Oh my

"I got the link to your site about a week ago via Twitter and have been reading and commenting on some of the posts, but the ones on guys who lie and cheat has hit a nerve. I have done both, for a long time, and part of me justifies it and part of me wants to kill myself. So far, the justification part always wins. Short story part, married, 2 kids, love wife, never faithful and used the line "but you never asked" as my insurance policy in case my wife ever found out. Here's the twisted part, I am bi and all of my extra fling behavior has been with men. If I leave it at that, you will probably have a field day telling me what a loser I am, but the problem is, I think I have fallen in love with a guy. I am not gay, and I don't want to ruin my relationship. What should I do?"

I guess it's OK for me to commence field day activities now? OK, so you are married, never told your wife you are a gay leaning bi guy and now the lean is staring to weigh you down a little. Having dealt almost exclusively with relationships with losers and liars I feel left out of your little drama, certainly there has to be a way for you and I to date, yes? No? OK.

Well, I think you know what any independent third party would say to you looking at your deceit and lies. You are a true scumbag. In fact, you are scummy than most scumbags because you were scummy enough to marry and bring children into the picture.

Look, I could care less what adults do to one another, or with each other, or behind the backs of someone or other. What I always seem to say is, just be honest. Do you really think you wife does not know you are gay? Unless you married the stupidest woman in the world, she has to know that you are gay. I would, and all I have to go on is your letter where you admit to being gay, oh wait, that's the difference between me and your wife, I know the truth about you and she has no clue.

That just does not seem fair, does it?

First, you need to tell her and you need to tell her you have been playing around for years. She has ever right to know and every reason to get a battery of sex related tests done, as do you, although no one really cares if you do or not. The problem with honesty is that people judge you by who you actually are, not the great father/husband you portray.

So, tell the wife, that is step one. Oh wait, a 12 step program, you should do a 12 step program, one that focuses on honesty and integrity, so not NA, because they just help addicts find new addictions.

Where was I? Oh, tell the wife, end the marriage, ruin the kids lives, betray your wife on an even deeper level, and then you should, by all means, live a happy life with your new boyfriend. Because, really, when all is said and done, your happiness is more important than the well being of your children, the love and respect your wife was led to believe was a fundamental part of your marriage and the integrity that you have no clue exists. See, good people do good things and scummy people (that's you) do scummy things.

Now, before my little email meters breaks from all the bisexual men out there complaining that I hate me some bi's, that is just not the case. I hate liars, be they bisexual, gay, straight, chinless meatheads or pretenders of any kind. People deserve honesty. Your wife deserves honesty, as do your children. Those people come before the trick you picked up and fell in love with. See, the real problem with people like you is that you lie all the way around, to your wife, children and probably your hook ups. The only one who has any clue what the truth is would probably be you, but because you live life on the down low, there is little question that you even know what the truth is at this point.

Speaking of which, I was reading an email from an old friend who at the time of the email was close to my family. In the email he said that this new distance between us would not change the way he would be attached to my children. He loved them, they were a part of his life, he could not imagine going another day without hearing their voices and talking to them on the phone. That email is from a long time ago, guess how many conversations this "friend" has had with any of my children since that email was written? If you guessed zero, you would be right.

See, scummy people like you and the email writer all suffer from the ego of a winner and the lifestyle of a loser. They do not match up. You can not take vows, get married, create children and a life together, and on the side, on the secret side, be sexing with other fucked up men. Well, I mean, you can and you did, but that is my definition of scummy.

As if I have not said this enough, you wife deserves the right to know what sort of scumbag she married. You are not that familiar with being honest, but if you understand the concept, you need to sit her down and tell her the truth. She will leave you and divorce you and she will pick up the pieces in time and hopefully find someone with some integrity and the ability to live an honest life. You, letter writer, will not. I know people like you, even when you get clean and sober, so to speak, the demons that helped you become the scumbag you are will always be there, waiting for the chance to jump out and ruin things. It is in you, it is part of you, it is you.

Order of importance: 1-Tell wife. 2-Prepare for divorce. 3-Move out. 4-Be honest with your gay lover person, because chances are you have not been. 5-Get serious help, because you are one seriously demented person.

I am big on starting over. I am big on people who make mistakes finding a way to fix things. The problem with scummy people like yourself is you like the drama and insanity that is your life, and I say that because you seem to almost be bragging about it.

Oh, by the way, in your letter you proclaim, "I am not gay, but I have fallen in love with a guy." This alone is why you are scummy. First, you are gay. I know, you want to be bi and everything, but look at what you say, you have been fooling around on your wife for years, you don't care about your adult responsibilities, the important thing is hooking up with men on the side. You are gay, you can lie to everyone else, but your own words sink you. Gay gay gay. Own it. Although I am pretty sure the gay community is about one dealing with screwed up "straight" men, then again, maybe not.