Todays evil spirit

This week, while cycling, I have been visited by evil spirits and tragic memories.

So, here is how this works. I wake up in the morning, throw on some cycling gear and go to the extra bedroom where the indoor cycle is set up and I ride. I listen to music and think and sweat. It's a great way to start the day.

I am training for a marathon, so I cycle in the morning, every morning during the week, and then every afternoon I run and lift weights at the gym in my work building. In the midst of either workout, I sometimes lose track of what I am doing and find myself in strange situations.

As an example, earlier this week, while riding indoors, I had a nightmare reaction because as I was riding, in my mind, I was reliving this bike crash from about 6 years ago. In the nightmare, which actually happened, I am riding my bike at about 30 miles per hour and all of a sudden the tires hit black ice, the bike slid away and I was in the air, floating for what seemed like minutes, but was just a split second, until my body hit the asphalt hard, cracking my helmet, breaking a couple of rips and ripping my cycling gear to shreds.

So, when riding inside, I know the dangers are minimal, but when you have such clear and scary thoughts, you tend to kind of get nervous. So, today, this morning, I was riding hard, sweating like a dog and enjoying the peace that comes from riding. Then I noticed Momma, our black cat and I made her the evil spirit that would encapsulate all those thoughts that come to me while cycling.

All was fine, she was on the guest bed, there is a framed photograph that I have not been able to decide what to do with, so that too was sitting on the bed. It is a close up photo of some green leaves with a thick metal band running in front of them. Kind of an ugly image, industrial mixed with natural, could have been better captured, but it was a gift and I can not just throw it away or donate it to charity, at least not yet.

So, there I was, pumping as hard as I could, trying to push myself, and Momma Kitty, in her evil spirit role, moved to the doorway, turned and sat at me. She was staring at me, while I was sweating and riding. We stared at one another, I tried to figure out if she had a message to deliver, or was she just entertained. Then I tried to remember the bike crash, I tried to remember that cold winter morning, the roads frozen and the black ice waiting for me. But I could not, evil spirit Momma was doing her job, capturing memories and pushing them away.

Then it dawned on me, memories are something that we should embrace, even the evil ones, because it is often the evil memories that propel us to an enhanced understanding of the complexities of life. See, if we did not have bad things happen to us, we would remain sheltered and shallow. I am not suggesting that the only lessons in life are learned from negative experiences, but it seems to me that many of the important ones are.

With Momma Cat absorbing the evil in the room I was able to let my mind roll with the ride. That's when forgiveness rolled right into me. My mind clear and racing with oxygenated blood, I focused on how important it is to step back from daily battles and remember the power of forgiveness. I am never afraid to engage in battle, intellectual or physical, and after a battle of any sort, I have often been a guy who holds grudges and remembers the war. Lately though, those memories do not seem to stick with me and the grudges all seem to have been forgotten. Sure, I may know I don't like someone, but I can hardly be bothered to remember why.

That's why I was floored with the feeling that right now, during that ride and beyond, it is imperative to forgive. Our life here on this planet is such a short mission and to spend a moment carrying those sorts of negative memories and planning actions and such, it just seems like a waste.

I have always found riding hard to be the time to do deep thinking. With Momma Cat staring at me, holding evil spirits and dangerous memories at bay, I came to that conclusion, I can not and will not carry that negative stuff around. I have it to her to deal with and she is a higher being, so she can handle it.

So, how do you forgive people? Do you call them? Email? Write a profound letter? Or is it something inside, something that is more important to do on an interior dialog rather than a physical one? Is writing this blog post enough? What I did realize is that some of the people in my life that I might need to forgive, might not forgive me, such is what happens when you go to an emotional war zone with someone close to you. It would be nice to, as we age, let things go, especially those things we have no control over.

Without Momma Cat in the gym tonight, I wonder if I will have such clarity of thought. The workouts in the gym are a much tougher place to be. Everything is sore, I am so tired by the time the gym doors open, that I generally do not need an evil spirit controller, I need a nap.