Readers write

Matt - Love the blog, but you stopped answering questions from readers. Why?

I have not stopped.
I did slow, mostly because Becky from Hell told me that they seemed like the same letter, with different words, different subjects and different people. I got so confused, I had to call the Online Counselors Association to see if seeking therapy for confusing statements from Becky from Hell would be covered on our group policy. They said they would get back to me, that was this morning, and outrageously enough, they have yet to call back.

Blogger - Do you have Erectile Dysfunction? Have you wanted to try an alternative to Viagra and the other so called ED drugs? How about a natural remedy?

Continue...

Matt - I have noticed that on Mondays your blog is often depressing, sad and generally not funny. Should I just not read on Mondays, or continue to check it in the hope that while I am gorging myself on pizza and marijuana during lunch, you will have published something funny for me to laugh at.

Where do you usually have lunch on Mondays?

Hi - Serious question. Sometimes my dog drags her ass on the carpet, then she sits there and licks herself. What should I do?

For her, a vet, for you, a hobby.

Matt- My mother called last night, after meeting my long term girlfriend for the first time this weekend and she told me I could do better. Now I kind of want to break up with my long term girlfriend because my mom may be right. Suggestion?

Yes, date your mother you big pussy.

Matt - We went to college together. I think we slept together a few times, University of South Dakota. I just wanted to touch base. I am not working and thought you might have some direction. If you remember, I was hot, sexy and dumb as a rock, at least that's how you used to describe me, but I think I proved you wrong. Recently I was governor of Alaska and for a few weeks people thought I might be senator, or something, then they called me stupid. Now I work for Fox News as a special spokesmodel, and sometimes I think of running for president, because your current Kenyan in chief of Muslims is not paying enough attention to real Americans. Anyway, I was wondering, do you have an interest in doing more with your life than writing blog posts and ruining t-shirts?

Kenyan in chief? Classy. Sorry, don't remember you and your story sounds, at the very least, fishy.

Matt - You have mentioned that you have a fiance and then someone said it ain't real without a picture. I tend to believe pictures, except ones of super models, cause I have never actually seen a super model, although I have seen sheep and cows.

Is there a question there?

Matt - you left your inflatable Antonio Banderas love doll at my house.

Keep it, I have others, many many others.

Dear Blogger, We have noticed that you answer questions from random writers on your random blog, and we were wondering, would you be interested in writing the next Harry Potter movie?

No.

Matt - Have you ever done it under a dam?

Goes without saying.

Matt - How do you know your dog is a lesbian?

She gets Sports Illustrated for the articles? No, but seriously, I get this question a lot and I think I have to be honest. She came out to us a couple of weeks ago. That's it. Oh, that and the constant Indigo Girl soundtrack she has playing on the house speaker system. Plus, well, to put it mildly, no shaving, if you know what I mean. I guess the combat boots were a bit of a giveaway also, then again, she did serve in the military occupation of Iraq.