Breaking news - Ninja problems

The greater Pittsburgh area has been contending with a very annoying ninja infestation lately. If you've ever had a ninja problem yourself, you know that they're really hard to get rid of, and if you see one, you can be sure there's hundreds more where he came from.

The most recent outbreak occurred when a sword-wielding ninja was spotted breaking into eleven cars by a man named Santino Guzzo. When Guzzo confronted him, the ninja "tried to stab him." Guzzo was packing heat, however, and drew his gun. That sent the ninja running off into the cover of darkness, yet he still somehow managed to "break the rear window of Guzzo's car as he ran off."

Guzzo said he chased the man, who did not move with the grace typically associated with a ninja.

"He was like a gazelle that just got attacked by a lion," Guzzo said. "He got up and fell, and got up and fell. Then he jumped off a cliff."

Less than two weeks prior, Ross Hurst, a resident of Scottdale (less than hour south of Pittsburgh), had left his four-year-old son sleeping alone at home — when police picked him up at 1:30 am allegedly "pretending to be a ninja."

Police insist Hurst was dressed all in black and "playing ninja" when they confronted him. They said Hurst claimed his [separated wife] was babysitting, but she told police she wasn't.

"Oh, it was a big misunderstanding. I wasn't playing ninja," said Hurst. "I wasn't playing anything. I went out for a jog. I told the cops that, but they didn't believe me. It was a mistake. I'm not disputing that.

Hurst is being held on child endangerment charges. Duh. Ninjas and children don't mix.