Porn and the people who like it

"Hi, I was just wondering what you take is on porn."

You want to know what I think of porn? Wait, there was more to your letter.

"Do you think people in a normal relationship should engage in viewing porn?"

Is that really your question? Seriously? First, how do you define "normal"?

Wait, there was more to your letter.

"My boyfriend of over 3 years likes to watch porn, I do not. He says it gets him excited, but I thought I did that. I am confused, is porn cheating? Should I be worried? What should I do?"

First, I am not big on porn, it just does not always make sense to me. You would not believe how many times I have ordered pizza and when the delivery man comes, all I get is pizza.

That said, your boyfriend of over 3 years seems, what's the word I am looking for, umm, normal? Yeah, that's it.

I emailed you back, but like so many other letter writers, you really don't want a dialog. My question to you is, do you masturbate? If so, do you have any toys? OK. Here is the deal, men masturbate and don't use toys, god was nice enough to attach one for us, all we have to do is wake it up. How do we do that? Some of us just think impure thoughts and some of us look at porn, or bra ads from Sears catalogs from the 60's or, really, it does not take much.

So, if I were your boyfriend, and I am pretty sure I am not, but if I was, I would be honest about why I look at porn and tell you that you are not the end all of my sexuality. You are not in competition with the porn. Think of it this way, your boyfriend has a car, yes? And when he is driving his car, does he ever look at other cars and say something like, "damn, I wish I was driving that car?" Men like to lust, women do too, but men are less guarded about it. We look at butts, and breasts and cars and porn. We look, it is what we like to do.

So what should you do? Maybe join in on some porn watching. I don't know. Is it normal? Who cares? Normal is what is normal for you two, and if he is a porn guy, then guess what? Watching porn is totally normal for him.

If I have ever learned anything, and these days that is a great big giant question, one thing I have learned is that people will do what they have always done. If your boyfriend was watching porn when you met, he will continue it. If he was cruising for chicks online, he will continue it. People change, but in small increments.

My suggestion, pick your battles and trust me, porn is not worth the battle. He likes it, it does not hurt anything, you did not mention he was not being sexual with you or that he was comparing you to the fake boobs and non-existent orgasms of the women in porn, no, he watches it, and sometimes he gets all excited and has wild porn driven sex with you and sometimes he gets all excited and has wild porn driven sex with himself. Case closed.

Unless he is watching gay porn, if that's the case, email me back. Oh, and have him email me too.