Tranny mess

Well, as most of you have guessed already, over the past few weeks I have been going through a series of medical, what's the word I'm looking for, medical explorations? Sure, that will work. A few weeks of medical explorations in the attempt to make me better, stronger and more alluring.

See, in 2010 I went to a spiritualist who sat me down and changed my life. She said, well I thought the spiritualist was a she, but later standing next to him/her at the urinal I realized I could not have been more wrong. He/she said that there would be big changes in my life in 2011. I was so excited because at the time, the only change in my life at the time was socks. I had purchased a large quantity of socks on the black market, which is not known for its sock collection, but I found a dealer who sold nothing but decent quality athletic socks and if anyone knows me, they would certainly attest to my addiction to athletic socks.

So there I was, sitting at a small table with a rather large man who was promoting the fact he was a woman, telling me I was due for "major changes" in 2011. Then 2011 rolled around and all I could think of was how I was due for major changes. The first few weeks of 2011 brought nothing of substance in the change department.

I waited until week three. Nothing. So I called my doctor and said, "doctor, I need me a vagina." And so it began, my 2011 major change cycle. First things first, when I told my doctor I needed a vagina, my sense was that he would try and set me up on a blind date with one of the young nubile waitresses, I mean nurses, that work under him, and when I say under, I think you know what I mean.

That was not to be. A couple of days after my call to my doctor a FedEx truck stopped in front of my palatial estate in the ghetto and dropped off a package. It's true, faster than you can say Ipad shipment from China, I was hold a box with a new vagina in it.

Thus my journey from hairy backed Jew to, well, vagina wielding modern woman was well underway. Now, because I have terrible health insurance, I was forced to do the rest of the procedure by myself, which has meant that over the past few weeks I have been doing more steroids than Barry Bonds did when he hit 75 million home runs. I bought the steroids from the hooker who works under the bridge near my home. She was sure they were top quality and if anyone knows how to get the most out of their vagina, I am pretty sure it is our local hooker.

That said, the surgical part of the transition was the toughest. Not a lot of people know this, but my ex almost made it through medical school in Bosnia. She moved here with a degree in beasts and other illness. So I asked Dr. Libitard is she knew how to install a vagina, and she said, almost immediately, "I ain't no what you speak." The surgery then scheduled, I was told to pick out some "pretty pretty dresses to show off the back fat."

So, starting in earnest, who at first complained, but is now shutting the hell up, we did the operation. A dining room table here, a pair of clamps and a dust mop there and woo hoo, I gots me an operation some people can only dream about.

I hope that answers some of the questions you people keep emailing about.