Get tested

Well, I finally got the email that I have been kind of expecting. See, at some point I started answering questions on this blog, much to my own frail mental safety. All of a sudden people began sending me sad tales of relationship problems. For the most part, I do not respond to emails and the more interesting questions or problems, I just post in here.

One of the things I remind people of is that if you are sexually active, you might want to keep your doctor on speed dial. STD's are rampant, especially in the super sexual people, those craigslist hookup junkies, or my gay friends cruising gay hookup sites.

Todays sad, but sadly real, letter was long and full of explanations, but I edit, and here is what you, dear blog reader, get: "I read with interest a recent post of yours, where a writer found his lovers open web browser and found his lover was online, looking for online sex, or real time sex from an online site. It got me thinking, I did some snooping, found the same thing happening with my LTR and immediately, thought I have to get tested."

On and on it went, trust me, I know more about these two homo's than their respective mothers and knowing homo's as well as I do, that is saying a lot.

Somewhere near the end of the letter he wrote about his broken heart, how his trust had been violated, how the test will be the end of the relationship. I did not write back.

In the gay world, well, in every world, committed relationships almost always contain a no-hookup clause. Especially in a gay relationship, that means that both parties will not be doing the homo-nasty with other homo's, even though it is readily available on about a million sites, including Craigslist sites around the world. Why do the homo's do this? My guess is that they want to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, because quite honestly, STD's can fuck up your day. Or kill you, depends which one you get.

So you commit. You promise. You make plans. You buy a house, rent a dog and plan for a long life together. Then you find an open web browser, you check the history because you have some free time, and you find this wonderful person you are so committed to is just as committed to meeting complete strangers and engaging in unprotected sex, often.

My email writing reader was nice enough to explain his relationship, what he thought was his relationship, and what he thinks about psychotic gay men in general (the people who hook up and engage in dangerous sex) and psychotic gay men he has been dating (the boyfriend who was hooking up and engaging is dangerous sex). See, when we commit to people, what we are doing is telling them and the world that the relationship will mean something and every individual gets to define that. In my world, committing to someone means being monogamous, but I know many people who do not agree to those terms and as adults, they are allowed to make those decisions. Except I keep getting emails from people who believe like I do, and at some point, their psycho partners changed the rules without cluing them in.

First, let me run with this. You realize, you readers, that looking at someones picture on a hookup site, emailing them, complementing them, setting up a meeting, probably at their apartment (since your apartment has a boyfriend of yours living there) and driving to the hookups apartment, well, you do realize that you could just get killed by a gay hating online stalker, right? Or you could get robbed, right? Or you could pick up a curable STD and give that to your lover, yes? Or you could pick up an even worse STD and share that too? So, you put all that in your head and you still are running out for easy sex? Got it. I would imagine that calling such actions suicidal would be politically incorrect?

I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out the inner workings of others relationships. I gave up trying to figure out what works for others and what does not, because individuals get to define all of that for themselves. What has been frustrating me about these letters is how many people are being sold one bill of goods in the relationship aisle, only to find out that without knowing about it, what they bought had a throw out date attached.

Believe it or not, I am a big supporter of open relationships, mostly because I think adults like change. More importantly, I am a big believer in honesty. See, if my blogger reader/letter writing person would have had a dialog with his lover and they both agreed on cruising for hot flesh online was OK, then I would never have received his outraged email. Instead, his lover changed the rules, fooled around and gave him a disease. There, the fish is out of the pond, long term relationship psycho game his unsuspecting lover an STD, a curable STD, but in the long run, curable diseases are still diseases.


Anyway, letter writer got tested. Which really is the bottom line. One of the things you think you get to avoid when you get married, or form a committed relationship, is those frequent trips to the doctor to get examined and tested. One of the things that psychos in relationships seem to do is break those rules, and that means non-knowing, innocent partners get to find out on their own A- they have been dating a psychotic liar and B- the test results come back positive.

Now letter writing blog reader, you are going to write me another email and ask what to do with the psycho hook up scum bag you were committed to. That one I will answer in a private email, because (trust me on this one) I know this territory and I have some suggestions.