turning Chinese, I think I'm turning Chinese, I really think so.

Again, thank you for this chance to mingle with your teenage children. If there is one thing I have learned from your culture that seems to translate to my culture, it is this, in every language, a parent must learn to say, "turn that fucking music off, if music is even the right word for that garbage..."