Wedding bliss

I was married once, a long time ago. It was a one shot deal for me, I knew then and I have known since that I would marry once and never return to that old and silly institution. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe strongly in marriage and what it stands for, no matter what you think it stands for. I just knew that I married for the right reasons and those right reasons do not return.

That said, I saw a young newly married couple recently and it made me think. First, the groom was still wearing his stylish suit from the ceremony and he was already shit faced drunk, this on his wedding day. Now, in my mind, part of the deal with marriage is to show you are a responsible adult, and getting wasted soon after saying I do does not strike me as the most mature move one could make.

Of course, I know plenty of sober people who are incapable of being honest enough to ever marry, so alcohol usage is not a sign that the marriage is doomed. No, what I felt was a bad sign was sexuality. See, I too have been shit faced drunk in my life and in between puking and saying things I would later regret, I had no interest in any sort of sexual escapade. So, on ones wedding night, a night that could very well lay down the ground rules for a life together, you get too drunk to have interest or be able to perform? Might not be the best message.

Of course the gays have kind of tainted marriage, and for that alone I think we should all take a moment and thank our gay brothers, sisters and lovers. Sometimes the gays do not realize how good they have it. See, gays can have long term committed relationships right now, enjoy renting or buying a home, enjoy grocery shopping and even raising children, but what they miss out on is the end of relationship psycho drama inherent in divorce. Why anyone would fight for a right that brings with it so much trouble is far beyond me. Hey gay people, you have it better than straights on a number of levels, give up the battle for marriage and enjoy your gayness.

That said, you can not witness a marriage and reception without wondering why we do not allow anyone, make that any adult, to get married to any other adult they want to marry. See, whatever I said about the gays and the dangers of divorce on a marriage, the gays should be allowed to marry. So should women with two boyfriends, or weirdly, two or more women and a man. Marriage should just be a simple procedure that binds a couple, or a couple of couples. Who cares.

Here is what I really like about marriage ceremonies and wedding parties. People look good on that day. Bridesmaids look amazing, for the most part and young men in suits is almost always a good thing. Family gets dressed, people are happy and funny, they all dance, even when they can't dance.

A few years ago I was engaged, but it was not a real engagement and the ring I received was plastic, which of course, was the perfect symbol of a relationship that was not really meant for more than a few nights, much less a marriage. I knew it going in, but I welcomed the ring not so much for the love and promise it indicated, but because I could put the ring in a drawer and forget about it, because I don't wear jewelry.

Even with the silly ring and the lack of any real marriage commitment, I still felt like marriage would be a bad thing for me, and certainly bad for the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce. In fact, in almost any other aspect of our lives, if we were told that what we were about to do generally ends in 50 percent failure, most if not all would walk then. What is it about marriage that contains so much promise and joy and so often ends with hate and disrespect?

So, there I was, spending most of the night in a bathroom, sick as a dog and wishing I could be home in bed, and I kept thinking, I am not sure about this marriage, if only because at one point in the stall next to me was the groom, competitively throwing up with me. I know my reasons for being sick, what was his?