The homo texts

About a year ago I had to tell a friend that his behavior was kind of scary and that I thought he should maybe find another family to adopt.

This friend, who I will call my Homo Friend, took it well.

A little history, Homo Friend presented himself as a nice enough guy, and as we got to know one another, I would get these super friendly texts, asking how my day was, or how the dog was or something like that. Homo Friend is incapable of depth, so everything always centered around something simple, new cartoon shows, how anything "was" and asking if I had a date or something. Simple stuff.

As our friendship seemed to grow, the texts grew in volume. I would wake to 2 or 3 texts describing a movie Homo Friend had seen, or a party Homo Friend had attended. As we became closer, I would get descriptions of dates that Homo Friend had been on, at first in only general terms, "had a wonderful date tonight" and then, over the months, "hot sex with a twink" or something like that.

For whatever reason, possibly because Homo Friend does not have a blog, the texts were Homo Friends way of keeping me posted on daily life. The problem was and remains, I am not interested in the vast majority of Homo Friends daily life.

Once I started to get the gay sex updates I realized that I could not continue with the constant texts. At first I told Homo Friend that his texts would come at all hours of the day and my phone would buzz or beep, waking me at 3 AM to learn that Homo Friend had again met some amazing man who was probably the one. Of course, with Homo Friend, at 3 PM the amazing man was history, a stained t-shirt and a distant memory.

I did learn a lot about the transient and shallow nature of Homo Friends lifestyle. Now, do not get me wrong or begin right now composing emails telling me I am both homophobic and hateful to the gay lifestyle and all sorts of other silliness. I am Homo Friend phobic and I am not impressed with his transient/hookup at any cost lifestyle, but that is his choice in life, not all gays, not healthy gays anyway.

Anyway, around this time last year I texted Homo Friend, because that really is the only way to communicate with him, and I said the constant texting needed to stop. Of course, he misread this, thinking the late night-early morning texting needed to stop. So midafternoon airport bathroom hookups could still be documented, as would his photos taken on his phone and shared with his contact list, those too kept being shared.

It took another month or two before I again confronted Homo Friend and said, please I can not stand the constant texts with the shallow updates. This one sank in, because if there is one thing Homo Friend feared more than late night rejections, it was being called on his shallowness. Quickly I was removed from the barrage of texts and text photos. Soon, my phone was silent and I began to love the peace. Homo Friend had long ceased to be interesting and once the daily updates disappeared so did my interest in all things Homo Friend.

Our friendship fizzled and as is the plight of a Homo Friend, he moved on to other people with smart phones and a need to hear about online hookups, airport hookups, late night club hookups and college dorm hookups. I was out of the loop and could not have been happier.

I have not heard in any form from Homo Friend for over 10 months and I have to say, until I started writing this post, I had not thought much about him.

Recently I was interviewed for a study on brain damage and the doctor who spoke to me happened to be gay. We had a nice talk and he mentioned something about an extra ticket for a show that was produced in a downtown theater. Of course I could go, I said. I gave the good Gay Doctor my cell and told him to call or text and I would meet at the theater the next day.

As I was walking to my car I got a text, telling me how nice it was to meet. Over the next few hours I got many texts, looking forward to the show, a link to the productions website, a question about whether I could meet earlier for a drink, possibly dinner. The texts came at a furious pace. For the most part my response was no, no drinking, no meeting, no website, no no no no.

Into the night the texts kept coming.

After the play the texts kept coming. Gay Doctor had one thing in common with Homo Friend, an almost addictive need to continually update and text for no reason other than the ability to text.

This went on until last night. I was preparing to pass out and my phone, sound turned off, kept buzzing. It was Gay Doctor, texting away with concepts and plans, news and events, scores and show openings. Would I be interested in this, that, something else.

Finally I got up, grabbed my phone, and wrote a simple text, please stop, I am ill and your constant texting is making me poop.

Not a response. Nothing this morning, maybe nothing ever again.

Which would be fine with me. As much as Gay Doctor is much more interesting that Homo Friend, the need to update me with almost hourly reports on rather uninteresting lives is problematic, to say the least. Now, I am not so sure this is a gay thing, because quite honestly, I am often walking around downtown and people on a daily basis walk into me because their heads are down, focused on their screens, texting important messages to people who can not wait to read that their friend is walking to lunch.

I know, this is the world we live in. I accept that. But, like the loud outdoor cellphone speakers who either think their conversations are worthy of everyone's attention, or they are deaf and yelling into their phone is the only conversation they are capable of, but for the life of me, our society is moving quickly into insane times solely based on over communication of the most inane details. Homo Friend was a banal and shallow sex addict, which meant that his texts were at least salacious. Gay Doctor was just lonely, which meant that in his willingness to befriend, he became obnoxious. I miss the days prior to cell phones, where when you saw your friend you could sit and have a drink and get caught up. Now, I get constant updates on aspects of lives I have no interest in.

There is a solution to this. If more people just led more interesting lives, I would welcome the text updates. But once you have read about the latest traveling Broadway production coming to town, or the super hot guy someone has just met, it all becomes a blur of too much information. I have an idea, do something fascinating and then text me a sentence about the shuttle flight, or the cure for cancer or something of substance, because your personal life should remain just that, personal.