Letters, more and more letters

Matt, I have an itch I can't scratch.

Sadly, more and more people write to me with that exact issue.

Matt, there once was a man from Nantucket.

That much is clear.

Hi, I have a question for you. When my husband and I are engaged in sex, sometimes he has a very angry expression on his face. He says he is not mad, but sometimes it is intense and scary. What is going on?

For whatever reason your husband is disgusting and makes me sick.

Matt-I work at a zoo. Recently one of the giraffes, a male, has started to crane his neck and put his nose in a female giraffes private area and he waits and then she pees on his face. I talked to one of the staff zoologists who said this is part of their natural breeding ritual, but for me, it's disgusting. What is your take on this?

While disgusting, it is also natural and to be honest, from what I hear from the Water Sports animals I know, kind of fun. Plus, this is the exact same technique I used to know when it was time to make a baby. How else would you know?

Mat (one T is sexy) - Can you please edit your comment section. A couple of times I have found myself reading them and then someone posts something obscene or unnatural and it traumatizes me. Please, just edit them.

No. Well, first, point me in the direction of the nasty and obscene ones. Then, no, I don't edit comments. Unless they are mean towards me, cause I am shallow that way.

Hi, any suggestions on a good place for a Lent dinner?

Seriously? Are you serious?

Matt- Much more Houdini. Anyone who calls you at 2AM and bothers you has got to be worth a few more posts. Can you call him and just write what you talk about? The post with Houdini is by far my favorite and I think I have read all your blog posts. More please.

Yes, I am interviewing Houdini on almost a daily basis. Soon enough he will be the sole focus of this blog. Just you wait and see.

Matt - What's the story with weddings?

Here is something I have witnessed a few times, the first time it was funny, but now, it makes me mad. OK, so the best man stands up to give a speech and he pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read, "so and so is a great man, a man who gives money to charity, a man who cares about his community, a man who loves deeply and is loved and a man with an extra long (looking at the groom), whats this word, I can't reading your writing."
See, it's funny, but only one time in a lifetime. Then it is moronic. So, best men out there, cut it out. If I see this stunt one more time, I am going to lose it.