Cleaning up

I hear you, yes I do. I got the emails, you readers are fed up with angry and bitter married men who are not getting enough sex from their wives. Enough already.

Except this, one of the previous angry and bitter married men re-emailed me. He was a little upset that I said people who use the losers way out get what they deserve. Oh, the losers way out is a game many men play, where in the midst of an argument, say after the wife found someone elses panties in the car, and when the angry bitter man finally admits to a diversion now and then, he follows up everything with, "well, you never asked if I was fucking around."

I believe my response to this sort of reasoning was correct. Only sleaveballs use this defense because it kind of clears the way for them to do whatever it is they want. Is the partner of scummy people supposed to have a list of questions whenever you walk into the apartment? "Sleep with anyone today, and when I say sleep with, I mean screw."

It is the con artist/addict way of survival, because if you have been in a relationship for longer than a few weeks, at some point, you want to trust your partner and not need to constantly ask those sorts of questions. Of course, the con artists and addicts know this. For them, my sense is, they wait until trust has been secured, knowing full well that even if you begin to ask direct questions, they will always answer with, "but don't you trust me? I trust you."

Hah I say.

I once went out with someone for a couple of months and everything was going super, until I discovered 5 email accounts. I did not break into these accounts, mostly because I did not have the password, but my sense was (and it was proven to be correct) anyone with a larger number of active email accounts is playing someone, and once your partner/lover/friend is playing someone, at some point they will include you in their game. That much I know.

Here is my recommendation, even for the conners and the addicts, just be honest. Imagine if you told someone on the first date that every relationship you have had involved you sleeping with others, not because of an excessively high libido, but because you are a neurotic mess and the only way you can satisfy your need for love and acceptance is to pick strangers up and have unsafe sex with them. See, my sense is that there are plenty of people, upon hearing those words, would say, "why you sound like a nice honest guy, let's get married."

So, I recommend to all you married men who send me emails and demand the right to use the "but you never asked" defense, sit down with your wife, your lover, your partner, your prostitute and your latest trick, and tell them all the truth. Start with, you may want to get an STD screening, that always makes people comfortable.

I have had a couple of emails from women who basically said the exact opposite of the men, something to the effect that they could not live with the concept that their husbands have to be asked direct questions about everything just to make sure they would not use the "but you never asked" defense. I have no advice for you women. I am sorry. Addicts and con artists have a need to damage people, I am pretty sure they do not understand it either. You should not have to constantly be asking someone you are committed to if the relationship that started out monogamous is now open, and when did that happen. No one should live that life, but judging by the email (especially the men who justify it because their wife is no longer "interested") there are plenty of these neanderthals around.