Me: What time is it there?
Houdini: Fuck if I know. Why are you calling me this late, and I mean, late your time?
Me: I'm awake.
Houdini: Obviously. What's up.
Me: A couple of women who read my blog wanted to know more about you.
Houdini: So?
Me: That's it. I mean, that's why I called.
Houdini: You should just do an interview with me, I am endlessly fascinating.
Me: Probably not, on both counts, no interview, and not that interesting.
Houdini: My female fans will argue differently.
Me: Don't forget the male fan.
Houdini: I have a male fan?
Me: Oh yeah, the gays love the blog and one took a liking to you.
Houdini: "Took a liking?" What the fuck does that even mean?
Me: Showed an interest.
Houdini: Swell. So you called to tell me some woman wants to meet me?
Me: Would not go that far.
Houdini: Well, it's been nice talking. Call if you become compelling.
Me: Wait. Tell me more about your life.
Houdini: This is an interview. I can hear you typing, what, do you think I'm stupid?
Me: I don't think you're stupid.
Houdini: Why did you emphasize the word think in that sentence.
Me: No, I mean, I doubt you are stupid.
Houdini: Again, mystery words, you doubt that I am stupid? I'm pretty sure you're retarded.
Me: You could not even spell retarded.
Houdini: Don't have to, I am not the one trying to spell right now.
Me: Touche.
Houdini: And I doubt you know how to spell touche.
Me: Spell check.
Houdini: Spell check is what is saving your blog from just being random letters, connected by punctuation.
Me: I should change the official title to "random letters, connected by punctuation.
Houdini: If you had integrity and honesty, you would.
Me: Well, where were you born?
Houdini: Seriously, stop. How are your sheep?
Me: We don't have the sheep anymore.
Houdini: How'd they taste.
Me: Delicious.
Houdini: So, where were you born.
Me: Seriously, the post about you was read by more people than any other post. I am going to do weekly interviews with you, just to keep things interesting.
Houdiini: Hmmmm. (silence).
Me: Hello? Are you there? Did you hang up? What the fuck.
If you will post an interview with Houdini every morning, my life will be complete. I will be smiling for a couple of hours. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteBravo
ReplyDeleteFUCKING A - coffee out my nose. Can't even spell retarded, lol. AND you changed the page title. Just great work.
ReplyDeleteMore more more
ReplyDeleteI would come back if you just posted interviews like this with any of your cast of characters. How about a Becky interview?
ReplyDeleteSmiling. For that, you are blessed.
ReplyDeleteI'd hang up too. Your a tool
ReplyDeleteHoudini renamed the blog tag line? That is just fucking brilliant.
ReplyDeleteAdd me, I loved this.
ReplyDeleteRandom letters, connected by punctuation. That has to be the title of the collected works, yeah?
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteYeah, more of this, less of the depressing shit.
ReplyDeleteWait, is Houdini married? There was another post about this guy and he had a kid. So a guy with a kid attracts email interest and I am a single guy, in my 20's, fit and attractive and for the life of me I can't get laid.
ReplyDeleteCould you interview me, make me look funny and then forward me the emails.
Did you used to write for TV? Long time ago, right?
ReplyDeleteYeah, make this a video, cause just reading words is boring to me.
ReplyDeletePrevious,
ReplyDeleteWell, it is all about you right? Reading words is boring? What the fuck are you doing reading this blog? Doesn't Maxim have a website?
Agree with above. Too stupid to read, stop visiting this blog.
ReplyDeleteHey Stupid, I have a suggestion. GUEST BLOGGER HOUDINI. It's so obvious even you should have thought of that.
ReplyDeleteI will not be happy until I see a Becky interview. If you could do Becky and then Sketchy, I will promise to donate. Deal?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how many people must read this on their lunch hours and post comments, you can see a spike mid-day around the country. I'm an accountant, could not help but notice.
ReplyDeleteI need to see a pic of Houdini please.
ReplyDeleteHoudini is a moron. I need an interview with Sketchy. Evil people are always more interesting, Houdini is way too full of himself and his quips.
ReplyDeleteI agree, add more Houdini, or get him to guest blog, and stop posting inane shit
ReplyDeleteI want an extensive interview with one of the Becky's.
ReplyDeleteHow about a play, in 30 short acts, you write it all here. Day by day, you piece it all together with this assortment of characters on this blog, from a Becky or two, to Sketchy and Houdini. Seems like a natural.
ReplyDeleteI think I need to meet Houdini for a beer and a bong hit. Right?
ReplyDeleteGod, I could so go for a bong hit and beer right now.
ReplyDeleteHoudini 24/7 and I donate cash to this blog. Make it happen.
ReplyDeleteNot sure why I like this, but I do.
ReplyDelete