My name is Elvis

The woman at the front reception area told us that it would be about 10 minutes before we could get a table, such is the problem with hip and trendy restaurants. First dates are stressful enough, there may be nothing worse than the 10-15 minute wait for a table. In my experience, those ten minutes can lead to an end of a date faster than, say, getting hit by a car.

The chirpy little person said she would get us once the table is ready and we could grab a drink in the bar while we wait. All that was fine, then she said something to the effect that if I gave her my name, she would come find me. "Elvis, my name is Elvis," I said.

Saying those five words can ruin or make an evening. My date looked at me like I may be insane, breaking out the Elvis thing on a first date almost always dooms it. It is just so hard to explain. My date saddled up to me and said, "Your dad a fan of the king?"

So, at least the date was going to be OK.

The Elvis story.

A long time ago I was just tired of being paged as Matt. I like my name, but come on, if we are going to make some 18 year old girl walk through a crowded bar saying something, we might as well make it entertaining. I tried out a few names, for a while when someone would ask for a name I would just say "Jesus" and smile.

So we end up back in the bar, grab a small table and order a couple glasses of wine. "So, tell me about Elvis."

I explain that I was born a woman, and my father always wanted a boy, and if he had a boy, he would have named him Elvis because my father grew up living two houses down from poor stupid little boy Elvis, who grew up to be the best entertainer in the history of the world, or something. The date looked at me like I really might be insane. No, I was not born with female parts. Hah, it was a joke then, yes? Of course. So why Elvis? Jesus caused too many issues. Although I have been known to quote obscure bible references (oranges are evil, according to the bible) I am not expert on religion. You get paged as Jesus and you can bet someone will stop you and ask a question. Elvis on the other hand, men look at you as if you are one lucky son of a bitch and women, honestly this part is true, women check you out head to toe.

Wine gone and magically, the sprite from the reception area is standing next to our table, my date and I grab one anothers hands, she says, "Evis, your table for two is ready."