Patron saint

A couple of years ago my dad, deep into retirement, purchased one of those extra large pickup trucks. When he pulled up to my house he looked tiny inside the cab of the monster. He honked the deep horn and my children ran over to see this strange and awesome sight.

I just thought he liked trucks, until a couple of summers ago he bought a rock star trailer. I am not sure how big it actually is, but I am pretty sure it has more square footage that my house, garage and most of the front yard combined. He had a plan, he was going to hit the road. His life long dream, touring the highways of America. Well, if memory serves me correct, his life long dream was to divorce my mother and marry a woman who owned a collection of liquor stores along the coast. He then could spend his days driving from one to the other, making sure everything was just right.

Last summer I drove to Northern California, a small town, I forget the name, Rio something, Rio Linda maybe, along the shores of the Sacramento River. He had driven the big truck and the extra large trailer and found a place that rented enough space for both, with water and power hookups included. He seemed happy to see me and a little surprised.

We ended up going out for dinner, pizza and beer. He is a larger man, maybe too many beers over a lifetime and not enough long walks, but we all make choices. He seemed happy. It was quiet there and I think that is what he wanted most. There was a time when he and I, alone eating pizza with few distractions, may have been awkward, but over the last few years we have come to realize in our differences, we are much the same.

He asked me how things were at home. I told him the kids are growing up.

Me; The kids are growing up.

Him; They do that.

Me; It seems so fast. Just yesterday they were in diapers.

Him; Just yesterday you were in diapers.

Me; How did you know that.

Him; (smiling) I have my ways. Life is short son, it goes very fast.

Me; I am getting that idea.

Him; Are you happy?

Me; Not even sure what that means any more.

Him; Kids seem to make you happy.

Me; Happy and crazy.

Him; You were already crazy.

Me; Crazier.

Him; Hard to imagine.

Me; Look at you with the one liners.

Him; I have time to think, out here, alone.

Me; You thinking it might be time to date?

Him; Doubt your mother would appreciate that.

Me; True. Then again, she is not big on appreciation.

Him; True.

Me; You remember when Grandpa was in the hospital.

him; Hard to forget.

Me; I wanted to ask him some questions, but he was not forthcoming.

Him; He never was.

Me; Fathers rarely are.

Him; What's that mean?

Me; Oh, I don't know. As a father myself now, I see I am walking a fine line, I have to rule the nest, enforce some discipline and still, I want to be approachable and loving.

Him; Not sure what you mean. Sound more like a power hungry king.

Me; Your generation was different.

Him; Same process though, trying to raise kids to be good adults.

Me; That was it?

Him; Yes. Maybe smart adults, but for that I led by example.

Me; (Smiling) On that we might disagree.

Him; Are you smiling?

Me; Led by example?

Him; Think about it. I worked hard to provide food and shelter for you.

Me; But not a moment to play catch.

Him; You may need to let that go. We are never everything to everyone. You are a man now, you see it is not easy to balance everything.

Me; I am barely a man and still, the balance thing is harder than ever.

Him; It's not like I raised you in caveman days.

Me; Seemed like it.

Him; You're funny.

Me; As are you.

Him; Funnier perhaps.

Me; Is this a competition?

Him; Isn't everything for you?

Me; What's your plan here? Do you live in the trailer now? I thought you were touring the country.

Him; I just needed to get away from your mother.

Me; Hey, she might be my mother, but she's your wife.

Him; In name only.

Me; Seriously?

Him; Might be time to divorce her, I would, but I feel like she would just shrivel and die.

Me; She is kind of already shriveled.

Him; Oh she would love to hear that, why don't you call her and mention that you consider her to be shriveled.

Me; You have a phone?

Him; I bet there is no way you would call her. (Handed me a cell).

Me; How much is the bet?

Him; Seriously? One hundred dollars. You're mother will kill youif you tell her she is, what was it, shriveled?

Me; One hundred it is.

Him; You won't do it. I would like the hundred in small bills please.

Me;(dialing) How well do you know me. (Into the phone). Mom? Yes, I am calling on dads phone, how did you know? You have caller ID? Why? That is just stupid. No, everything is fine. Pizza and beer. Why is that funny? Yes, I am calling for a reason. I want you to know that in my eyes you have begun to shrivel. I said shrivel. Yes. OK, I love you too. (handing phone back).

Him; You called her?

Me; I did.

Him; And you really told her she is shriveling?

Me; Did you not hear me?

Him; And what did she say?

Me; She asked if you put me up to calling her and I said yes.

Him; And?

Me; She said you were, I believe the term she used was, asshole.

Him; So I will be staying here for a while I guess.

Me; I guess so.