Follow the Ipads travels

My Ipad, recently visiting China, is now stopping to check Russia from Sarah Palins doorstep. Or something. It's true, I am anally tracking that package like a fat woman watches the bowl of chocolates.

Speaking of which, I volunteered to take to the streets this afternoon to deliver some very important papers to some very important people. While out, I saw the Black Glen. A little background please.

Glen is a friend of mine. He is incredibly skinny, us fat people say anyone who does not have a couple of chins is really unhealthy, so Glen is as unhealthy as possible. We cycle together when in the same time zone, although I go faster than Glen, he cheats and often wins.

I was walking the streets and there he was, except all black. Now, much like being gay or old, there is nothing wrong with being black, but being black and then also looking quite a bit like Glen, that is wrong. Although, as I found out this afternoon, it is not against the law. Thank god police in Pittsburgh have a decent sense of humor.

I believe I started this post saying something about my Ipad, but I have lost track. I can tell you this, while out and about this afternoon I got so dizzy and lost, I ended up sitting down in a strangers office to try and gather my wits. Best thing about that? I have no idea where that office is now, so my embarrassment is limited.

A couple of other things and then I have a dance recital to attend.

I do not want to become one of those older people who complain about loud music, droopy pants or people seemingly screaming into their cellphones in public, but I think I am about to give it my best shot.

First up, if you car passes me while I am waltzing around a city and I can hear the beat of your loud music, then your music is too loud. How do you people engage in conversation if the music is so loud the car shakes? Look, I am all for a generation of deaf idiots, because I think it will be in my best interest that we are all yelling at one another at some point, but honestly, sometimes the music from cars is so loud, it hurts my soul, just a little.

Now, I like looking at peoples butts as much as anyone and quite possibly more, so it is with great sadness that I have been brought to the point of complaining, but you kids these days. What with your butts barely covered and you pants down last your knees. What is the point? You do realize you are waddling around because there is not enough room in the crotch area of your pants to dangle to your knees and still allow your legs to move in a natural flow. Are you people stupid?

Almost finally, the screaming into cellphones has got to stop. I could care less who you are talking to and how important it is to you, because quite honestly, it is not important to me, so shut up already. Yes, I know cellphones are the second greatest invention ever (first still goes to potato chips). I like that in an emergency, you can call a friend and tell them all about it, even send pictures. But honestly, you people are driving me crazy and it's not just that I have to listen to your badly educated voices screaming gibberish to other morons, but as I walk around the city, I flow from one stupid conversation to another. It is started to piss me off.

Finally, oh I am going to go ahead and say it, finally you stupid people, stop breeding. Oh I see you, dragging your unwanted children around, crushing their hands and making them cry because you are in a hurry and they are not. Look, pull up your pants, quit smoking, quit listening to loud music and turn off the cellphone, I have heard your conversation and it can wait until your face to face to discuss the latest crazy assed this Latisha did today.

Other than that, it was another beautiful spring day to be out and about.

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