A sketchy letter

"I read your blog and I have been paying special attention to your posts regarding Sketchy The Addict. As a recovering alcoholic I wanted to say sometimes you are a bit brash with your opinion, but it also seems like "Sketchy" is a sad case with a lot of demons, so maybe Sketchy deserves it. I am writing because my partner, he's a man, I'm a woman, does this mean thing to me. I do not drink anything with alcohol in it, it is part of my recovery. He, on the other hand, can drink and does. Sometimes after work, he will stop and have a couple of beers with his friends and generally after such times he comes home and wants to have sex. I like having sex with my partner, but the smell of beer on his breath drives me crazy, and not the good kind of crazy. I have told him I would appreciate it if he came home, showered and brushed his teeth, but he refuses to do that. I could withhold intimacy until he does, but I like to think of myself as good to go, and I do like being with him, sexually. I am not sure if what he is doing is mean, intentional or just a guy with a buzz being horny. Suggestions?"

First, congratulations to you for being clean and sober. Not to belittle the Sketchy the Addict idiocy, but he is both not clean, not sober and not recovered.

That said, your "partner" is kind of a dick.

That said, I like that you are good to go. If more people in relationships had your attitude, I am guessing there would be more people in relationships. I have a bunch of letters from people, both men and women, who have partners who have just stopped being interested in sexing it up. So, good for you for being into it.

So, you have talked with beer drinking partner about your discomfort with drinking and coming home smelling like a brewery and wanted to do the hetro nasty. You do not want to stop being sexual with beer drinking partner just because he won't listen to your discomfort. He won't respect your wishes.

I don't know. How about you are both at fault. See, you have told him you would appreciate a clean plate when you sit down for your sex dinner thing, jesus that metaphor did not work at all, but I am too lazy to edit. You both seem rather passive and aggressive, which is very typical of both a clean and sober person and an dick who drinks and refuses to at least brush his teeth.

Since you are not willing to play games with the sex, which I admire, and he is unwilling to clean up after a bar binge, you got me. Try garlic. He calls on his way home, says he is heading to the bar, start eating massive amounts of garlic. When he comes home, plant a big kiss right on his drunken lips. See if he likes the garlic. Negotiate from there.

If that does not work, maybe it's time for you to just admit this battle is not yours to win. In relationships we always have to face that fact. Sometimes something important to us is just not that important to our partner, and in your case, it sounds like the hotness is more important than the smell of beer.

I could never sex it up with a smoker, I would not be able to get past the smell. You have no issue like that with beer. Probably time for you to let it go.