The angry letter

"I am writing and I want you to know I am not an angry, bitter old bitch. History; I was married to a nice enough man for 9 years, we have a child, the divorce was unpleasant, but that seems to be the norm. He was seeing a younger, more successful woman in what seems like days of our split. Over the past 3 years he has had a series of basically the same type, career oriented, if they have children they do not raise them, well kept, worked out, younger and then they disappear (not in a murder mystery way, they seem to move on.) My ex announced this past weekend that he is getting married this summer and our son showed me a picture of his new "mommy". I am furious and I don't know why. She is his type, younger and beautiful, and I am happy for them, but part of me wants to kill him, slowly. I can not say where that emotion comes from, but I like the way you have been honest with other people who sent you letters. So, what's your take on this?"

First of all, I did edit your email, it was long and you included so many compliments to me and Libya, well, I could not resist answering it. Here. In this forum.

Why are you pissed he is marrying someone younger and more beautiful, who has not had her body wrecked by the birth of a charming child? Heck, I don't know. It's been at least 3 years since the divorce, you should really be over the idea that there are others. In fact, you mention that he has had a series of women, and these were only the ones you were aware of, parading in front of you. Did these parades of young, supple, sexual beauties not make you angry?

Let's pretend that your husbands constant need for beautiful and gifted young women (I will just keep adding the compliments) was not a neurotic acting out on his part, but really one of just finding what is available in the modern dating pool. There is still a terrible injustice in dating, where older men continue to have some sort of super power in attracting and getting funky with younger, more desirable women.

I think one of the unmentioned side effects of a divorce, at least on some people, is that sense of failure and that might be what is really at the core of your letter. You don't say it, but I have been studying divorced people for many years, generally from a tree outside my ex-wifes house, and this I have learned, some people, generally the party that did not promote the divorce, feel a great sense of loss because they were silly enough to believe that when you stand in front of the world and declare your love for one another, until death do you part, some people actually believe those words.

Maybe you, letter writer, did. The divorce itself, with uncaring lawyers and lies on all sides, sounds like it went about as well as can be expected and any normal person with their head on straight would be lecturing you that 3 years is more than enough time to mourn the relationship and move on. I do notice you don't mention the herds of spry young men you have been dating over the past 3 years. Interesting omission.

So, to answer, you are jealous, but not so much of your ex or even the young enticing beauty he has captured, you are jealous of his ability to be married again, with all the fake promises. What we know about him at his core is this, he doesn't buy those vows any more than she really believes that this man old enough to be her father, and probably proving on a weekend basis what a bad father he actually is, will be her one true love.

You should be happy in the knowledge that your husband has found someone who loves him and that he loves, because in the end, your son is watching his parents to see how people should respond when faced with the end of a long term relatioWnship, and what his dad is showing his son, find someone you love and marry them. I tend not to think the father will be a great role model, but then again, as a father he is showing his son that you always need to move on and not let history weigh you down. What exactly are you teaching your son?