Good times

"My husband is in the Army and stationed in Afghanistan. We can Skype, but not very often. We have been married 3 years. We are both in our early 20s. During his last leave we were together for a week. I love him very much and I think he loves me. I think I am pregnant and I can not be sure it is his. Any advice?"

This is an unedited letter I got last week.

I did not email back and I have been tempted to not answer because I am just so lost.

First, I never understand anyone getting married in the 20's. Ever. Teens should never be allowed to get married and people in their 20's should have to pass some sort of mental and physical exam before being allowed to marry.

That said, I am a big believer in following through with promises. So, letter writer, you claim to be married, and I am guessing that at some point in your ceremony you made some sort of vow, which probably had some verbiage referring to be loyal, or something.

My guess is the reason your writing is to figure out who to tell the truth to. First, partners in all forms deserve honesty, all the time. In every single relationship I have ever been involved in I was tempted to have sex with someone other than my partner. When I was younger, 20's being what I consider to be younger, I could never pull off the whole monogamy thing. Even when I pretended to be monogamous, I was not.

This is why I did not get married in my 20's. This is why you should not have married either.

Someone deserves a lot better person that you. I am guessing it is your husband, mostly because he is in a war zone, facing all sorts of threats and you can not be bothered to honor a commitment that I am guessing your husband feels entitled to, since he is in a foreign land where he is not really welcome. So, what do you do knowing this? Oh, heck, you screw someone back home.

If that was part of your agreement with your husband, you know, you get an itch, you find someone to scratch it, then more power to you, but the tone of your email seems to suggest that you do not have such an arrangement.

You do not mention how pregnant you are.

My advice, go ahead and get a divorce.

Oh, and grow up. First, stop having unprotected sex until you are mature enough to be a mother. Second, don't get married to someone who will not be around to scratch your itch, or have an agreement that you and he can do whomever you feel like. Or something like that. But mostly, just stop.

I have a terrible headache and your immaturity and dishonesty to your relationship is not making me feel better.